Does the heart wrench get any worse ???

**guest4504** · 18-02-2011, 04:32 PM

Hi all. This week we have just announced to family that we will be leaving UK for Adelaide next Jan / Feb . I did not think that telling my parents would be so hard, I am 36, mother 50's father 63. I was more upset that they were so understanding. I had it in my head we would go to the UK for visit annually and so would they to Oz, therefore seeing them twice a year. However, from what they said regarding age and finance I think I was being far to optimistic ! They speak about missing our twins and us certainly, but sometimes I do read of those who could not cope and returned. I know that most go to Oz for their children's future but it does stay in my mind that Grandparent's do play alot in it also. I know most on here have and are going through, but does it really get any better... or does it get worst ? I also keep telling myself, ' To think I will miss my parents to much and they will our twins is just being selfish ' ... or is it ?

Anyway, to all those that went over and got through it, I tip my hat off to you all. Hearts of steel .:) .No offence on that one.
D

**fatman** · 18-02-2011, 09:09 PM

Hi there D !!
I know EXACTLY how you are feeling!... it's awful isn't it! ... you go through so many emotions! some days easier. I have days when I think "I don't think I can do it", other days I am very positive... some days I have burst into tears (and that's before we leave!!!)... emotions like a rollarcoaster!!! ... I'm sure most families have gone through the same as us?
We are hoping to make the big move to Adelaide later this year, expecting to hear from a Case Officer any day now! We have two grown up daughters we will be leaving behind and a 3 year old Grandaughter! we have a 12 yr old daughter coming with us (though she always says she doesn't want to!)... Our families have been mostly supportive about the big move, but we realise there will be some broken hearts... the guilt some days is awful... BUT, this is our little family unit, our dream, life is so short and there will never be a "right" time to make the big move! especially for us being that bit older now (45, and 55 yrs old).... Hopefully my reply will be a small comfort to you knowing there are other families in the same boat as you OK!....
Try and stay positive!
Graham & Janis Price (In freezing Scotland just now!!!)

**MADTOM** · 18-02-2011, 09:35 PM

Hi
I saw your post and I totally understand how you feel. Life would be perfect if we could move our close families with us.
We took our young children away last year and left my Grandmother (85 and my only close relative!) in the UK. We took her away on a holiday to tell her we were leaving it was absolutely heart wrenching promising annual returns to the UK, skyping once a week, phone calls and secretly hoping she would be able to manage the long plane journey to visit us!

Six months on she has been diagnosed with senile dementia, is in and out of hospital and is now temporarily in a care home. So can't skype or phone her really. All hope of her visiting us have been shattered. We are going to keep to our promise of annual visits to the UK (despite the huge cost) but am liaising with my Aunt as to whether we visit sooner or later!
There have been times I have sat at Coffee shops and suddenly the enormity of the situation has hit me and I have broken down in tears. We moved here for our children but I am conscious that they no longer see their Great Gran or their other family on OH's side.

Your parents are still very young and if you and they put money aside then a few years down the line perhaps they or you can visit. Have you considered skyping?
It's very hard especially being 10,000 miles away and it takes time to resolve that (I am not there yet!) but I believe you must look to your childrens future and do the best for them and yourselves. Only time will tell what that may be.
Sorry I don't know if it gets easier but as your life here develops I am sure time will lessen the heart wrenching feelings, If you ever feel like a coffee and a cry PM me. :)

**Tamara (Homes Down Under)** · 18-02-2011, 11:56 PM

It really is the difficult aspect of living here.

My parents came here in 2007 for 3 months and they have just spent another 3 months here. They left on Tuesday.
Skype and other internet programmes do make the world a smaller place but it's still upsetting.

I have been trying to get them to apply for a parents visa!

On the other side of the coin I have just been informed by my daughter that they will be leaving Australia in August and the news that my grandchildren will be leaving has me devastated. I now know what it feels like from both sides! I have 3 grandchildren that I see every day and the thought of them leaving and not being a part of my life brings me to tears...

Tamara

**kangomik** · 19-02-2011, 12:26 AM

Aww it's one of the worst bits, the next 12 months gets kind of funny, some parents want to talk about some don't. Then when they do want to talk about - usually 2 weeks before you leave - your a bit over it all by then.

SKYPE, it's a god send, makes the world a smaller place. It's very busy now with over 20 mil on most nights, but get it all set up before you leave the uk and use it a few times then once you get here and get internet connections ( mobile dongles can be terrible for skype) things will feel a whole lot better

**foxychick** · 19-02-2011, 01:18 AM

It doesn't get any easier, for me the guilt remains and questioning whether it is a better life for my kids to be removed from their extended family. However, as mentioned skype is fantastic if your family will get involved with that and you do learn to live with the distance and accept it.

**guest4504** · 19-02-2011, 07:14 PM

Hi all. thanks for replies. So Skype helps alot I take it. I will get it set up within the next few weeks and make sure all family are on also, loads of practice. How often do you or others get to see family and how long for ? Are return flights from Oz cheaper than return from UK ?with tax's and all. Thanks again.

**trixie81** · 20-02-2011, 02:34 AM

Originally Posted by Tamara (Homes Down Under)

It really is the difficult aspect of living here.

My parents came here in 2007 for 3 months and they have just spent another 3 months here. They left on Tuesday.
Skype and other internet programmes do make the world a smaller place but it's still upsetting.

I have been trying to get them to apply for a parents visa!

On the other side of the coin I have just been informed by my daughter that they will be leaving Australia in August and the news that my grandchildren will be leaving has me devastated. I now know what it feels like from both sides! I have 3 grandchildren that I see every day and the thought of them leaving and not being a part of my life brings me to tears...

Tamara

I feel for you its heart breaking,its only having my grandson that keeps me in oz.

**andrew_obrien** · 20-02-2011, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by deus

Hi all. This week we have just announced to family that we will be leaving UK for Adelaide next Jan / Feb . I did not think that telling my parents would be so hard, I am 36, mother 50's father 63. I was more upset that they were so understanding. I had it in my head we would go to the UK for visit annually and so would they to Oz, therefore seeing them twice a year. However, from what they said regarding age and finance I think I was being far to optimistic ! They speak about missing our twins and us certainly, but sometimes I do read of those who could not cope and returned. I know that most go to Oz for their children's future but it does stay in my mind that Grandparent's do play alot in it also. I know most on here have and are going through, but does it really get any better... or does it get worst ? I also keep telling myself, ' To think I will miss my parents to much and they will our twins is just being selfish ' ... or is it ?

Anyway, to all those that went over and got through it, I tip my hat off to you all. Hearts of steel .:) .No offence on that one.
D

I feel for you, i left the u.k on my own moving out for the 1st time ever only to have such a bad experiance in oz on my own but 2 years back in the U.K. all i want is to go back to australia so chin up and think its the best move for your family

**kangomik** · 20-02-2011, 10:32 AM

Return flights from aus to UK are MORE expensive, you could be shocked. I know the prices have dropped lately but it will cost you about $10K for a family of 4 to get back to the UK....................... Yes i know guys you can get it cheaper if you have time to shop around etc, but lets be honest, if you all need to get back then it's for certain reasons usually and time frames don't come in to it. SKYPE is cool, and should be replaced by something new soon - going on the timeline of net stuff. We found it easier to use than messenger. Get it set up and try it out on your family, you will wonder why you even use a phone to talk when skype is cheaper and easier in the UK - and you see each other! We had a mobile dongle which worked ok at the rental, and used to spend 2 hours a week speaking to relies, voice mainly. we then moved and it was dire. We now have internet through the phone etc (cable) and it's very good. we spend 3 hours on a sunday through video, and 2 hours on a friday, via video. It's great for the grand parents to speak to the granchildren, and the delay is very small, generally less than half a second! We set the phones up in the UK for free calls to Australia, so the relies can ring when they want and don't have to worry about cost. Internet and phone use can be expensive over here compared to the UK, but lets face it your going to use the net etc to find jobs and houses. I think this is where short term rental accomadation can come into it's own if it has internet connection, it makes those first few weeks that little bit easier.