stay or go

[Guest Donna Smith]

can any one give me one good reason to stay in this country!! we came out here for a better life which i have yet to see, this being our 3rd year here. My self and my 3 yr old have had nothing but ill health since being here. Every thing is so much more expensive here.You have to renew your car licence, whats that all about!!!! It just seems that all we are ever doing here is paying out to live a life which we could have back in England for free!!! I know the weathers better but is that all???? I actually find life quite boring here. Nothing for the kids to do. I wish my husband could see it from the same way i do instead of through rose coloured specs.

[Guest nickyblue]

Hi Donna

 

I could give you 50+ but they would not be 'your' reasons to stay! I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you don't find your own reasons for staying and enoying life here you will find it tough! It's hard esp when you have not been well, I've just had 6 months of really bad health and I know how it can get you down (distance/ support/ familiarity with the system!). If you really feel like there is nothing for you here you will need to speak to your hubby - talk through how you see it here! You both have to see a life and future in oz if it's going to work. 3 people cant live on one persons dream!

 

Is there anything that would make it better? Making more firends? Having more time to yourself? Being able to make Adelaide "your" home with things you like to do? Maybe if you can identify some areas that you can work on fixing and fix them you might have your own reasons for staying.

 

Try and stay strong.

 

All the best

Nic

xx

[Guest guest3462]

Hi Donna,

I'm afraid I can't give a good reason that would send me back to the UK!!! I came here 8 months ago, full of hate for Britain and with all my eggs in one basket hoping that it would give me and my family the life we craved and deserved and it has far exceeded our greatest expectations!

We are all happier, healthier and see each other much more. The children love being outdoors and we have made the best friends anyone could ever wish to meet. My hubby has the most amazing job that he would never get to try in the UK and i'm getting to be mummy to my girls instead of needing to pay for childcare and seeing them 2 days a week.

I agree that the cost of living is more than the UK (I can't even bring myself to call it home anymore) but I believe that the extra cost counts for little whern they quality of life you are experiencing is so great. But as for being boring, we have a beach 5 mins walk away which we visit almost every day for walks, games, swimming etc, there are countless parks with well kept facilities for the kids and we seem to struggle to find a weekend to ourselves sometimes!

 

It's sad that you aren't having the experience you hoped it would be and I wish you all the best in whatever you decide to do, but for me I cannot see myself ever wanting to leave, I truly feel that we are home.

 

Sorry to disagree, but I wish you well in your future

JC xxx

 

 

 

can any one give me one good reason to stay in this country!! we came out here for a better life which i have yet to see, this being our 3rd year here. My self and my 3 yr old have had nothing but ill health since being here. Every thing is so much more expensive here.You have to renew your car licence, whats that all about!!!! It just seems that all we are ever doing here is paying out to live a life which we could have back in England for free!!! I know the weathers better but is that all???? I actually find life quite boring here. Nothing for the kids to do. I wish my husband could see it from the same way i do instead of through rose coloured specs.

[jomark]

hi ive heard alot of people complain about nothing to do for the kids.we have a 6 year old weve been here almost 4 years and he enjoys it,auskick,surf life saving, the parks and the beach.could you please tell what it is you want for the kids to do.i dont mean to offend just wandering.cheers mark.

[jim and adel]

Hmm, tough one. If my day-to-day experience of being here resembled what you've described, I'd be off like a shot. Given that your husband seems to be having a more positve experience, I wonder what's different? Is it jobs? Does he have interests that he can participate in that you don't? Do you just have different likes and dislikes?

 

One of the difficulties when two people have different views is that they're both likely to regard their version of reality as the accurate one and the other view as therefore inaccurate and either too kind ('rose coloured specs') or too damning (the 'hate it' camp), and this labelling can get in the way of objectivity.

 

Regardless of whether he's the one wearing the glasses or if it's actually you who's sporting a rather dark pair of Ray Bans, three years seems long enough to me for you to know if it's working for you or not and, by the sound of it, it isn't.

 

Back to your original question, I'm not sure anyone could give you the one good reason to stay in this country that you're looking for if you really don't want to be here, find it boring and think there's nothing for kids to do. Sounds to me like you know where you want to be, and it isn't here!

 

Good luck

 

Jim

[Guest Django]

I'm with Jim. Those that love it here, like me, could give you heaps of reasons too stay and more not to return to the UK. Those that want to return or have returned could do the same in reverse. Who is right????? The answer is no one.

You have to do what is right for you. If Oz was great for everyone then the UK would be empty and again vice versa.

As for cost of living we don't find it anymore expensive living here than in the UK but again we won't be spending our money on the same things as you. As for things to do, the only thing my kids had to look forward to was hanging around the streets getting into trouble. Here they are involved in clubs and sport and we as a family have more time together.

 

If you really don't like it here and your hubby loves it then you need to sit down and have a serious talk. I would say think of why you left the UK in the first place. Its only a decission YOU can make.

 

Good luck

 

Pete

[Guest mayjess]

What Jim has said is spot on, its all in the way that you are viewing your life, if you only want to see the negatives thats what you will see, I know I was the same, you will come back the UK & then see what you had & prob regret moving back here, so why not explore the ways in which you can make your life more fullfilling now, if you think its all cheery here at the moment think again, were getting negative news rammed down our throats daily, papers, TV and radio theres no escaping it, eventually it bogs you down, no wonder most ppl are walking around with frowns on their faces. My best advice is maybe come back for a visit & see for your self which place is best to live in.

 

Personally I cannot wait to get back to the peace & tranquility in adelaide, I miss the space & freedom to walk on uncrowded beaches and quiet parks.

 

Good luck in what you decide to do

 

Mayjess

[Guest Martin and Val]

Sorry I'm not going to be of much use to you here as we find the cost of living here cheaper and find lots more to do.

Yes once you are here and you have work and a place to live it's the same as the UK. You get up in the morning you go to work, you come home and have tea then bed. You still have to do the weekly shop, mow the lawn (But only in winter) and all the other mundane things you did back in blighty. But when your off work there is so much more to do in our opinion.

Do you have a good circle of friend for days out, have a BBQ and invite the neighbors, walk along the beach and smell the fresh air. Many of these things are free and good for you.

My advice is don't jump you may well regret it, go for a holiday to refresh your memory why you left in the first place.

Good luck with what ever you decide as only you can make that final decision.

Martin

[Diane]

If you're really that unhappy, then it's probably best to head back to the UK - for a holiday at least. If for whatever reason that's not possible (money, health, whatever) then you probably have to work on the basis of "what can't be cured, must be endured" and make a conscious effort to force yourself to start looking for positives here. When I've had down days, I found going for a walk through the park, looking around me at the beautiful birds, stunning gum trees, spotting a koala or two, made me think I was being daft not appreciating stuff that others would give their right arm to see/experience. Probably a walk along the beach, dolphin spotting might help, or a day spent visiting a few wineries with your OH, whatever works for you.

 

Probably the worst thing is to meet up with other expats who are feeling a bit down too - as that will just drag you further down, and anyone that's unfailingly positive will probably just irritate you, so put the babe in their buggy, head off to Belair Park or somewhere, or one of the play areas (not sure where you're located but the fort at Noarlunga is supposed to be nice), or Henley Beach, or Linear Park, and force yourself to find at least three things to enjoy! Can tell you I've done this with tears streaming down my face, but it works in the end!

 

Diane

[Guest covfan71]

Hi, everytime i see a post fro someone who wants to go home it really worries me. Myself and my family are moving to Adelaide next summer and sometimes i wonder if we are making a mistake.

Donna, you mention the cost of living is more and that there is nothing to do for the kids, and yet others say quite the opposite. May i ask where you live? Is it down to the area you live?

We intend to make it work where possible and that means we will make an effort to get involved in meet ups etc to make new friends. We will make an effort to go out and find things for the kids to do. If after that we still haven't settled then we will have to re-think. I'm not for one saying you haven't made an effort. After 3 years i'm sure you have made plenty of friends. It's just so weirs to hear all the different views from people who have the same family life and live in the same area. What is one doing that the other is not?

[Guest cazzie]

can any one give me one good reason to stay in this country!! we came out here for a better life which i have yet to see, this being our 3rd year here. My self and my 3 yr old have had nothing but ill health since being here. Every thing is so much more expensive here.You have to renew your car licence, whats that all about!!!! It just seems that all we are ever doing here is paying out to live a life which we could have back in England for free!!! I know the weathers better but is that all???? I actually find life quite boring here. Nothing for the kids to do. I wish my husband could see it from the same way i do instead of through rose coloured specs.

Hi Donna,

A very difficult question to answer. All the replies have been constructive and people want to help. It would be good if you could provide more information and I'm sure people would be willing to show you good reasons to stay. Having ill health is clearly not conducive to feeling good wherever you are, plus the cost of treatment and lack of family support. I felt that things were actually cheaper here until I went back to England and realised that shopping was cheaper there, but what others have pointed out is true - there are lots of things to do here which are free or very cheap. I guess if you are an outdoor person, life can be great here with the beach/walks/sports etc, but if not, then you need to think of other pursuits. Have you got a circle of friends here? Has your child mixed well with other children?

The weather here is a big plus, but ultimately, if you are not feeling happy in your heart, it won't make any difference. I hope you and your husband do talk and resolve whatever issues are making you so unhappy. Maybe you could take a long holiday to England to see how you feel? Also, if you need to meet up with new people - just ask, that's what PIA is all about, helping each other out in the down times.

[maria]

Some really good suggestions on how to try to improve the quality of life here for you, but i think at the end of the day its about attitude and whether or not you really want to be here. As Jim said you cant live someone elses dream.

Perhaps going back to the UK for an holiday might put things into perspective, i wouldn't rush into moving back there though as many that return to the UK come back again to Aus.

Another option might be moving interstate, we started out in Victoria and hated it, OH was all set for returning to the UK, but thankfully we decided to head here to SA and havent really looked back since.

Try the suggestion of going somewhere and finding 3 positives about the place your visiting... the cup being half full as opposed to half empty.

Whatever you decide you have to do whats best for you, and it has to be your choice. Good luck with whatever you do decide

[Guest mayjess]

When some say its more expensive & some say cheaper, this all has to do with what you are actually buying, some people cook from scratch, and obviously this is always going to be cheaper especially if you shop at the butchers and fruit & veg markets etc, but if you want ready made foods and only shop at coles etc then Yes this is a more expensive way of living, some people adapt and start cooking from scratch instead of buying ready made enabling them to reduce their costs, it all depends on the person as a whole if you find you dont mind spending more to live in adelaide because the benefits are there for you then thats fine, if you are wanting what you had in the UK and cannot or will not change or adapt then this can only add to not settling in a new country, the country cannot change to suit us, we have to change to suit/fit into the country. Anyone going thru homesickness has my sympathy if you`ve never sufferred with it you will never in a million yrs understand what it feels like, I can only say to the OP I feel for you and hope you get the support & advice you need.

 

 

Mayjess

[Guest Martin and Val]

Another thing to this cheaper or more expensive side, could be down not only where are you used to shopping but also what part of the UK you came from.

Just an example and I know it's not food but I was used to paying just under £3 for a pint of beer but if I went to see my parents only in the next county it would average just over £2.40 If I went to see relations in Newcastle it was under £2

Again I know beer isn't food shopping but being a bloke its the best comparison I can make.

Now on a serious note we most certainly pay less for our weekly shop here than we ever did in the UK and we buy the same sort of stuff here in Coles as we did in Tesco. Again maybe prices vary around the country.

Anyway, good luck with what ever you decide and I hope you do find happiness.

Martin

[Guest rachinadelaide]

Hmmmm....I'm sure there are many people who can give many reasons for living here but if you can't come up with your own after 3 years then it's probably not for you! We had well and truly settled after 2.5 years (of course, only our experience!!). If you were questioning the move after only a few months, people would probably try and encourage you to 'give it a fair go' but it seems you have!

Does you hubbie know how you feel? What do the kids think - are they bored or is your perception that they're bored? Why are you unhappy -can you solve the problems?

I s'pose this all needs considering.

 

It must come down to what you enjoy and value in life. There are no right and wrong answers just what's right for you and your family.

 

Good luck with your ponderings and decision makings...

 

Rach

[minty]

Excellent thread and some very good posts. As someone who is in Blighty and is desperate to get out to Aus i usually jump on the stay waggon but it really does depend what you had back in the uk. Take my family, we live down south and after our recce there is no way adelaide is more expensive for anything then in the UK. We have a decent life here and do not want to emigrate to escape or becouse of work its just that we want more for our children and for us and in our opinion there is more to do in Australia and most of this is to do with the weather which if everyone is being honest is far better in Aus then in the UK (anyone saying the UK weather is better is clearly on drugs). Now wages is a different story. Im an electrician and after loads of research i will have to take a pay cut, not a huge one but a cut nether the less. But taking this into account against the cost of living, and house prices then we still will be better of.

 

Now compare this to (and im not generalising just using an example) a family from up north. This senario could be compleatly different and in Adelaide the cost of living and houses might be more expensive or on a par but with lower wages it could mean less disposable income which on top of starting a new life would be harder.

 

The other main factor is missing family and friends and this is something we will/do all deal with differently and i guess some just cannot adjust to. But the only way to get over this is to get out meet people (and there seems to be alot of sites like this which arrange socialising) and try remember why you decided to up sticks and start again in a new country.

 

I guess there are no right or wrong answers but my honest opinion is some people never settle anywhere and I dont mean that disrespectfully. If you left the UK for a reason and those reasons are still there why go back. If you had an good life there and have decided that it was better for your family as maybe after all you are not out doors people and the weather is not an issue then maybe the UK is right for you. If its the im missing family and friends pull then i cannot give advice as for me its not an issue.

 

Good luck on whatever you choose but try to remember what your reasons where in the first place as by all accounts if you get it wrong and start playing ping pong financially it hurts.

[ianb]

Just realise its not for everyone. Good luck to those that head back to UK at least no one can say "you never tried it!"

 

Some of the comments from all sides are way out of order, its one of the reasons i dont post on here much now.

 

Some settle some dont its a fact

Alot of things ARE more expensive here but in most cases there are choices

Yes the houses are cold in the winter

Yes it is probably warmer in the uk at the moment but then its summer there and winter here but 23 deg in winter in my opinion is great.

 

Everyone has the right to like it, hate it or what ever, its NOT for everyone

 

Its only my opinion so dont shoot! A lot has to do with attitude and what you expect. Its human nature when you have negative thoughts is to surround yourselves with other people who feel the same to "share thoughts". Perhaps if time was spent with people who enjoy things it would make things feel different, i dont know!

 

Just remember its a big step and for some its a step too far but no need to bitch at each other.

[Guest Django]

All 'non helpful' posts have been removed and this read has been re opened. I believe this is a useful thread. Any more non helpful posts will also be removed.

[sueoc]

IAN B,What a great post,SPOT ON ALL THE WAY,ATB.

[Guest mayjess]

Like Ive said on another thread, dont be swayed by anyone elses experiences, go & try it for yourself, how will you ever know, some love it some hate it & some just accept it as home. Worst thing to do is think that someones bad experience will happen to you!!! how do you know?

 

Good luck to the OP and anyone going over or returning

 

Mayjess

[Guest SteveR]

Me and my family came here for a so called better way of life as well. Personally I have not had the best of starts and if someone offered me a ticket home I'd take it and not look back. When we landed on 4th August 09 we went to a friends house and lodged for our tax file numbers straight away. 28 days later I still hadn't got mine so I phoned the tax office to get some info. They had cocked up and then said I'd have to wait another 14 days.......thanks . Meanwhile I'm working and not getting paid because of that and I'm travelling up and down Adelaide and working like a dog which is what I didn't want for my so called new life.

We both needed reliable vehicles for work and blew most of our money on them as second hand car prices in Oz are ridiculous unless you want an old banger. By the way don't buy a car from Stillwell ford in main north road or rather main north rogue where you will find loads of car dealers ready to rip you off. As soon as they hear a pommy accent you are shark food because for some reason they think we're all loaded.

Cost of living is more than the Uk for sure and I'm sorry but anyone who says different must be going out at night poaching or eating road kill and drinking their own body fluids. Beer is more expensive, wine is more expensive, food is more expensive , road tax is way more expensive.

Positives are income tax is less, fuel is less ,the beach is nice, our house is nice and is a 15 minute walk away from said beach and we can watch the sun go down from our balcony and you can't put a price on that. Adelaide city is fantastic with a feeling of space and cleanliness unlike cities back home.

I do try to think positive but right now I keep getting pushed back down my own mountain. All I want to do is provide my family with a decent standard of living but all we do is shell out money for this and that and with not much coming in it's damn tough. There's plenty more I could say but you'd get bored and I'd be responsible for mass suicide.

Dissillusioned definitely !! Staying....yeah why not, after all a month isn't really long enough to give the place a fair go.

 

All the best

[ShaunWilson]

Me and my family came here for a so called better way of life as well. Personally I have not had the best of starts and if someone offered me a ticket home I'd take it and not look back. When we landed on 4th August 09 we went to a friends house and lodged for our tax file numbers straight away. 28 days later I still hadn't got mine so I phoned the tax office to get some info. They had cocked up and then said I'd have to wait another 14 days.......thanks . Meanwhile I'm working and not getting paid because of that and I'm travelling up and down Adelaide and working like a dog which is what I didn't want for my so called new life.

We both needed reliable vehicles for work and blew most of our money on them as second hand car prices in Oz are ridiculous unless you want an old banger. By the way don't buy a car from Stillwell ford in main north road or rather main north rogue where you will find loads of car dealers ready to rip you off. As soon as they hear a pommy accent you are shark food because for some reason they think we're all loaded.

Cost of living is more than the Uk for sure and I'm sorry but anyone who says different must be going out at night poaching or eating road kill and drinking their own body fluids. Beer is more expensive, wine is more expensive, food is more expensive , road tax is way more expensive.

Positives are income tax is less, fuel is less ,the beach is nice, our house is nice and is a 15 minute walk away from said beach and we can watch the sun go down from our balcony and you can't put a price on that. Adelaide city is fantastic with a feeling of space and cleanliness unlike cities back home.

I do try to think positive but right now I keep getting pushed back down my own mountain. All I want to do is provide my family with a decent standard of living but all we do is shell out money for this and that and with not much coming in it's damn tough. There's plenty more I could say but you'd get bored and I'd be responsible for mass suicide.

Dissillusioned definitely !! Staying....yeah why not, after all a month isn't really long enough to give the place a fair go.

 

All the best

 

Steve,

Sounds like your giving it your best shot, and like you said, it's only been a month. Setting up a new life overseas, wherever you go is a very expensive proposition, and will be a huge drain on any savings you have taken over with you. But you sound positive and hard working, and when the TFN arrives, you will have the back pay to arrive, along with money coming in every 2 weeks (or whatever you get paid). Food and shopping i have found in the 2 years we've been here can be more expensive, depending on where you shop. Try to stay positives, it's a long hard road, and took us a good 18 months for our whole family to feel settle. You sound positive, and have the benefit of already secured work, and in my opinion, hard work is recognised and rewarded much more here than in the UK. Good luck with everything, and hope it starts to work out for you, especially with the warmer weather just roaund the corner.

[Guest Nick11]

I think it took us the best part of a year to get set up and stop haemorraging money. Its only 2 and half years down the line that things are slowly beginning to come together.

No its not easy. Its damm hard. Anyone who thinks differently is living in a fools paradise.

It take gutts, courage and a little stupidity to come over here - lets face it no one in their right minds would give up every thing they have to move to the other side of the world and literally start again.

But we've all done it and there are lots of us here to say it can be done.

Don't give up hope. It sounds like you're a fighter.

It will get better.

[minkyme29]

I think it took us the best part of a year to get set up and stop haemorraging money. Its only 2 and half years down the line that things are slowly beginning to come together.

No its not easy. Its damm hard. Anyone who thinks differently is living in a fools paradise.

It take gutts, courage and a little stupidity to come over here - lets face it no one in their right minds would give up every thing they have to move to the other side of the world and literally start again.

But we've all done it and there are lots of us here to say it can be done.

Don't give up hope. It sounds like you're a fighter.

It will get better.

 

I agree with all you've said...and think it takes at last two years to settle at all. We're not quite there yet but I feel hopeful that we will get there soon, roll on two years.

[Guest kangomik]

Why are you working like a dog? Chill.. slow down.

 

Stillwell ford couldn't do enough for us, i feel i got a good deal by sticking to my guns and shopping around. They gave us a brand new loan vehicle while are new car arrived. They were not to happy when it returned weeks later with 3500KM's on the clock, but tough love.

We bought new because the second hand market is all over.

 

Shop around for food, get out of the one shop mentality. Booze well yes its shocking and the prices have just jumped over 15% since the 10 cents back thing came in. This was cheaper for beer. Wines always expensive. Again shop around, each one does different offers.

 

I reckon you have a positive attitude, granted its costing more than you thought, but keep the mind right and you could be staying. Enjoy the beach, today is glorious and i sit in the back yard typing this waiting to fire up the Barbie for the kids tea.

 

It takes a while to settle mate, at least your working!