How do you cope

[andy and lindsey]

Hi there thought I would pick your brains to see if anyone has any coping strategies. I have just returned from my sister in laws and have had one of the dreaded conversations about goodbyes! Let me fill you in we exchanged contracts on our house yesterday, have the packers coming next Thursday and move out Friday. We are going to staty with Andy's parents for around 6 weeks whilst we work our notices at work and just settle things up here. Thing is everytime I think about saying goodbye to people I just want to burst into tears. Especially with Andys parents (and them saying goodbye to our children who are 3 and 5) as they are nearly 80 and they have told us that they will never come and visit (and I believe them!). With my mum its the same but at least I know that she will come out and visit. How do you cope with it and is this normal - Its then when you think Australia is such a long way! We have been in the process of getting the visa since 2005 now and at the moment I could

 

Lindsey

[Guest chillyanna]

im sorry but i cant really offer any good words of advice only that you will have to be brave and bite the bullet, in around a years time i will be in similar position to your self having to leave my father and brothers/sister so if i dont be strong and force my way through it i would never get on the plane to start that new life that we all want so very very much. there is a sacrifice to most things and this is one if the biggest.

could'nt you make a return trip after a year to spend time with them and to let them know how well you have done in adelaide and what a great choice it was to emigrate?

 

this is only the way i will be going about my move so please dont think im telling you what you should do.

 

i hope you find a way through it.

paul

[andy and lindsey]

Yes Paul - I suppose that I really know that there is no easy answer! I will keep focused (Have to now - Im homeless:cute:) and focused on what I want for my children and their future!

 

I just noticed that you are from Oldham - I did my midwifery training there - nearly ten years ago!

 

Lindsey

[Guest Jane.Mason]

Hi

 

We are just waiting to exchange and should be flying next week, although now postponed as not exchanged and had to cancel(postpone) shippers for the second time. It seems to have come around really fast. I think it's hit my sister's hard and i seem to be seeing them nearly every day at some point or other. They are always asking if i need any help and if the Kids want to go out anywhere. This is unheard of normally ??.

We are leaving behind both sets of Grandparents, my MIL has MS and has said the flight will be really difficult and she doubts very much wether she will be able to cope with it. However, their idea of coping seems to be ignore we exist, hang up when we call and not speak with us for the last month.

My Mum and Dad are trying really hard to be supportive although when i handed them a picture of my sisters, me and all the grandchildren together my Mum broke down in tears. My dad hasn't seen it yet and i'm not looking forward to his reaction. It may be the only time for years that we are all together at the same time as a family.

I really am not looking forward to the final Goodbyes and have said some already. All i keep thinking is that i'm doing it for my children and hopefully a better way of life.

 

Best Of Luck

Jane

[andy and lindsey]

Jane your post has brought a tear to my eye - I empathise for everything that you have said - Just kep thinking of the reasons we got on this train many, many months ago1

Whats the point in having dreams if you ignore them - make them real

 

Maybe we will be headed out at the same time.

 

Lindsey

[Guest Jane.Mason]

Hi Lindsay

 

I think everyone deals with it in a different way. I know i'm not normally emotional and i'm not really close to my mum, but I know when the time comes i will be a blubberiing wreck. We recently went to my freinds leaving do (only moving to Portugal) and other freinds of mine were crying over both of us and i haven't gone yet, needless to say I was quite emotional, alcohol and goodbyes don't mix.

 

Deep breaths and realise your dream, if we don't try we may regret it in future years and then be kicking ourselves.

 

Jane

[Guest donna T]

Your situation is so much like my own I had to take a deep breath before answering. My children are 5 and 2 1/2 and we are a very close family with both my parents and my in-laws. In laws are 80+ and would not be able to make the journey. My parents have already booked their flights for january.

The goodbyes were horrendous and prolonged and tearfull (including the farewells at the airport) and we have now been in Adelaide for almost 6 months.

Although we have ahd ups and downs like everyone, I am in absolutely no doubt at all that this was the right move for us. The children are happy and settled and speak to both sets of grandparents every couple of days on skype, they send letters and drawings to them and get very excited when they get a card in the post too.

It is (and I expect always will be ) hard to think that we may never see some people ever again. Just keep thinking why you are making the move and all those reasons why have to keep you going.

All said and done, if get too much - you can always go back!

Good luck

 

Donna

x

[Guest Denise 42]

Hi

just to let you know ive been here since last wednesday so i had to say the good byes and my mum and Dad came to the airport and they said they will visit, it was really hard and i'm not a emotional person but i cried like a baby but at the same time my mum said your doing the right thing for yourself and your teenagers. Bit harder for Husband both his parent are in there 80s and will not be coming out so that was really sad for him but we did say we would visit in about a year. The only advise i can give is make sure all family have internet hubby parent dont and think they are to old to learn so it will only have to be the phone call now and again. I email my mum most days so far to tell her the late news.

speak soon Denise