Dealing with negativity
Hi all. We have been talking about moving abroad since August and we have met mixed views from our families. Which I guess is to be expected but one party in particular seems to be very negative about it all and its starting to get to me. My Dad lives about a 4 hour drive away from me and we see him regularly but not necessarily frequently. Its about once every month or two at best and that is really only becasue he has been coming down here for other family commitments now they are nearing an end I wouldn't be surprised if this became less frequent. So its not as though he is around the corner and in the kids life all the time. I know that his comments probably stem from being removed even further from his grandchildrens life. But he has travelled a lot and we never really saw my grandparents when we were little because he moved us where we had to be for his work so I can't see why he can't give us the same freedom.
I saw him at New Year and they asked 101 questions which I don't mind but it did feel like an interrogation. Now me and my husband have done a lot of research, I will admit that we are probably slightly blinkered and naiive as to what it all involves, but equally we are not silly and we feel we have grasped a good idea of how life would work for us out there. We have no misconception of Utopia just another country to live in and it will still have the same ups and downs as the UK, but hopefully with a better lifestyle.
Todays offerings were telling me he had been in contact with some friends down under and that they were surprised I had chosen Adelaide as it was so close to the desert and the summers got very hot (yes we know that) and that the cost of living whilst low (um actually I thought the general consensus was that it was more expensive) the wages were also low and the taxes high (My husband is a chef and the average wage out there is twice what he earns over here and we have worked out the tax and child benefits we oculd recieve and it appears very favourable, if we are right) but then he mentioned that Chefs jobs aren't often permanant out there (yes but there are plenty of caasual cheffing jobs and hubby is happy to flit til a permanant job comes up) grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr he then topped it off with not trying o be negative?????? Then there was a text last week saying hope you are not watching "deadly down under" guessing it was about beasties etc.
My husband is starting to get really narked and I can see him saying something soon. So for the sake of family harmony how do you deal with someone who does not necessarily think you are doing the right thing ??????
Its hard to hear but if you and your family are all ready and set to go then dont listen to the comments. We had this from my wifes parents and they said they would never visit. In the end we just said look you have your life and we have ours, we are doing this as we feel its right and there is nothing you can say to stop us and if you do not want to visit then thats your choice and it will be your loss. Now they know they cannot pressure us into changing there minds they just dont bring it up any more. You have to just accept that you hae made the decision and dont listen to comments or negativity.
Living In Adelaide Since Jan 2012 And Loving It
Unfortunately you'll have to get used to it, we have called these little episodes "jealous envy" and even get it at work. The genuine people are pleased for you and back you all the way, the others just want to see your dream go up in flames because they never had the balls to get off their arses and do something with their sad miserable lives .......and breathe
We have even fallen out with some people over it unfortunately, but hey its their loss not ours.
Go for it, you may only get this one shot, all the best for your future ;)
That's a tough one
The "Offerings" made me chuckle as they all have a grain of truth in them but are distorted to say the least.
Tell him that Tyke who has lived here 10 years says so!
I reckon this will get worse as the time for your move gets closer.
You are going to have to be tough and ever consider having a a proper "chat" with him about it.
Starting with " I know you are against this move but................"
Get it over with and be able to go forward knowing you have explained your valid reasons.
He'll come around.
Double post :embarrassed:
Last edited by thekings; 07-01-2010 at 07:11 PM.
Not on my end......guessing you are referring to Moi?
Originally Posted by thekings
Seemed to be a hiccup in posting .Impatient as I am I hit send again,had the old "Double post " error message but not showing here.
It was me double posting sorry I got impatient too and sent the whole thing twice, didn't want to be accused dare I say it of being a "post w****" I edited it so no one saw it
Last edited by caoimhe; 07-01-2010 at 11:10 PM.
Reason: kids use the forum
Thanks guys. we have talked about emmigrating for ages and only when we realised we have to do this for our family unit and for us as a couple did we get the balls to go ahead and do it. Ideally we don't want to leave our family behind but I don't think that deep down they would want us to hold ourselves back for them. My Mum is withdrawm about the subject and she says that she is sad but she knows why we want to do it and thinks it will be good for us to do it. I guess tho its nothing new to me that my Dad is outspoken about it he is about everything else. Whats funny is he is the one likely to get on the plane and visit.
'What are you trying to find, Utopia?' That's exactly what my Dad said to me and my hubby when we told both my parents of our intentions. However, upon returning from our reccie and bringing home half a ton of books, he could see one of our points of view about aussie homes (we even pointed out that some builders build two homes on one piece of land, one for the family one for the grandparents, so when he saw this he thought 'we could sell up and move to oz and have a sort of granny annex'. Amazing what a few pics of houses can do, and since then they've been fine, but I'm not saying they won't be devastated when we do move but will have a more understanding point of view. You only have one life and a short one at that so go for it, it'll be your father's loss if he can't see your side as well, he doesn't have to like it just understand it. I wish you luck.
Book your tickets and prove them wrong.
Originally Posted by k8bug79