More homesick now than ever before

[Guest Carla]

I'm a young(ish!) mum of 2 little kids (3 and 2 yrs old) and come this Sept will have been living in Adelaide for 3 years.

 

I don't know whether it's got something to do with the fact that it's 'summer' in the UK, but I seem to be having a really tough time of it at the moment, and find myself constantly breaking down in floods of tears about how homesick I am. I don't think it's the country I miss, but the people and the lifestyle I had before I moved out here. Most people said it would take at least a couple of years before this felt like home, and I admit I almost got there, but it feels like I'm going backwards.

 

When we first arrived, I made a real effort to join a local mothers' group and became quite friendly with a couple of girls - albeit in the Norwood area, where we were first living. I then moved to Happy Valley, took on a full time job and now struggle to find the time to work, be a mum, keep on top of the house, feed/cloth/wash everyone and keep myself sane. I just figure in the UK I would have more of a support network to help me with all this.

 

Plus my Mum and Dad (who live in the south of France) dropped the bombshell that they are returning to the UK in a couple of years and were considering getting into property development, and would I be interested? Talk about dangling a carrot!!! I have made a Pros and Cons list on Oz, and obviously the Pros list was far longer, but that doesn't seem to help!!

 

Am I going mental?!

[ThunderRoad]

Hiya, My husband just showed me your message as you have just summed up how I have been feeling (with the exception of my parents wanting me to go into property development that is)!

 

You are not alone, and most certainly not mental! Well done you for lasting this long without the severe homesick feeling. We have been here about 7 weeks now, and I really love it here and don't regret it, but I honestly had no idea I would miss all my family and friends this much.

 

It is so hard juggling work and a young family without your support network around you. I also feel riddled with guilt for taking the children away from their Grandparents. There must be something in the air as it has been the most tearful week for me so far.

 

Your doing the right thing with your list though, having not long left the UK I remember only too well the reasons we left in the first place. Wish you all the best in getting through this low phase. Remember your not alone and it will soon be time for our summer x

[taffordbark]

I'm sure it's the weather making us feel this way...............ur not on your own..! We've been here 12 months now and for me its the first time real homesickness has hit! I really miss family and friends and the familiarity of life ........but on the other hand love it here and don't want to go back to the UK....so it makes no sense really. Think its just part of the course.........our neighbours who are poms have been here 26 years say the best cure is to go back to UK for a holiday ...........so we may just do that..... but for tonight we shall enjoy the wine and keep warm...

[Guest Rich&Susie]

Hey Carla,

 

Really sympathise with how you're feeling at the moment. Got to agree with what the other posters have said. Doing a list should have really helped to focus the mind.

I'm not an authority on these matters, but i have been in a position where i've been homesick whilst travelling in australia (i travelled there for a year) and came through the other side. At the worst time, around about a third of my time over there i suffered from several panic attacks! Staying though was the best thing i've ever done (apart from getting married!).

 

If i could give you any advice it would be to build on the list that you'e already done. Try and identify what it is that would make you happy in Oz. At the very least should give you something to work towards, although this won't happen overnight.

It seems that from the list your head is telling you to stay but your heart is saying something else. You WILL get through this if you really want to and you'll be stronger for it. The fact that you're bringing up a couple of kids without a support network is brilliant - kudos to you for doing it! :-)

 

As for support networks, you say that your parents are in France. If you were back in the UK what would be different? Yes you'd have friends around you but what in reality would be different? (I imagine that you'd still have to juggle a full time job with bringing up your kids). I agree with what taffordbark says - maybe come back to the Uk and find out. At least that should help. (Have you had a trip back to the UK in the three years that you've been in Adelaide?)

 

From what you've already written i can tell that you're a strong person, but everyone needs a hand every now and then. I sincerley hope that you get through this difficult spell, but rest assured that you will make the right decision in the end.

 

Take care

Rich.

[Guest ctomo808]

Crikey something must be in the air!!!

 

Its very very hard, we have only been here 4 weeks and god i miss my mum, the kids have been playing up a treat!! There's really no break at all, it makes us realise just how much we relied on my mum and dads help.

I cant really give you any advice, but i just keep remembering why we did this in the first place!!

There are plenty of us out here so no excuses not to get together and have a chat to help each other, just shout!!

 

Hang in there

 

Candia (38) Dave (37) Logan (6) Jake (3)

 

xxx

[HEAPS GOOD !!!]

My thoughts go out to al you guys having a hard time of it right now.....you will/do miss friends and family i know i do.

I have a little boy back in the UK whom i miss terribly, i call him and chat on skype facebook etc etc, but its the hardest call i ever have to make i never saw him for 4 years as his mum stopped me from seeing him.

 

I beat myself up when i dont call him and then i feel like crap after i have called him......there are times when i feel like the worst dad in the world, i have a great family both here and back in the UK who realise what we have done and why we have done it.

 

I know that its bloody hard you gotta try and keep focussed on the reasons why you came here, and keep posting on here and mingling with positive forward thinking people, share your sad times and your good times......no-one ever said that moving to the other side of the world would be easy.

 

You know we are all here for everyone for help/advice or shoulders to cry on.

 

Good luck and keep the faith in what you have done.

 

HG

[Guest tess4]

hi carla

 

ive been here 1yr now and im finding it hard to cope with the homesickness, so my lovely hubby bought me a plane ticket home and im goning to have a 3 week holiday to see if that helps. it has helped a bit even knowing i have that to look forward to. adelaide is beautiful and i love it but i totally underestimated how much i would miss my family and friends. good luck with everything xxx

[Guest Carla]

Just wanted to say a massive thank you to all of you who took the time to write back on this thread. It certainly helps knowing that it's not just me, and that all the emotions - confusing as they are - are totally normal! Helen - I am certainly looking forward to summer coming back around! I struggle to find fun things to do with the kiddies when the weather is poor - but I guess if I was living in the UK I would have to cope with that a lot more!

 

I did take a trip back to the UK and France for 3 weeks in Feb to go celebrate my Mum's 60th birthday, and within 30 mins of getting off the plane at Heathrow I could already feel my stress levels increasing as the taxi driver was itching to get going as our flight was delayed and he had another job he had to be at. The traffic/weather/amount of people over there was HORRENDOUS but it did snow twice which was lovely for the kids!

[Diane]

Even after nearly six years here, I still get that feeling when the weather is cold here whilst everyone in the UK is off on their hols.... And the grandchildren guilt thing gets no easier ever - especially as both my parents and in laws are either late 70s or eearly 80s so it feels like the dreaded clock is ticking faster and faster....

 

For me, one solution is to buy a copy of the International Express - I know it's terribly biased reporting, and nothing like reality, but reading about a kid getting knifed on every street corner, the corruption in politics and all the other bandwagons the Express loves to leap on, makes me feel slightly better about being here rather than there! Won't work for everyone, I know, but helps me....

[Guest Scrappin' Julie]

You're doing Fab Carla - let it out on here and you will get so much support...everyone is so helpful on here and a problem shared is def a problem halved

[Guest Scrappin' Julie]

My thoughts go out to al you guys having a hard time of it right now.....you will/do miss friends and family i know i do.

I have a little boy back in the UK whom i miss terribly, i call him and chat on skype facebook etc etc, but its the hardest call i ever have to make i never saw him for 4 years as his mum stopped me from seeing him.

 

I beat myself up when i dont call him and then i feel like crap after i have called him......there are times when i feel like the worst dad in the world, i have a great family both here and back in the UK who realise what we have done and why we have done it.

HG

 

Hey - just wanted to give you a cyber hug mate!

[foxychick]

agree with what everyone has said, for some of us, it doesn't seem to get as easy as we would like it

 

I know you work full time, but if you ever have a Tuesday afternoon off, we are running a playgroup at the old cottage nursery, reynella, which shouldnt be too far from you. all poms, and often someone struggling with homesickness to chat to!

[snifter]

Just thought I'd share my experiences (although not living in Aus atm). I did spend almost 8 years living overseas in my 20's however.

 

During that time I had pangs of homesickness on and off. It was never constantly niggling away at me as most of the time life was just too busy to let me get distracted by it. However when it did hit it would hit hard and often during winter months (winter blues are a common minor depression that can affect even the happiest person).

 

Even if they lingered for a few weeks or so, they did pass and I would always come out the other side of it just fine. However I did used to have a sit down and make a few notes and pros and cons etc. But I would then put them away in the drawer and not look at them again during the homesick phase. Once it was past and I was again feeling more normal and rational about things, I'd pull the list out of the drawer and look at it again with a more objective mind and revise it if I felt I needed to. Often what had been negatives I could once again make positives and my list of positives to remain was very long.

 

Never make a decision to return during a homesick phase. Try to ride it out and look at it afterwards and see how you really feel then. Often a couple of months can make a huge difference to your mindset and your mood about things.

 

Also as others have said, taking a holiday back to the UK will often cure you of your homesickness. I used to book 3 weeks to spend in the UK and after a week I was itching to leave again! I used to love to see my parents and a few friends but otherwise I realised it wasn't where I wanted to be and it wasn't my home any longer. And I was homesick for where I was living overseas.

 

It is easy and understandable to get emotional about missing family and good friends. But you could live , 4 or more hours away in the UK and only see them once a year (as I do from many of my friends). Distance is often in your mind because its a physical thing but over time you can adjust to it and learn to handle the homesickness when it hits.

 

I found that my first 2-3 years away were so busy I didn't have time to really pine for anything. Nor did I want to tbh. I really made the move and moved both feet over to the country I was living in and didn't dwell on what I might be missing in the UK. I didn't compare prices, foods I was missing, none of it. Just dived in to life in my new country. I think I was the better for it. It was only after being away about 4 years I really started to miss certain things but never enough to make me want to move back at that time. Again, a week back in Blighty usually cured me

 

The thing I would do when homesick or wanting to feel closer to a person back in the UK would be sitting down and writing a letter. The old fashioned way and posting it. Knowing that 10 days or so later my mother or friend would be sitting down to read it and hopefully write a reply of some kind was always something to look forward to.

 

Ummm yes, I can waffle

[Guest nicandchris]

thanks everyone, reading everyone's posts about missing the UK but about how a holiday back to the UK would help and really spirred me on - to moving to Adelaide. Whilst the UK is great here with friends and family etc as has been said, the stress is really high, i dont want to bring my 5.5 month old baby up here with the knifings etc and the school system blah blah. So whilst you miss the UK its probably through rose tinted glasses? Ps Does it really get that cold?

 

chins up for the summer guys! nic

[Guest Wayniebeast]

Hi to everyone, I have just registered today after reading about home sickness etc. and thought i'de share my experiences.

I had been feeling terribly homesick for nearly the whole 3 1/2 years we lived in South Australia.

I was always telling my wife that the UK was far more sophisticated and the level of customer service was also better as well as all our friends and relatives lived quite happily in the UK. This was even after taking two holidays in the UK.

We finaly moved back in March and for the first 2 weeks of staying with family it was great.

Unfortunately in the time we have been away the UK has either gone down hill or the life in SA was not as bad as once thought.

The level of incompetence is amazing, hardly anybody smiles, there is little or no work, the violence is everywhere and I could go on.

So after 4 months we have decided to go back to SA and we are extremely excited about it, although a little poorer as my wife and I could not find work and our furniture needs to make the long trip again.

I'm sure that if I had someone to talk to who had been through these feelings then maybe it would have helped me make the right decision.

[Guest nicandchris]

hia Yes i have to agree about the UK, although i love it here in Yorkshire with the beautiful countyside its the rest of it that makes me want to move. After living abroad including aussie for a year i know that life doesnt have to the rat race that it is in England but you really dont know that until you have lived elsewhere. Im trying to convince my OH whose never left England that living in Adelaide whilst might not be much cheaper its more laid back and less stressful overall than the UK. Fingers crossed for moving late next year if possible.

 

Good luck with your move back to SA anyway!

 

Nic

[Guest jessica_svr]

Hi Carla, (and everyone else out there who is feeling abit low)

 

I would just like to say that I am jealous!!! I was in Adelaide in 2007-2008 and I made a pros and cons list about whether or not to come back to the UK. My pros list was WAY bigger than the cons but I decided to follow my heart instead of my head and came back anyway!! BIG MISTAKE!!! I would say I regret my decision, but in actual fact it has only made me more aware of how much I love australia, and how it is definitely the right place for me!! So I have my visa granted, and my flight booked for boxing day, so I'll arrive back right ontime for some fantastic new years eve celebrations with my old friends! I absolutely cant wait!!!

 

Trust me there is no summer taking place over here - The temperature is probably still higher over there and its 'allegedly' your winter!! The weather prevents so much over here - Im sure there would be a lot less options for you to keep your family entertained if you were back in the UK. I'd say you're very lucky Carla, and that you definitely have the better end of the deal!!

 

Hope it all works out for you!

Jess x

[Guest Deb17]

I haven't been on PIA for so long - mainly because things are STILL tough, and in the interests of putting it plainly...we have been here 4 long years...sigh. I know now how the convicts must have felt (and yes, before some wag dives in here, I am aware SA wasn't settled by convicts.) But I am in exile here, still. The long hard road to settling in Australia is still not smooth - but having put up with misery, heartache, and knowing I will never see my family again (they won't fly here and we'll never have the money to fly home!) there is nothing else to do but bite the bullet and put up with it. I still remain so sceptical that our decision to move abroad was anything like a good idea - we'd have been far happier and better off in the UK - even my kids have never settled here - apart from fresher air they never took to the lifestyle either. Added to that, the financial stresses and strains, and the resentment of staying out here when I wanted to go home and hubby wouldn't has been the death of my former 'happy' marriage.

 

This is probably all very depressing - but I'm really past caring anymore if people want to have a go and tell me I should stop being a whingeing Pom. This is the reality of life out here for some. Some people will never settle; I guess I'm one of them. Whatever your head says, I would say go with your heart...

[Guest cunnah10]

Hello Deb ... was really surprised to see you pop up on here (been a LONG time as you say) .... really upset me reading your post as I know how hard it has been for you AND still is ... we must meet up for coffee .. Gill x

[Guest Deb17]

Thank you Gill, we really must have a catch up soon.

Anyone reading this would think I am all doom and gloom, but I actually started a new job five weeks ago - full-time as well, but still not in teaching, which is part of what really saddens me about being here. I have done what other people said I should; - I adapted and changed career, because that was what was necessary to stick it out here. But I won't earn the kind of money, or have the kind of professional status in the job I'm doing now, that I had in teaching. Giving up a vocation is a hard thing to swallow.

So, yeah, give me a call, and when I get a day off from work, we'll meet up. Hope you and the family are all well Gill. Wishing you and anyone else who reads this, the very best of British luck...and I say British, 'cos in Australia, I don't seem to have had much! x

[ian mc]

I haven't been on PIA for so long - mainly because things are STILL tough, and in the interests of putting it plainly...we have been here 4 long years...sigh. I know now how the convicts must have felt (and yes, before some wag dives in here, I am aware SA wasn't settled by convicts.) But I am in exile here, still. The long hard road to settling in Australia is still not smooth - but having put up with misery, heartache, and knowing I will never see my family again (they won't fly here and we'll never have the money to fly home!) there is nothing else to do but bite the bullet and put up with it. I still remain so sceptical that our decision to move abroad was anything like a good idea - we'd have been far happier and better off in the UK - even my kids have never settled here - apart from fresher air they never took to the lifestyle either. Added to that, the financial stresses and strains, and the resentment of staying out here when I wanted to go home and hubby wouldn't has been the death of my former 'happy' marriage.

 

This is probably all very depressing - but I'm really past caring anymore if people want to have a go and tell me I should stop being a whingeing Pom. This is the reality of life out here for some. Some people will never settle; I guess I'm one of them. Whatever your head says, I would say go with your heart...

Good post just lets everyone thinking of coming over its all not rosy here for everyone and some people just can not settle

[Diane]

A good thought for people coming over here is to put some money in the bank - enough to pay for flights home in an emergency - that you don't touch for anything else. I know that's possibly easier said than done, but to be in a place you don't want to be, without the wherewithal to get out, is not a nice position to be in !

[Guest Bluenose]

24 years in Australia and I still miss things back in England and I left when I was 16! It took me about 10 years before I stopped feeling homesick all the time. Never feel that your weird or going crazy if suddenly find something triggers a missing home feeling. For me, it's whenever I watch a doco. on TV about the UK or watching something about the countryside etc. I get this feeling even though I've lived most of my life here.....it's a sadness...as if I've lost a connection of where I'm from.

 

I too miss my family and friend (yes I'm still in contact with him after all this time) I'm going back in a few months for Christmas.....no matter how good Australia... Christmas just doesn't feel the same here! So I'm going to suffer 2 friggin winters

 

I f you do think about moving back then I would strongly advise that you go home for a holiday first see if those rose tinted memories are really as rosey as you remember.....Imagine what it would be like to live there again etc etc....and if it's what you want then by all means move back.

 

Cheers

 

J

[sduffy]

Deb,best of luck with the new job.

 

Have sent you a PM.

 

Sue

[Guest katsmajic]

Debs, sorry to hear things are still tough for you. I hope the new job gives you some satisfaction and leads to a more positive future xxx