Homesick and Confused!

[Guest skoobzz]

Hi everyone!

 

Thought I'd post a comment in the hope of getting some advice! I've lived in Oz for 11 years and up until early last year, I'd never been homesick and wouldn't have considered moving home if you paid me!

 

But alas, times change and for the past 18 months, all I have thought about is moving back home to be with my family and friends. My Dad is nearly 70 and I dread the early morning 'death call' from my brother telling me something has happened to him. I've also reached that age where all my friends have paired up and I don't seem to have a life anymore.

 

Problem is that I absolutely LOVE Australia! I also have a good job which I studied hard for which doesn't exist in the UK and the qualification requirements are different for the other roles I've done. I'm currently studying another Masters degree so if I move home, I'll be able to work in a related field but it will be a couple of years til I finish the program (although I could finish it in the UK).

 

I guess, I am lonely and I think if had friends to go out with in the UK, I might actually have a chance of meeting a guy!! I also want to have a proper relationship with my Dad before it's too late.

 

I'm scared of everything related to moving back - the cost of moving myself and 6 pets, what to take, what not to take, where to live, how to find a house to rent, how to find a job and most of all.... what if I hate it and can't afford to come back to Oz?!!

 

Everyone in England thinks I am mad to want to go back and everyone in Oz is telling me to go home because they can see I am unhappy.

 

But is the grass really greener? Is the lure of my family and friends enough to make up for England's shortcomings?

 

I went home last year for 6 weeks and almost stayed and since then it's been a daily battle to stop feeling the non-stop, gut wrenching homesickness!

 

So, if any of you have any thoughts on my situation I'd be very grateful to hear them.

 

Thanks in advance!

 

[ian mc]

I have been here 13 years, last year I felt the same as yourself went back on holiday and did not want to come back came back and could not settle so ended up going back again to get it out of my system seemed to have helped a bit but would love to go back one day to live in UK.

[Guest nicandchris]

Hi its strange isnt it reading the new posts today about life in the UK v life in Aussie. were wanting to move to Adelaide for the 'better' quality of life i.e. more relaxed, better housing and more relaxed schooling for our son. However i feel a little overwhelmed today by hearing about a lot of people wanting to go back to the UK and how stressful, expensive etc etc it is is oz. It really makes me think twice about heading over, is it really that bad because i can tell you its just getting worse and worse back here in England and i would nt wish it on anybody.

[snifter]

I can understand your worries about your father but he may well be one of the people to say not to come back on his account but to live your life. On the other hand he may well be asking you to come back. I don't think guilt or fear of future events really help when reaching a decision such as this.

 

I don't know, I've always had my mother and stepfather encourage me to live my life and not factor in their getting older as a reason to stay. When I told them my husband and I planned to move back to Adelaide (hubby is from there) they were totally supportive and have told us not to feel obliged or that we are abandoning them or anything like that. They don't want to be a reason we hold back. I may be lucky in that respect. I also don't have any unanswered questions with regard to my relationship with them.

 

If you are not close to your father or don't have the best relationship, moving back may or may not resolve that. My experience with my own father, whom I am not close to and have seen once in the past 12 years is such that I long ago accepted and am fine with not having a father/daughter relationship and that we will never be close. So I have no issues there.

 

I think friendships and feeling lonely may well be the same wherever you are in the world. Moving back isn't going to be a cure for it. People you knew here have moved on also. I know when I returned to the UK after 8 years away I couldn't get back into the lives of friends I had known. A superficial level but never as it had been before I went away. And meeting men was harder coming back here than it was where I had been living the previous 8 years. In fact I found the social scene so hideously depressing back here I stopped going out in that way. It was boring and too many drunken people in the pubs and clubs. The drinking culture has really changed here in more recent years.

 

I think you need to perhaps come back again for a visit and view it all with a critical eye and not the rose tinted ones. Also remember that seeing people for a holiday isn't going to be on par with how it will be in reality should you move back. People have lives, jobs, families and possibly won't be able to make the kind of time for you they did while you were on hols here. I know I found that a noticeable thing. Holidays were always far more fun than the reality of living back here. Cost of living is high, jobs getting scarce, working hours long (compared to other countries) a decent home (rented or bought) costs and like anywhere, the day to day reality is nothing like the holiday.

 

If you are really unhappy and think moving will solve everything you may well find that it doesn't. It might help to maybe try to meet some new people, take up a new group hobby or something and get back out there over there. Also winter does tend to make people a bit more down (those winter blues have a lot to answer for) so perhaps don't rush into anything and see if you can improve things where you are, at least till you are feeling in a better place to decide.

[Moosh]

I read Tuesday's edition of the International Express yesterday. Where I was having homesick thoughts, it soon put reality back into perspective and made me glad to be in Australia. The UK is in economic turmoil and all the stories were just depressing.

[Guest cornish Busdriver]

We had my mum, the missus mum and gran come over for a holiday in feb this year and the convesation of when the enevatable happens came up.

Now my mum is in her 70's and has just came out of hospital after water on the lungs and heart faliure + the missus gran is in her 80's and just got over breast cancer and a knee replacement.

Basically me and the missus were told no lets get this right we were ordered by them that when the phone call does happen that we are NOT to go back to the uk for the funeral as they want us to remember them as they were here and not in a box.

Ive never been close to my family but since being here i have had more contact with more of them than ever before, i think mainly because they just wanna come out for holidays but the missus comes from a very close family and it was quiet heart renching for her when the parents went back after the holiday and also is planning for us to go back for a holiday after we become Aussie citizens.

My mum is always sending me the local and Uk news papers over and i keep up to date on most news through the BBC website and we know that we made the right decision to move here as the UK un-employment is rising, taxs are rising, crime is rising, imigration / asylum seeker applications is rising, house prices are starting to rise but no-one can afford to buy and the ecomomy is still trying to recover which they think could take 10 years too do.

So to me now the Uk would be a nice place to visit but i could never see my self ever moving there again.

[Guest janmoo]

Hi everyone! Omg please dont even conider moving back to uk it is horrendous at the moment! My hubby cant get work hes a buider and has had work for bout 6 weeks all through last year we arrive in adelaide for good at end of month.

 

The property market is in turmoil and government are squeezing every penny out of us. Then theres the weather on bank hols we have a day out to tescos coz theres frig all to do. Then theres utilities, petrol food prices etc etc and most importantly when you drive round the countryside theres no kangaroos"!

 

Well we do have rolf harris i guess! Lmao

 

Thought I'd post a comment in the hope of getting some advice! I've lived in Oz for 11 years and up until early last year, I'd never been homesick and wouldn't have considered moving home if you paid me!

 

But alas, times change and for the past 18 months, all I have thought about is moving back home to be with my family and friends. My Dad is nearly 70 and I dread the early morning 'death call' from my brother telling me something has happened to him. I've also reached that age where all my friends have paired up and I don't seem to have a life anymore.

 

Problem is that I absolutely LOVE Australia! I also have a good job which I studied hard for which doesn't exist in the UK and the qualification requirements are different for the other roles I've done. I'm currently studying another Masters degree so if I move home, I'll be able to work in a related field but it will be a couple of years til I finish the program (although I could finish it in the UK).

 

I guess, I am lonely and I think if had friends to go out with in the UK, I might actually have a chance of meeting a guy!! I also want to have a proper relationship with my Dad before it's too late.

 

I'm scared of everything related to moving back - the cost of moving myself and 6 pets, what to take, what not to take, where to live, how to find a house to rent, how to find a job and most of all.... what if I hate it and can't afford to come back to Oz?!!

 

Everyone in England thinks I am mad to want to go back and everyone in Oz is telling me to go home because they can see I am unhappy.

 

But is the grass really greener? Is the lure of my family and friends enough to make up for England's shortcomings?

 

I went home last year for 6 weeks and almost stayed and since then it's been a daily battle to stop feeling the non-stop, gut wrenching homesickness!

 

So, if any of you have any thoughts on my situation I'd be very grateful to hear them.

 

Thanks in advance!

 

[Riponian]

I just want to say that I have only been here 10mths but I lost my Dad earlier this year to Cancer which I knew would happen but it has been really hard not having that time to say goodbye at a funeral but I got by I bought a tree and named it after my Dad.

I went back to see him and spend some quality time with him and I am so glad I did. I left my husband and children here in Adelaide so I suppose I have them to lean on.

 

 

Sounds like you know what you want to do but looking for justification to stay or go... If I was in your shoes I would not go back to live but make another trip at least until you have finished your studies then you will be able to look at your options more clearly and maybe apply for a job that will help you make the move back

Is there anyway you can make yourself feel happier here, getting out more, making new friends, starting a new hobby? I would try everything you can to make it work here and then at least you can say you tried and (not that if you didn't it would be a failure) after all you have been here for 11yrs and you say you love it so get back doinf the things that make you happy and remember the reasons why you came here in the first place.

 

Good luck with your sole searching and hope you can be heppier.

 

xx

[adelaidenow]

imigration / asylum seeker applications is rising,

 

Matt,what is wrong with immigration? Arent you an immigrant, if locals weren't happy with immigrants and made you feel unwelcome, what would you do?

[Guest puff the dragon]

Hi everyone!

 

Thought I'd post a comment in the hope of getting some advice! I've lived in Oz for 11 years and up until early last year, I'd never been homesick and wouldn't have considered moving home if you paid me!

 

But alas, times change and for the past 18 months, all I have thought about is moving back home to be with my family and friends. My Dad is nearly 70 and I dread the early morning 'death call' from my brother telling me something has happened to him. I've also reached that age where all my friends have paired up and I don't seem to have a life anymore.

 

Problem is that I absolutely LOVE Australia! I also have a good job which I studied hard for which doesn't exist in the UK and the qualification requirements are different for the other roles I've done. I'm currently studying another Masters degree so if I move home, I'll be able to work in a related field but it will be a couple of years til I finish the program (although I could finish it in the UK).

 

I guess, I am lonely and I think if had friends to go out with in the UK, I might actually have a chance of meeting a guy!! I also want to have a proper relationship with my Dad before it's too late.

 

I'm scared of everything related to moving back - the cost of moving myself and 6 pets, what to take, what not to take, where to live, how to find a house to rent, how to find a job and most of all.... what if I hate it and can't afford to come back to Oz?!!

 

Everyone in England thinks I am mad to want to go back and everyone in Oz is telling me to go home because they can see I am unhappy.

 

But is the grass really greener? Is the lure of my family and friends enough to make up for England's shortcomings?

 

I went home last year for 6 weeks and almost stayed and since then it's been a daily battle to stop feeling the non-stop, gut wrenching homesickness!

 

So, if any of you have any thoughts on my situation I'd be very grateful to hear them.

 

Thanks in advance!

 

Hi

 

I can fully understand what you are feeling.I find aus quite lonely too and thats despite my hubbie and kids!!!

 

We live on an estate where no neighbours speak to us,no kids play out etc.I suppose it depends where you are and where you were from.

By comparison my kids had tons of friends nearby and played out all the time in the uk.Our neighbours were lovely and we knew most of them well

 

So in my opinion it is much easier to meet people in the uk,more clubs,pubs etc

 

I think only you can know what you truly want.Try to think where you see yourself in 5 or 10 years what would you be doing if you could put aside the worries/fears etc

 

Best wishes

[adelaidenow]

I find I am out far more then I was in the UK, maybe its because its the groups I have got involved with, and friendships have been formed through them.

 

If I wasn't on committees, playing and coaching sport etc I would probably feel isolated, but maybe an answer is to get involved in groups or at the kids school?

[ozzieclare2be]

I think you need to think about whats going to be best for you in the long term.

 

Its very hard i think being single here without not much of a network around you, i know as im in that situation myself and have also considered going back. When you have a partner things dont seem as bad as you have ready made support, and i dont think people who are coupled up appreciate this really. Being single in Adelaide is hard i think, everything is concentrated around the city and i know several single people who really struggle to try and meet quality people (excuse the phrase but not sure how else to put it) . so i understand where your coming from in that way.

 

If i were you, id probly finish your course and even consider moving nearer the city and become more involved with social groups etc. I recently took in an english girl for a few weeks til she got on her feet and this is what shes done, i could put you in touch with her if you like as shes in a similar boat socially. Then after your course has finished review how you feel, you might find if you widen your circle a bit to include other single peeps things might change.

 

For me i think i will always have some homesickness and its often worse being a single parent as i dont have help from anyone except my exhusband really.

 

Im off to the uk tomorrow for 3 weeks but if you fancy a night out when i get back let me know hun, and keep your chin up, have a good think about where your heart lies xx:wubclub:

[Guest RogerRamjet]

Hi

Can relate to what you mean after 4 years here

Confusing reality is there is no right or wrong answer or step

You have tried the 6 week stint, I think the clue lies in the need for a group of mates

Try linking up with groups or a new activity, sounds simple but does work

Best

RR

[Guest Bluenose]

I don't think there's a right or wrong answer about whether you go back or not.

 

Try and distance yourself from the emotional side of why you want to go back and think about things logically....I know it's easier said than done. I think alot of ppl make decisions due to their emotions at the time.....only to have regrets later on.

 

The above doesn't really help you much. Ultimately, it's your decision and choice.

 

If what I've heard from friends still in England is anything to go by then things there are far worse than what they are here and will be for many years to come. Many say that Australia isn't as cheap as back home and I'd probably have to agree with them as I myself have been amazed at the rise and cost of everything over the last 10 years...especially house prices. Unfortunately that always happens when a country performs well and Australia has certainly gone above and beyond. But it's better to be in our current position ie minimal job losses and financial hardship (which isn't the case for all) than many other countries around the world. I don't think people in Australia realise just how big a bullet (Global Financial Crisis) we dodged.....

 

I trust whatever decision you make is the right one for you.

 

Take care

[ian mc]

UK un-employment is rising, taxs are rising, crime is rising, imigration / asylum seeker applications is rising, house prices are starting to rise .

Sounds a bit like here also