14.5 years in Australia and homesick - Aussie husband & kids!

[Guest Minerbird]

Hi all,

 

I've been a long-time lurker here but I think this is my first post. Here goes....could be long

 

I've lived in Australia for 14.5 years, the last 3.5 here in Adelaide (VIC before that). I met my husband here after only 5 weeks. We have 3 kids who were all born here. I've been back to the UK 5 times since I left - the most recent for 5 weeks over Christmas - just got back last Wednesday.

 

I've never had any desire to return to the UK to live and in fact have considered myself to be far more Aussie than British! That is, until this last trip. We all had an absolute blast and covered a heck of a lot of the country. For the first time I felt that I really did not want to leave; I cried in the taxi on the way to the airport, I cried in the airport, and I cried in the taxi as we drove home in Adelaide. 5 days later and I'm still crying!!

 

The thing is, everyone in the family feels the same way. Hubby is keen to live there and so are all 3 kids (ages 12, 11 and 9). Only problem is that everything comes down to money with my hubby - and our earning power is greater here than in the UK.

 

To throw a spanner in the works, 3 weeks before we went on holiday, hubby's boss asked him if he would be interested in taking the managers' job in Aberdeen. We said that yes, we were very interested. But the company is notoriously slow and we have our doubts it would actually come off in the end.

 

Put simply, I now can't bear the thought of NOT going back. I'm sure hubby and the kids will get over it and be just fine, but I'm not sure I can . Any ideas how to "get over it"?

Cheers folks

[minty]

As some one who has just got here im not sure i can answer your question but from just leaving the Uk its not a great place to be at the moment. The economy is shot and will not fix itself soon and being a part of the EU has its downfalls with unskilled migration.

 

I do sometimes wonder though if us migraters are just a different breed. Always looking to spread out our wings and try somthing new. will we ever be happy ? make me think !!!!!

 

I know oz is what im looking for but in 10 years will i/we be looking for something more. I guess it makes life less more ordinary.

 

Hope you find your answers and good luck.

 

Chris.

[IrishStew]

Hi Guys

 

Follow these links and you might get over it.

 

http://www.businessweek.com/news/2012-01-16/u-k-home-sellers-cut-prices-as-recovery-in-paralysis-economy.html

http://www.businessweek.com/news/2012-01-16/e-y-item-club-says-u-k-economy-back-in-recession-cuts-forecast.html

http://www.reuters.com/article/2012/01/12/britain-boe-rates-idUSL6E8CC2OU20120112

http://www.guardian.co.uk/money/2011/sep/29/uk-worst-quality-of-life-europe

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2061855/Two-thirds-fear-new-UK-recession-survey-says-Britain-second-worst-place-live-Europe.html

 

I know with your Kids you might feel you need to move sooner rather than later, but in light of the general climate in the UK, you might want to rethink. Having said that your dollar is worth more now than ever.

 

Regards

IrishStew

[Guest zidden]

What you have to remember is that you were in the UK on holiday. No matter where you are in the world it is different when on holiday. The realms of working the 9-5, hitting traffic, getting kids ready for school, school run etc... is probably not experienced when over at Christmas. Also it was a holiday period and generally friends/relatives are off work, once the daily grind resumes it will be back to the norm.

 

Alternatively nothing lasts forever and maybe it is just time to return to the UK. However many of the posts and links do comment on the state of the economy. Something that will unfortunately be a burden here in the UK for a few years more at least.

[Misplaced]

My mum and dad returned to the UK after 13 years living in Oz. they had come back over for my granddads funeral and mum stayed on a bit longer than dad - 3 years later we were back in the UK!!

 

I know my dad regretted coming back and mum always said she did the right thing but I was never too convinced when she said that - more so of not losing face with dad I think. For me it was a big adventure met my wife have 2 kids but now it's time to move back home for me and rediscover and for my family to discover what Australia has to offer.

 

If your husbands company is willing to sort the move out etc. I don't see the harm in coming back as he will have a job and that isn't what over 2 million have in the UK and it will probably hit 3 million in the last 6 months of this year!! If it turns out that you don't like it, will your husbands company relocate him back to Oz.

 

Personally, I wouldn't move back to the UK at the moment there is just so much uncertainty, debt and joblessness. I know things aren't all roses in Oz but at the moment it has far more going for it than the UK.

 

I don't think I have helped you with your feelings of being homesick but hopefully i have helped in some other way.

 

Best of luck,

 

Mis

[Guest Squareman]

I respect your opinions and your lives are yours to live but I simply cannot get my head around why someone would want to leave Australia for Aberdeen! It boggles my mind.

[Guest PaulandVicky]

I think two weeks in Aberdeen. Looking at the Adelaide weather forecast would get me over it........

[Mini2005]

I don't have any magic answer on how to "get over it" because I've been in your position. Just give yourself time to make the decision and weigh everything up including all the "what ifs". You may find that those feelings dwindle away but at least you will be as sure as anyone can be when making the decision. Everyone seems to get a little hung up on the weather but that means nothing in the scheme of things. If your family is happy in a place, it makes no difference whether its sunny or raining. The UK is a great place but it has its problems which may or may not affect you directly. I have been very lucky and work in a specialist company that has just had its best year yet. I think an awful lot depends on your area of work and if you can research the specific situation that would help you decide what to do. Whatever your decision, take some time and good luck

[JimandBarbinAus]

I think the way you are feeling maybe because youve had a lovely 5 week holiday. Life is different on holiday and lets face it we all feel good on holiday!!! The situation in the uk isnt great especially for younger generations, there is a recession, jobs are few and far between and the daily grind is quite grim during winter. See how you feel in a few months after youve settled back in then make plans .... :)x

[Guest ladyarkles]

It might help if you really could break down what it is that you actually miss.......

If it is people (family or friends) then you are having a perfectly normal reaction to leaving them at the end of a trip.

You will get over that heartache; you have managed to cope with it for a long time already.

 

Is it the place that you miss?

In which case, think of it like meeting up with an ex-boyfriend; you felt leaving him was the best thing all those years ago but now you have seen him again you fancy another go round. What will be different? Not much. If anything all those things that you were dissatisfied with 14 years ago have got a little more pronounced.

 

Your recent trip back was like a holiday romance, beautiful, bitter-sweet and short lived.

 

As someone who has not long arrived in Oz, I have to tell you that life here is of a much, much better quality.

I lived in Asia for many years and had to go back to Blighty in 2010; it had pretty much changed beyond all recognition.

They will have to drag me back there kicking and screaming.

 

I hope that you start feeling a little less upset; it must be very difficult for you and those around you to cope with.

In the long run, you have to follow your heart - but don't ignore your head completely.

 

~ Rachel

[Diane]

Would it be possible for you to take some long leave from your jobs here, rent out your house, and maybe go over for 3-6 months? Your children are of an age where it won't affect their schooling too greatly, and you could perhaps rent a place in Aberdeen and contact a local school there for the children to attend during your stay? That way you'd get more of a feel of living there, with less of the holiday-tinted glasses, and be able to make an informed decision rather than just jumping out of the frying pan in to the fire if it doesn't pan out (sorry about the pun!)

 

Certainly I think Adelaide is a far better, safer place for teenagers to grow up than the UK, what with Uni fees in the UK (perhaps not in Scotland, I know they get a lot of subsidies not available elsewhere in the country), escalating unemployment, and the all-pervading media pressure from the red-tops and reality TV that I think we are very sheltered from here. (I think teenage role models here tend to be sportsmen and women, whereas there it's the likes of Paris Hilton and Amy Winehouse - I know who I'd prefer my kids to want to emulate - although don't get me started on the current trend here for body building for boys..)

 

If you haven't found our parent site, Poms in Oz, there is a big section there on Moving Back to the UK (http://www.pomsinoz.com/forum/moving-back-uk/) which might be worth a browse through

[jim and adel]

Got to say I have a different view than most of the responses so far. If it's what you all want to do, then go for it rather than get over it. We've been in SA just over four years and been back to UK to visit regularly (last time just recently). All my family and friends still have jobs, nice houses, kids that aren't monsters and just do normal kids things. For us, the UK's a great place - it has its problems, of course, and took the full force of the GFC, but it's also still one of the world's largest economies, has a crime rate on a par with other developed countries (despite all the fear-mongering), and has a 'vibe' that much of the rest of the world can't match (after all, all those Australians living there can't all be wrong ...) - so if you don't mind the weather then explore the possibility of going back.

 

Having said all that, for the record I also think SA is a great place to be (which is why we're here), so in many ways you've got a dilemma that many people in many parts of the world would envy!

 

Good luck with the choice!

 

Jim

[Guest James]

This is really intersting and I had a think about it. I would say do you think when you went back you suddenly were subconsciously thinking what your life could have been if you had srayed and upset at that loss? Or is your very Englishness and connection with the land as an English person rekindled, it is a beautiful mystical ancient land in may ways with all our old buildings and churches? Just a thought. If your husband gets a transfer why not try it? What to loose. I do wonder though if your feelings may change after a few months longer here and you may get back to normal as you have not missed it up until now. For me I always missed it atleast three or four months of any year if not more and therefore i know Australia is not for me long term. In your case it sounds different.

 

Incidentally I wish other people writing in would think before running the UK down so much , it has problems it inot Bangladesh in the scale of problems. At the end of the day what is wrong with the UK will not make you like it here any more, it is just a negative mindset I think of those justifying their own move to Australia as they clearly are not that secure about it. To those contributors who criticise England all the time do not generalise Bolton is not Devon and Tottenham is not Bournemouth. It is different depending where you are. Some places will suit some and not others The English dwell on the negative ( me included) the Australians do not as much. In reaity both places have issues, I could make a list as long as your arm about the problems in Australia but ultimately that is just justifying my own views as those are who do the same for England, it does not make you like the other country more.

 

Probably more useful advise in this case would be to work out what you miss, can you find teh same here or get used to not having it. Give it some time and then you will know if this was a temporary blip in your long stay here or you really wnat your home country again

[Guest James]

After i sent this I thought I might have come on a bit strong, apologies, just do not feel running down the UK makes people who are sad here feel better, in some ways worse as it make sthem feel they are stuck here if you can follow that

[snifter]

James, I don't read this thread and see people running down the UK that much. TBH its just general chat about it. I think its important to remember that no one is saying the UK is a hellhole or the worst place on earth or anything like that. But they have genuine concerns about it, albeit many of them watching from afar without having lived here in a while. I think its natural in a thread like this for that sort of thing to come up, especially as its what the news feeds us morning noon and night. Honestly, everywhere you turn, even in the UK it is rammed down our throats that life here is dire. That we are back in recession now, the NHS is going to collapse when its partially privatised, the education system is failing and Uni fees are going to cripple people for life and more. And if you believe all the hype or happen to be living in a very deprived area with a high crime rate, then it well might be.

 

Yet for the most part, the average Joe is getting by. Sure lots of cutting back for many, for others not. Sure there are big cracks in certain aspects of society, they bother me greatly, but there, its life, you deal with it if you have to.

 

Now, back to the topic

 

I'm still here and I freely admit I'm happy here, have a good life and so on. And yes, we are still moving to Aus I'll also be the first to say if the OP's hubby gets an offer of a job transfer with work that has a return to Aus clause in it should they decide once they are back there it really isn't for them, then why not go for it. At least to try. If all the family are really sure its what they want, why not.

 

However, I will also say that Aberdeen has serious unemployment and other issues, the whole Scotland devolution thing is coming to a head in the next couple of years and that could change Scotland dramatically in many ways. Also things like daylight savings, where in winter its many hours of darkness will take some getting used to for everyone. And the cold. It was -14C last night here, and we live near Bristol. Winter heating costs a FORTUNE in these really cold winters and the last two have gone on a long time and even for me, a hardy country girl who loves the cold they have dragged and been really hard work to get through in terms of being able to be outside, be active and so on.

 

And yes, I would also chime in with the holiday aspect. But I would say that for anyone going the other way also, to anywhere. If you went on holiday and loved it, remember the reality of living back there day in day out is going to be the same as in your 3 bed semi in Walthamstow or Cambridge or wherever you happen to live. Just somewhere else on the planet. So try to put the holiday emotions in a box and deal with things in a more practical way and really sit down and assess things in the cold light of day. Also doing the sums for finances is a HUGE thing as no one wants to move to a place they can't afford to live in as it can make things seem so much harder and miserable and really put a damper on things. Its about seeing if you can live within your means and if need be, to really do homework and be prepared to make some concessions on things if its what you want. That might mean a smaller house to start with or renting out your place in Aus for a year initially to give yourself some breathing room and only renting in the UK to start with. Then a bit further down the road, if you are sure one way or the other, you can then decide what to do. I'd say be cautious before giving up everything in Aus and moving, give yourself options should you get here and realise in 6 months its not for you after all. Its been a long time there, 14 years and a lot has changed over here and sometimes, its too much water under the bridge to be able to settle forever (says she who speaks from experience on that one).

 

Also if your hubby's company will pay relocation costs that will be money saved, but again, ensure he has a way to come back if you need it. He may find the job he has in the UK isn't one he enjoys for whatever reason and being stuck in it would be awful.

 

The other thing to remember is that while your kids may be for it and up for moving, they may well struggle to settle or adapt to UK life as they had hoped. If they find it hard going and end up not being happy being in the UK, how would you then feel and what would you be prepared to do to try to make it work for them or perhaps having to consider moving back to Aus for their happiness and so on in the long term. Another thing to think about....

 

Good luck with whatever you decide. I hope you are able to make it happen if its what you really want.

[Guest Sachertorte]

Agree with who said the north of Scotland has very little sunshine in the winter- I remember being bright from only 10:30 am till 2 pm at Christmas time.

 

I am sure all the lovely trips made during Christmas made you feel like "this is something you can't do back in Australia"

 

Well I know the feeling- that type of thing made me move to the UK after holidaying in Cambridge 3 years in a row, but 11 years after I moved there and I had done it all I really only wanted to move on...

 

Good luck and hope you see the light soon!

[Guest Minerbird]

Firstly, thankyou all so much for your replies. Many of them are so well thought-out with a lot of effort put in

 

 

Ladyarkles, I know exactly what it is that I miss. It's not friends or family (very small family - I'm an only child actually) and we didn't catch up with any friends on our trip (we were travelling with Aussie friends so didn't want to drag them around the houses). More than anything it is the 'connection with the land' - the history of the place, the architecture etc. that unfortunately Australia can just never have. It's also the landscape - the 'green & pleasant land' and the tweeting birds rather than the screeching parrots! (Don't get me wrong I do love the parrots too ). I have a deep interest in British History and in fact would have liked to read it at Uni if I thought I'd get a job at the end of it . So those are the things that I miss.

 

I was only 22 when I left England; there wasn't anything in particular which made me want to leave - I got a transfer with my job as I was up for a bit of adventure. I met my husband 5 weeks after I got here, so that was that! I was only on a 2-year visa then I was going to go back and do a Masters. Hubby was willing to follow me, but I changed my mind and decided to stay here. I'm originally from near Manchester but lived in London for 3 years at Uni. I love London!! I never wanted to leave London but I didn't have a job when I first graduated.

 

Both my husband and I are familiar with Aberdeen (I used to work there and hubby has been there for work also). So at least we both know what we would be getting and we know we like it there. The kids have been to Scotland a couple of times now and they like it too. But the kids are what worries me the most (fitting in at school etc., and of course, the concerns regarding the economy and job prospects for them).

 

Re: money. I hope this doesn't sound too boastful, but money wouldn't be an issue and the exchange rate is very favourable for anyone going to the UK at the moment and only continues to be more so! I really feel for anyone migrating this way at the moment with the strong Aussie dollar!

 

James, I really enjoyed reading your post.

Thankyou all for your varied thoughts and suggestions. Every bit helps

[Guest James]

Snifter, apologies like i said I thought I may have come on strong, but you make part of the point I was trying to, we English as a nation complain a lot and we tend to overdramatise what is wrong. Australia is in mho the opposite, she'llberight and therefore if you listen to the media Engalnd is a terrible place to live, but does that reality ring true for most people living in the suburbs or countryside, no. Australia has many problems but they are not discussed I genuinely think people are less political here., does not really mean it is much better, there is unemployment here, there is cirime and depravation in Elizabeth and Port Adelaide etc. the Australians just do not dwell on the negative as much.

 

Minerbird I am a fellow historian and a London boy to boot and to be honest I miss,as well as my family the connection with the land the people, the architecture. You can not get that here if it is not your civilization Australia iis a bit European but only perching on a very different land with a different culture. I realised that and know my soul is in the magnificent continent of Europe, for others that means nothing and they will thrive here. If that matters to you like me, you know your answer to your question already. Good luck

[Guest zidden]

However, I will also say that Aberdeen has serious unemployment...

 

Totally disagree with the comment on unemployment. Aberdeenshire and Aberdeen City are one of the most prosperous areas in the UK, primarily due to the oil industry and the services it requires.

[Guest James]

Snifter I should say befiore I left Engalnd I thought it had gone to the .... Having lived here I now know it has loads of good things and the press feed quite a lot of rubbish that we should take with some caution. Has Australia been interesting? Very Does it offer a better quality of life, for some maybe for me no. It is horses for courses, I know there area lot of unenplyed people in Engalnd but I think there is a lot of poverty here among working families. So really who knows which is better? It is all subjective and luck. TBH you might as well go where you are happy and hope the practical stuff its in with it! Things often flow more when you follow your gut

[wizzywozza]

I have to say I feel pretty much like the OP. I've just been back for the third time in almost 21 years and would return to live in Sussex tomorrow if I could. Having spent a considerable amount of my life in Sussex this was the first time I have ever appreciated what a beautiful place it is, and have realised how much I miss it, especially the easy access to open, public countryside and all things historical. I saw very little signs of recession there, and all of my family and friends I caught up with are doing extremely well financially. Hypothetically if we went back, my hubby would be on a fantastic income, and even at my age I don't believe I would have trouble finding employment - was even offered a job on my visit.

 

But .......... I have grown up children, and grandchildren in Adelaide. We are not in a monetary position to make any move - even down the street! And my hubby loves it here. So I'm making the most of it ...... we're staying put!

 

I think in your circumstances I'd give it a go ............. you really don't have much to lose, and at the end of the day you can come back.

 

 

 

To LadyArkles .... had to laugh at the boyfriend analogy ........... split up with mine in 1977 after 2 1/4 years ..... finally married him in 2007 after 30 years apart ...... and we are so very happy together now. We hadn't see each other for 27 years when we met up with each other again, and all those reasons we split up over were resolved and in the deep, dark and very distant past! Just had our 5th wedding anniversary and he's still as gorgeous and sexy as ever!!

 

Sharon

[Guest ladyarkles]

To LadyArkles .... had to laugh at the boyfriend analogy ........... split up with mine in 1977 after 2 1/4 years ..... finally married him in 2007 after 30 years apart ...... and we are so very happy together now. We hadn't see each other for 27 years when we met up with each other again, and all those reasons we split up over were resolved and in the deep, dark and very distant past! Just had our 5th wedding anniversary and he's still as gorgeous and sexy as ever!!

 

Sharon

 

LOL Me too! I'm just remarrying mine after 17 years apart.

In some cases you can go back, but generally anytime I have met an Ex my initial thought has been "he's a bit of alright".

Then you remember the bad bits......

 

More than anything it is the 'connection with the land' - the history of the place, the architecture etc. that unfortunately Australia can just never have. It's also the landscape - the 'green & pleasant land' and the tweeting birds rather than the screeching parrots! (Don't get me wrong I do love the parrots too ). I have a deep interest in British History and in fact would have liked to read it at Uni if I thought I'd get a job at the end of it . So those are the things that I miss.

 

I agree, something resonates in me when I see the familiar landscapes. I guess it is in our very marrow, we are made of the earth that we lived on for all those years. Also, like you, I am fascinated by British history and wished I had done more about that love when I had the chance.

 

However, I am also finding that I am excited by having a whole new nation's history to learn about; the first colonists, the explorers, the indigenous peoples and so on.

That's keeping me pretty busy at the moment; I have become a bit of a Charles Sturt groupie and am already planning a trip to Burke and Wills' "Dig Tree"!

 

I don't envy you and the way you feel at the moment. I truly hope that you get the chance to "paint your wagon" and do what makes your heart sing.

 

Life is not a rehearsal, so make sure you give it all you have got!

 

~ Rachel

[Guest Minerbird]

 

But .......... I have grown up children, and grandchildren in Adelaide. We are not in a monetary position to make any move - even down the street! And my hubby loves it here. So I'm making the most of it ...... we're staying put!

 

 

Sharon,

 

I have to admit to, rather selfishly, being worried about leaving the move until the kids are grown up. They would most likely not want to move and any grandchildren would be here! But then our original plan was always to spend 6 months here and 6 months there when we're 'retired'.

 

I completely forgot to say in my original post that my hubby has offered trips to the UK every 18 - 24 months if we don't end up relocating. That means I have to think about what kind of work I'm going to apply for when I graduate as a RN so that I can have holidays when I please!

[ian mc]

I have been here 14 1/2 years also and would go back to the UK to live but have older kids and grandkid that hold us back.I was back in October and was expecting it to be all dome and gloom but all my friends relatives were all in work and all doing well all have nice houses and all seam to be able to go great holiday at least twice a year.I have seen more people unemployed here inthe last six month in the building trade than I did in the UK it does not show up here as a lot of people are self employed and can not claim any benifits when out of work.

[Guest Guest5035]

my wife would go back on the next plane, so would i if i could take my wage and the yellow thing in the sky.

 

stevo