How Do You Know if You've Done the Right Thing?

[Guest Welshy]

We have lived in Adelaide now for 18 months and still have times when life is great and times when life seems low. Recently it is a low time - hubbie is working ridiculous hours at work and rarely gets home in time to share dinner with us... however we should thank our lucky stars that he is in a well paid job.

 

My major concern at the moment is my 8 year old daughter who wrote in her notebook last night that 2 girls in her class at school hate her and she doesnt know what to do as she feels lonely and the world is full of meanies. I was devastated and have tears in my eyes as I write this. I spoke to the prinical today who is speaking with the girls and says bullying is not tolerated at the school. What will happen I dont know, I just know that my little girl looks to me to solve her problems at school - which already is a turbulent place for her due to the high number of kids with social and learning issues, which results in lots of tempers and behaviour issues in her class.

 

Do I move her to another new school? Would life be any different at a different school? Would life have been better staying in the UK? Does anyone else have times like me?

 

[Lazy Cow]

I can't answer most of your questions, but I do know how you feel regarding your little girl; being a parent is very hard at times (IMHO) . I know I feel that I should always be able to 'make things right' but it isn't always that easy..particularly as they get older.

 

Two kids being mean is enough to make life utterly miserable, but if just two are being mean that probably means that the rest are still her friend? I doubt whether anyone, regardless of age, is lucky enough to be loved/liked by everyone at all times. I have watched my son and his friends fall out, be really mean to one another, play the 'you obviously aren't my friend if you are their friend' card, then before you know it they're all friends again!

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is; keep it in perspective, give your daughter a big cuddle and just have a chat about it. If it's bullying, then you can deal with it; if it's kids being rotten, perhaps you can give her support and some strategies so that she is able to deal with it herself as a first off. I hope it proves to be that simple, my son was bullied by some much older kids a couple of years ago and I know how painful it can be. I still worry about him now! (I also worry about my daughter, but for no good reason!)

 

It sounds like you could do with a hug too, so

:wubclub:LC

[Guest mOZzy]

sorry to hear about your problems!!

one the bigger things we wanted from this move is our kids to be happy!!

 

maybe worth having a look around at other schools; not saying to move her straight away - just to keep the options open!!

and maybe a sleepover with some girls of her current class - that might boost the confidence and gives them a 'better bond'

or send her to a karate class and teach her one or two moves

 

chin up and have another hug!!

[Guest caoimhe]

I don't have much to add to the other posts but I really feel for you .

You daughter could have been bullied at a UK schoold and it would have been bad but it seems much worse as it is happening in a country far from home.

Is there anyone in Australia that are on PIA that have kids you daughter's age that you could both meet up with, it sounds as if you are a bit lonely too and that is very hard to cope with

Maybe you should look into other schools as well and keep your options open

Good luck to you all

[Guest Libby1971]

Oh hun (((((((((((((((((((((((((Welshy)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

 

What a horrible time for you.

 

I have been through this on both sides of the water. It doesn't make it any easier wherever you are, your heart still breaks for the babe in your arms whose little world is rocking.

 

See what the school say to you and don't let it lie. Keep an eye on her and if you aren't happy then move her. See what your daughter says but as LC says, if it is 2 girls that she mentions maybe she enough other friends to keep her company.

 

I have pm'ed you my number in case you want to ever weep into coffee!

 

Libby

[Guest Guzzler&Sas]

hi there

can only echo others words really - but thinking of you and hope things work out.

sas

xx

[Guest The Pottertons]

So sorry you are having a hard time, but hard times always pass and then you are able to see the good in what you have chosen to do. The better life you wanted for your family is still there but just clouded for a while. I'm sure at some point your little girl would have had the same issues in a british school and the working hours here are horrendous too. I can only imagine how hard things are at the moment but you were strong enough to move out there and get past the first year. So im pretty sure you'll ride through this too and in a few weeks will have forgotten just how terrible you feel. I 'm betting that all of us will need to post our doubts at some stage and your daughter has a great mum who cares so much she'll ask for advice and help to give her the best support she can. Big hugs to you and take care, Yvonne xx

[Guest happy-jools]

So difficult this one. I understand what people say about it could happen in England etc etc. My little girl who turns 8 next month has a great network of friends in the Uk and loves school . This is the part that really terrifies me to be honest.

 

Wish you all well, and hope it works out for you all.

[likesshopping]

Hi Welshy

Sorry to hear your news about your daughter. I had a same experience with my then 8year old daughter back in the UK. I too spoke with the headmistress as bullying was not tolerated - however the girls that were bullying my daughter had completely knocked her self esteem - my daughter lost weight and really wasnt herself. I didnt wait around for the school to kick in their 'no nonsence to bullying' and moved her to another school - It was a difficult decision, as she'd been at the school since nursery.

It worked out well and my daughter made new friends and her self esteem came slowly back........she still doubts herself now and again - but shes such alot better (shes 10 now)

 

Its horrible having to make those decision - whether to move them or not - but the way I look at things is - kids adapt........

 

As a child I moved to many different schools (parents moved around alot) and from that, I learnt that you always make new friends - things always move on and usually get better.

 

We've been in OZ now for 7months - and we moved our daughters out of the first school they went to after 3months - and they have been fine.

 

When its something to do with your kids - you have to go with your instinct and heart.

 

Hope you find a solution and it sorts it self out.

 

sarahx

[Guest zx6roo]

*big hugs* welshy

 

My sisters kids had the same problem when they arrived and within a couple months they moved school and were heaps better. Maybe look around see what else is about and ask her if she wants to move.

 

The school my daughter goes to has a buddy sytem to help new kids settle, they tend to be one in the class they go in and one 2 or 3 yrs higher to help with bigger issues. When my dad passed away last year we used this system to help her with the grieving & school mix.

 

It's hard and you have to ride thru the waves but you'll get there. Is her school work suffering? That's when you'll know you need to change schools. My daughter is 9 and she has the same issues but was born here. Currently one girl has had her ears peirced and tells everyone else that they are lowlifes if they haven't done it. They were best friends 3 weeks ago... today they hate each other.

 

With my sisters kids, they have been here.... 6yrs now and you would never know they were English. It was a bumpy few years at the start but they have setted in and love it. My neice represents the State for football and my nephew is a teenager, but I love him all the same, LOL.

[Guest louiesmum]

Hi

Really sad/sorry to hear that your little girl is having not such a good time at school at the moment,you've done the 1st step letting the school know whats going on & then talking to your daughter about it. I really hope it improves for her if it doesnt then you may have to start looking at other schools. Is this the 1st school she been to since being in Adelaide? I really feel for you as we all want our children to be happy/content. I hope the situation is resolved really soon.

[Guest Welshy]

Hi everyone

 

Thank you SOOOOO much for your kind words of support - it has meant a lot to me over the past few days. Life is not quite so grey as it was on Tuesday and the school have taken things seriously and recognised that there was some bullying going on. My daughter was happy with the was it has been dealt with and only time will tell if things have really been squashed.

 

Am still looking for any good schools around the area so if anyone knows of a great school...!! Will keep our options open and once again, thanks for the advice and support. What a great site this is!

[Guest Nick11]

Hi everyone

 

Thank you SOOOOO much for your kind words of support - it has meant a lot to me over the past few days. Life is not quite so grey as it was on Tuesday and the school have taken things seriously and recognised that there was some bullying going on. My daughter was happy with the was it has been dealt with and only time will tell if things have really been squashed.

 

Am still looking for any good schools around the area so if anyone knows of a great school...!! Will keep our options open and once again, thanks for the advice and support. What a great site this is!

 

As we live in Woodcroft too I'd be interested to know what school she attends. If you don't wish to broadcast it on the web could pm me.

Both my kids attend a local school and I have a few issues of my own! Maybe we could swap notes.

Nick

[Guest Shaggy]

So sorry to hear of your troubles Welshy.

 

Was wondering what school your daughter goes to? I live in Woodcroft and have a daughter who is also 8. She goes to Emmaus Catholic School just next to Woodcroft School. She did originally start at Woodcroft but we moved her after a term. It was not a necessarily because we weren't happy with the school but more the size. It was hard for her at first to move to yet another school but we told her she just had to trust us and it has worked out for the best in the end. I do still have issues with her school though but that's another story!

 

Hope all is sorting itself out. It is hard when your kids are unhappy because it means that you are automatically unhappy.

 

Keep your chin up.

 

Emma (long suffering wife of Shaggy!)

[Guest Leanne & Mark]

Hi guys, This is a worry for every one really isnt it, but i have to say i would be looking else where too especially if it happens again. Girls are even worse in pairs or groups and in my exp they will realize what they did effected her, and draw on that weekness later on.

 

i was sent to an girls grammar i never really slotted in and i shud have moved schools in the first yr, but at the time they were being nice to me (mainly 2 girls) the following yr they started again, teachers said hold on and see what happens, so i stayed. but it never stopped i was the victim of the jokes and nastiness for years. i wore my hair wrong, looked at them wrong i had the same trainers and that wasnt allowed!!

It does effect you hugely, i come across as strong, arrogant and in control, i stick my chin in the air, and often seem cold and aloof!! but i hate going places on my own, it makes me very lonely, and the shutters come up. I find meeting people hard and often think people are laughing at me! Sad i know.

Mark is my rock, and i rely on him alot.. maybe too much.

Moving to another country is gonna be hard, but no-one knows me so cant possibly be laughing at me !!! right??? i will have to make friends, and im determined not to hide away waiting for mark to get home

 

My worry is also with my kids, my young ones are fine, but Blake had to leave the private school he had been at since he was 3 last yr (ethan too but he is mr popular and so confident) not only did he leave his friends but the work was so different as well. He has become friends with a twin, ..so if they fall out the other twin and his best friend are there in an instant!!! not good. Also he is like me he is so soft inside he trys too hard to impress so comes across a show off!! God i worry for him!

 

Unless your daughter has formed strong friendships with others at school, i would look at moving her, if these girls have found a weakness in her sadly i dont think they will forget it.

[Ranger]

Our kids went to Brighton Primary (down near the coast), it was excellent we were on firsst name terms with the Principal and there was a good community spirit there, so it can vary from school to school.

[Guest Mark 03]

Hi Weshy

I have tears in my eyes reading your post. My daughter is nine and last year had a very difficult time at school. everytime i picked her up she would tell me about her terrible day at school. There was a queen bee and a couple of sidekicks who made life difficult for her as well as others. We talked to the teacher who was stuggling anyway, and nothing changed. This year she tells me school is great everyday. Perhaps it was the teacher or us not being forceful enough, remember Aussies dont have the same politeness restraints as Brits. Please listen to your child to really find whats going on eg does she feel outsider? Organise friends and classmates to come over to play. Aussies are confused about British reticence and see is at aloofness/ superiority. Likewise, diving in is not seen as intrusion but normal and doesnt necessarily mean friendship etc Being down here is difficult to share in such an upbeat and positive society ( maybe explains the epidemic in mental health issues) Hope this helps a little. Contact me at neweden@bigpond.com.au if you want to talk further. Mark