4 years in, wobbling now!

[Scousemouse]

Hi folks, not been on here for ages, and feel a bit anxious about things!

 

After 4 years, i am now beginng to wonder if i should go for citizenship or not......

Thing is, i seem to spend my life working, shopping, cleaning up.......all a bit dull really. I feel my life is more work oriented than ever before.

As i get older, i find myself less able to "mix", something i wasnt really afraid of before. I know the meet-ups happen, usually when i am working!!, yet i never seem to pluck up the courage, or energy to go to them.

The kids are planning to attend Uni back in the UK, an expensive turn of events!! 1 will go next year, the other in 2 years; so there goes my excuse for staying here. Uni fees here would be just as expensive, as without citizenship, no hecs-help!! Gotta keep those options open!

 

I actually like Adelaide, and although the OH hasnt got a job at the mo, he does love it here and doesnt want to go back.

We have a reasonable home in a nice area, but i only know 2 neighbours to speak to..........i get more conversation at the IGA!!

I find myself worrying a lot, to leave would have me feeling like i failed; to stay might have me committed to a looney bin.

 

I have only once felt homesick, about 6 months in, and since then.....nada! Till now, that is.

Like a lot of expats, the change over to Aussie life has been a rollercoaster ride, and im not suggesting for 1 minute anyone found it a breeze.

Just now the decision can wait, but honestly, does anyone else have the collywobbles about the pros and cons of the next step??

 

Anyway, thanks for listening............

Jane

[Guest Guest75]

Bloody hell Jane, you should have spoken earlier!!!

Wondered where you were.

DO

get your citizenship, you only have one chance but a lifetime of regret if not?

 

It's not that easy to make friends here, especially if you have older kids / sprogs left home.

 

Why not go to the next meet at West Beach Sailing Club - no one will bite, all will understand. We might be there but if not the people who attended this last Saturday were lovely.

 

 

Yep, we have had plenty of "Wobbles" the good times make up then though!!!!

Not having family here ( 1 grown up daughter only) means we don't enjoy Xmas that much here - looks like we are going away next Chrimbo!!

[foxychick]

I have met you Jane, not long after you arrived I reckon, on a night out at the vic.

you did seem to have settled really well. Lots have wobbles, especially in our household!

 

I agree with Tyke, definately get your citizenship, opens up all your future options

 

not really got any advice as I don't even have the answers for myself! if you fancy a catch up - message me, come round for a coffee.

[Rachiegarlo]

Also have you looked into how much uni fees will be going to cost you back in the UK as a non resident. May have changed but my youngest had a hankering and although uk citizens we are not habitual residents and this takes 2 - 3 yrs to get this status for education purposes. We would have been charged International fees ... a lot more expensive than here. Anyway we got my daughters citizenship through in time here for the pay up cut off date at Uni here. Go for citizenship, means you always have choice without the palaver and your kids if they went to un here can apply for an exchange for a semester or two which means they can experience uni elsewhere but not get slammed for International student fees.

[Diane]

Also have you looked into how much uni fees will be going to cost you back in the UK as a non resident. May have changed but my youngest had a hankering and although uk citizens we are not habitual residents and this takes 2 - 3 yrs to get this status for education purposes. We would have been charged International fees ... a lot more expensive than here. Anyway we got my daughters citizenship through in time here for the pay up cut off date at Uni here. Go for citizenship, means you always have choice without the palaver and your kids if they went to un here can apply for an exchange for a semester or two which means they can experience uni elsewhere but not get slammed for International student fees.

 

On the subject of Universities here and in UK, it seems like the fees for citizens here are around the $5-7k a year level and in the UK for an international student (i.e if you haven't lived there for the three years prior to starting) are between STG10k and STG 25k a year - am I interpreting their websites correctly?

 

Oh, and should have added (((( for you Jane)))) - if you want to go out for a drink/coffee/fringe show sometime let me know

Edited January 22, 2013 by Diane

[Guest moonraker1959]

Hi Jane,I'm with others in suggesting you stay to get your citizenship.It might save alot of heartache later,you just never know right?I would sit down and re discuss with your kids their options re uni in the UK,mainly the money side,as Diane has mentioned.I think if I were you,I would try and socialise abit more before contemplating a move back.In other words,explore all options.Its natural though I think to want to be where your kids are.You're only human hon!If you do decide to return to the UK,then atleast you have given Oz a good try,and thats something to be proud of.Good luck xxx

[DAVID.CHRISTINE]

Hi Jane sorry to hear your having a wobble have you been back to the uk lately ,went back at Xmas and it was'nt what we remembered it was a bit grim .And that from me is hard to say .Uni fees over here are nearly half the price than the uk . Don't return without citizenship keep your options open .we all get stuck in a rut but you've got it off your chest hope you feel better now good luck Christine

[snifter]

I'd get citizenship. If nothing else, get it so you absolutely have options for your future. I've read of so many people who don't get it and then want to return only to not be able to get a RRV and the door to Aus is then closed for them.

 

With regard to how you are feeling, it sounds to me more that you are working a lot and don't really have time to enjoy yourself as you would like perhaps? You say 'pluck up the courage' so if you are a bit shy about putting yourself out there you are potentially missing out on making friends and having more of a social life. Which in turn then can have a negative effect on how you feel about other areas. Can you not get along to a meet up or catch up with people you know from here at any time?

 

If you then become unhappy with those things in life if can cause wobbles and wondering 'What if' and all that about other areas.

 

To me it sounds like you are in a rut and perhaps needing to have a bit more fun and have some time for yourself. Is there a way you can find a better work life balance? You say you like Adelaide and are happy but are now wondering. The thing is, you could be in the UK and having those same thoughts if you were stuck in a rut and working more and more and less social life or friendship and you time.

 

Emigrating still means working, paying the bills and all that. And can get tedious and boring. Same as living in the UK. I know, I've been there, got the tee shirt a couple of times at least now

 

I think the citizenship question has probably made you have to think about everything but don't view it as meaning you have to live the rest of your life in Aus or anything like that. You can return to the UK if you want to. And back to Aus again even so long as you have that citizenship. Don't put pressure on yourself about it, try to view it as the next step but one that doesn't mean your future is set in stone. You have options open to you, make the most of them. Look on citizenship as maximising your options, not a door slamming in your face (with regard to the UK).

 

With regard to your kids attending uni in the UK. For sure the international fees are whopping for many. Have your kids applied for places and been accepted yet? Well, the one going next year? It might be sensible to apply to Aus uni's also to keep their options open if the place they are after in the UK doesn't happen or costs the price of a small countries debt.

 

Have you been back to the UK recently? What aspects of life are you missing from it? Family? Friends? Social life? Work? Being back for a holiday can be great but it can also paint a false picture of what life would be like. People often make the extra effort if you are only back a few weeks and once back permanently often drop off the radar and are busy with their lives. Sure some it can be lovely to hook up with and things don't seem to have changed but for others, they have moved on in their lives and are busy and focused elsewhere.

 

If you are genuinely unhappy and homesick, perhaps you need to have a chat with your hubby. In the meantime perhaps try to get out a bit, have a bit of fun and a break from working so much and letting it take over. Some of the meet ups are a regular thing and even if you can't make one, hopefully you can get the day off to attend the next. And from there hopefully make plans for other things.

[Guest smit]

It sucks your OH is out of work, doesnt help.

Definately get citizenship, it opens up uni ...if needed.

 

You say you spend your time cleaning shopping....cant your hubby do that whilst no work. Im not saying that as a stirrer, ive had my fair share ups/downs in job market!...always do my bit....everything joint effort

 

Not easy on one wage , but try get out more

 

And as little hope for your oh......I got laid off Nov 11 after being here 51/2 yrs....back to square one.....done crap for 6 months...have now got job as trainee surveyor , for the first time ever....im enjoying my job!!!! been in for 6 months and still enjoy goin work. there is hope things will change round, just stick in there

 

I think what im trying to say is, you need to work together to get out of your big move what you both want!!

Edited January 22, 2013 by smit

[Lazy Cow]

Thing is, i seem to spend my life working, shopping, cleaning up.......all a bit dull really

 

As i get older, i find myself less able to "mix", something i wasnt really afraid of before.

 

I actually like Adelaide, and the OH does love it here and doesnt want to go back.

 

We have a reasonable home in a nice area, but i only know 2 neighbours to speak to

 

Sounds like life to me, whichever country you end up.

 

For me, once the initial wonder of being here settled into just being home, life went back to not making the same effort to go out. Instead, it just became life; we work then collapse at the end of the day! We do catch up with friends regularly, take the dogs down the beach etc but it takes the same effort as it did when we were back in the UK lol. As for only knowing a couple of neighbours, why worry? Some people know their whole street, others a couple of people, some know nobody. It isn't like 'back in the day' when people automatically knew everyone. With cars, fences and irregular hours, it is quite possible you will never meet your neighbour and really, who cares?

 

Since you both like/love Adelaide, why not take citizenship? You don't lose anything by becoming a citizen; it's a definite win as well as being a wonderful privilege. I'm not sure, but if you take citizenship before your kids reach 18yrs, doesn't that mean they will get it too? Without any effort on their part? Then, even if they return to the UK, they will have the opportunity to come back any time in the future. Maybe even after many years, when they have a family of their own.

 

The 'older you get - harder it is to mix' thing I totally get. When we first came over I was game for (practically lol) anything but as time has gone on, I have to make more of an effort. If I hadn't suggested last Saturday's meet up and therefore felt obliged to rock up, I doubt whether I would have been ballsy enough to go. I would probably have made some excuse to myself and just not bothered - but I'm glad I did! Maybe if there's a meet up you fancy going to, you could contact Diane or Tyke or Foxychick or even me (!) and arrange to meet them a bit in advance so you can relax and get in the mood before anyone else arrives?

 

I don't really have any answers but I wish you well.

 

LC

[Scousemouse]

Thank you all for your replies, so good to know that others have the wobbles, and that im not the only one!

The OH has done so much around the house, reno'd 2 bathrooms, redecorated, rendered the ugly yellow brick, he does do a huge amount to keep things going; He gets casual work as a labourer, and has taken a book-keeping course which resulted in some work....we are a team couple, and as luck would have it; for the 19 years we have been together, HE has done ALL the ironing,( well i may have done it twice in that time lol!) Would not consider anyone a "stirrer" for making the suggestion, and its reassuring to know other guys are willing to take on the day to day chores!!

Getting "out there" is a bit easier said than done.........it isnt that we havent tried, its just some of the folks we have met are a bit "up themselves"......golfers eh??? Sort of puts one off.

Honestly i have met some fantastic people here, and PIA members too, and they are so kind.......even if they're not scousers, haha. I am lucky to count them as friends!

 

The option to gain citizenship is likely to happen sooner than later; we have to keep an open mind for the kids, and the uni fees are a BIG part of those options!!

Yes, I have been back to the UK, in may 2012......it was grim. The shining light was seeing my grandsons and meeting my sons partner. Seeing old friends and family was lovely.........but getting back on that plane was a relief; so Adelaide IS my HOME now......thankfully. sometimes though, I miss the people i grew up with, both workwise, socially and familiarly, some days more than others.

 

Those of you who have offered to meet for coffee etc, give me a few days to pm you, arrange something......just gotta get out of the doldrums first, cos normally, i am a happy person!!!

 

Thanks all for your support!!

 

Jane

[rachel31]

Hi Jane,

 

I have seen a number of your posts on here and it is actually reasurrring to see other having a wobble! I havn't as yet although the kids have been back a few times and seen the uk with rose tinted glasses. I must admit the first year we were here i was prepared to move anywhere as long as they employed me, even back to the uk - I gave up a life I loved in the uk and as time went on I began to resent OH for work colleagues and even kids having school friends, I'm usually quite sociable but not knowing anyone was really hard.Saying that I have found a position which is ongoing that i really enjoy.

 

We are a long way from Adelaide - 219 k's but during the time we have been here things have settled and I really do feel like I'm home.

 

It hasn't been easy, when we came the kids were all old enough to make friends at school but too old for me to need to meet the parents at the school gate - also as someone pointed out the""ozzies"have friendship groups and they are settled"". This I think is very true also.

 

In our 3.5 years here ( I can't believe it has been this long!) friendships have been made and lasted and also made and not been succesful - I have made some lovely friends here however I would be more then happy to have some "city friends "" too - Port Pirie is a bit of a treck I know!

 

Our oldest son has his heart set on joining the army here so we will all be sitting he citizenship test this year and i hope celebrating here on Australia day 2014 here in Port Pirie.

Feel free to PM me , I come to adelaide fairly regularly with and without children if you fancy a catch up - i can probably find my way to rundle mall and harbour town!!.

[Guest magicsprout]

do it, you lose nothing and gain a dual citizenship to keep your options open. If you are homesick go back for a holiday check out the economy and work availablity. i know if i went back i certainly wouldnt get a nursing job at anywhere the same pay or conditions as a friend recently went back regretted it and now cant return

[barbaitch]

Hi folks, not been on here for ages, and feel a bit anxious about things!

 

After 4 years, i am now beginng to wonder if i should go for citizenship or not......

I actually like Adelaide, and although the OH hasnt got a job at the mo, he does love it here and doesnt want to go back.

 

Like a lot of expats, the change over to Aussie life has been a rollercoaster ride, and im not suggesting for 1 minute anyone found it a breeze.

 

 

Jane

 

 

 

Hi Jane:

 

Sorry you're in a pickle over the Citizenship thing, but if you do decide to return to the UK I do urge you to go for it before you make such a big move.

 

I speak from experience when I say you just might regret it if you don't, because it might not be all that easy to get back to Oz a few years further up the track without it.

 

So many people have gone back without their Citizenship and kicked themselves later!

 

It won't hurt.

 

I wish you well for the future - whatever you decide. It's not easy for you, I know, but please think hard before you book those flights.....

 

God bless.x

[barbaitch]

Oh, (((( for you Jane)))) - if you want to go out for a drink/coffee/fringe show sometime let me know

 

 

Hi Diane:

 

Hope you don't mind, but I'm leaving England next Wednesday for Adelaide (for at least the next three years: we're going back for our Citizenship; something we should have done over 20 years ago when we last lived there!!) - and would love to join you for a coffee/fringe event with Jane (and anyone else) some time in Feb. I'm definitely looking forward to Writers' Week; something I used to love every two years.

 

All good wishes for 2013!

[Scousemouse]

Barbaitch,

Thank You.

I booked the tickets yesterday, so I owe Diane a huge Thanks!!

Get yourself to the Maid, my dear, and we can all have a great time.

Good luck with the move!!

 

Jane