What am I gonna do? :(

[Lily Rainbow]

I came home from work crying today!Middle of last year I managed to change jobs (I work for the NHS).I had two colleaques who were bullies (not just to me either).They made everyone lives a misery,apart from both being manic depressives,just really quite awful people tbh!The place of work I left has now been closed....and guess where they are coming???:sad:Yes my new place of work,and I will have no choice but to work with both of them.One of them I will be above,the other under in grade.Today brought back all the horrid memories of those two,and when I was driving home the stress became too much and I started crying.I know you might say "Ignore them!and Yes I suppose to a degree I could,but I just don't want them anywhere near me.They caused so much strife in my old place of work,I was so glad to get away from them both,looks like now thats backfired on me!What am I going to do?How can I work with these two without feeling resentful myself and stressed?(At the time I did report their bullying but nothing was done about it!!)

[Guest guest8040]

See what happens and if they start their old tricks make a formal grievance, your employers will have to follow the grievance procedure. And remember in some ways you have the upper hand slightly in that they are the newbies coming onto your territory now, so to speak. If you have good relationships with your new colleagues I would very diplomatically express your concerns do they are aware. Good luck, nothing worse than stress at work and awful atmospheres

[Guest Xhako]

Tell your line manager about the previous issues, keep a diary of EVERY SINGLE incident as it happens, join a union, keep your distance, do not trust them with any sensitive information not directly related to your job, do not pass the time of day with them and never give a personal opinion, remember that you cannot trust them, bullies store up an arsenal of comments they can use against you. They are the worst type of cowards.

Whatever their reason for being horrible is not your fault and not your business, look after youself first.

Now, keep your chin up and treat yourself to something nice x

[Lily Rainbow]

Thankyou twh!You are right,they are coming onto my territory!My team mean alot to me,and we all get on very well together.The last thing I/we want is for those two upsetting me/everyone else.Bit worried about the one thats below me.She never listened to anyone in authority and aggressively challenged them to the point the other person backed off and she got her own way!Really dreading it tbh!

[Lily Rainbow]

Thankyou Xhako!Some good points there which I will definately use.xx

[Guest guest8040]

You just have to be strong and stand up to bullies. Remain measured and calm if she challenges you and if she won't listen tell your superior she is refusing to do what is essentially her job and the duties it entails. Bullies usually back off if they see you are not as weak as they perceive (hence the reason they pick their victims to start with)

[Lily Rainbow]

I think the reason she picked on me was because she is a manic depressive and could'nt handle the fact I am happy go lucky.

[Guest Guest75]

How awful!!

 

I'd certainly be "digging in" and ensuring your position.

I'd even have a word with Human Resources and "get in first" - by informing them of your history with these horrors.

 

Be proactive!

[DougM]

Get in before they do. March up to them with head held high, shoulders back. Stare them in the eye and let them know that you won't stand for it this time round. If necessary let them know that you have informed your superiors about their precious practice but be aware this might antagonize them even more.

Warn all your other work mates and band together to stamp out bullying. There's no place for it in this day and age.

[adelaidenow]

The most important thing to do is not tell anyone else of the previous issues. They may have changed, you said one is a depressive etc. Their treatment may have helped them.

 

If you say something about a previous life you are not giving them a fair go.

 

Would you like people talking about you before you started somewhere?

[Lily Rainbow]

Well tomorrow is D Day!The first of the bullies starts and I have to do her induction!:biglaugh:On one hand now I feel ok,knowing I'm her boss!On the other hand she really p****** me off big time.My now manager has told me last week not to worry.Any crap from her and he'll be dealing with her!Thanks for a support and advice peeps,really appreciate it xx

[Guest Wellse]

What a nightmare for you, I agree with Tyke let HR know about your history they maybe able to help, if not at least they know the situation and you can go to them if you have any problems! It sounds like you are liked and respected where you are now, I am sure they will support you. If they start there old tricks stand firm, be confident in your self and your worth, if you can tell them you are unhappy with there behaviour, and that you will be reporting it. Document every thing, if you have witnesses to the bullying all the better. But hopefully they may have changed and it will be ok. I feel for you nothing worse than worrying about something before it happens! always seems worse too! good luck, i hope all is ok for you!!! Bullies tend to bully because they are jealous of you, and not very confident in themselves i think! makes them feel better making someone feel bad!

[Guest Claire-n-tel]

how was it today Lily Rainbow?

[Lily Rainbow]

Well.....The lady who is a grade lower showed up Monday morning!I did her induction which,I admit,felt alittle surreal!lol(I made sure I "power"dressed on Monday too just to start on the upper foot!lol)She was however abit sarcastic in her comments back to me!My manager unfortunately was'nt there on Monday but we had a discussion and he told me again he was taking no crap from her!(his words lol).So I introduced this lady to her new colleaque(and no I did'nt pre warn her either)and today the colleaque told my manager she does'nt like her!!!No surprise there!This lady got away with murder at the other place,but I feel now my manager will totally support me if she becomes bullyish.Yes its true the actual feeling was worse than the reality,and thats helpful for the future to remember that!Thanks again all for listening,the support and advice.You're all stars!

[Lily Rainbow]

Well after today,I think I might change jobs,yet again!The lady who is a grade lower,started last Monday,had 3 days off (legit not sick)and returned today.I got asked to leave the office whilst my manager had a "chat"with her.I was not told what this chat was about afterwards.Before I left work today,my manager informed he thinks said lady will be an asset to our workplace,and that she had some good idea's.I cannot believe the turnaround in him.He managed the place I left so knew this lady well,and had complaints from other staff re her behaviour.Looks like the support I was looking for has now gone out the window.Felt really stressed driving home from work.

Its starting all over again for me.Said lady passed me in the corridor with a smug look on her face.I think I've had enough already.

[Guest Claire-n-tel]

hi Lily Rainbow

i think you really should not get stressed about it, easier said than done i know, you said earlier you work for the NHS? there are nationwide guidelines about bullying in the NHS, the fact that you have already made you manager aware of the problem is the first step (why did he employ them in the new place if he was aware they were bullying in the last place?!)

 

I think you now should definatly talk to your union rep (you are in a union right?) and arrange an official meeting with HR taking the rep along with you. before you go write down about what happened before and what you did about it, did you happen to keep a diary about it at the time? tell them about leaving because of it and getting a new job.

 

Also start a diary from the last few weeks from finding out they were coming to your new place of work, your discussions with your manager and (importantly) his response to you.

You don't have to tell anyone you are meeting with a union rep or HR but it is important that you do both, should things esculate this is you evidence of happenings and also your support.

 

There will be a bullying and harassment policy in place in your work place (its the law) so either get a copy if you know where it is or ask HR for one, there will be guidelines regarding how you particular work place deals with this.

 

I think once you start this ball rolling and feel like you have people on your side it will feel a bit better. You really should not have to, or feel like you have to, change jobs again.

 

Whatever the reason that this woman is behaving this way, if it is due to her depression or not, it is not on, she needs to know that it is not on and if she is managing to get people to leave where ever she works then she will go on thinking that her way of behaving is ok and it is NOT.

 

Definatly get in touch with a union rep on monday, if not today, make an appointment with HR, keep doing your job well and try not to allow yourself to be draw into the bullying persona. Remember you maybe feeling more sensitive to what is happening due to your previous experience with her, but you are feeling it so get the ball rolling.

 

Please try to keep smiling and dont let it take the enjoyment out of your job.

keep in touch, there are lots of people on here willing to lend an ear!

Claire

Edited February 22, 2013 by Claire-n-tel
spelling!

[adelaidenow]

Can I say, playing this out on a public forum with people you don't know, is in fact very unprofessional. You never know who is reading this, if I had staff talking about others in this way I would be talking to them.

[Juliahemingway]

How is this unprofessional? We have not been told any names, we don't even know the OP's real name And We don't know where they work or what line of the nhs they are in. The OP is simply outlining a personal issue she is experiencing and asking for impartial advice. If this were in the team coffee room shouting out to anyone who will listen then I might take a different stance, but as it is I honestly don't think this is an unprofessional conduct on her part at all.

[Guest PaulandVicky]

Claire n tel has made some valid points. Try and keep your head on your shoulders. Write down everything. Do all your ground work. If you still can't hack it after a while, just leave. (Make sure your manager and everyone knows what these people are like before your gone) Why put yourself through long term stress, it affects you as a person, at work, at home etc. it's not worth it.

[adelaidenow]

If that's what you think fine, but you have no idea who is reading this. It IS unprofessional to talk in public about others, would you do it on a bus......

[Guest Claire-n-tel]

If that's what you think fine, but you have no idea who is reading this. It IS unprofessional to talk in public about others, would you do it on a bus......

 

Yes i would have this conversation on a bus, as julie pointed out nothing identifying has been said, and my advice would be exactly the same.

[Lazy Cow]

If that's what you think fine, but you have no idea who is reading this. It IS unprofessional to talk in public about others, would you do it on a bus......

 

I get your point but, like other posters, I do not agree that Lily R has done anything wrong by asking for support and advice from a forum she regularly contributes to.

 

However if you really believe what you posted, why didn't you pm Lily rather than criticise her thread in such a public way?

 

LC

Edited February 23, 2013 by Lazy Cow
Comma!

[Lily Rainbow]

Thankyou for the support and advice once again.Yes I have read the bullying/harrassment policy via the NHS website (Ourspace).The place of work these people came to got closed down a while ago.Initially they were not going to come to where I work,but changed their minds at the last minute.I am on 2 weeks annual leave as from today.I am going to do some deep thinking about my future,and make a decision by the end of the 2 week break.Thanks again for listening and being there for me,I really appreciate it.

Adelaidenow:Sorry you feel this way.I havent named or shamed anyone.I could be anywhere in the UK,and working in any major hospital,mental health unit,drug rehab or even dentists!I think its nice to have some impartial advice,not to mention support.I would help anyone on here if I was able to.

[sidestep]

..keep a diary of EVERY SINGLE incident as it happens

This ^^

 

Record dates, times and locations of any occurrences plus the names of anyone witnessing the event(s). Also try to note down exactly what was said including any mannerisms, tone of voice, facial expressions etc of the person concerned.

[Guest Xhako]

Yes i would have this conversation on a bus, as julie pointed out nothing identifying has been said, and my advice would be exactly the same.

 

Me too, no names are mentioned so what's the problem? I agree it is unprofessional to talk about others but this is not a workplace, it is a support forum.