Teenagers and alcohol

[Guest ebstar]

I have a daughter who will be 16 in a few weeks time and who is desperately asking for alcohol for her 16th birthday party at home. A large number of the kids at her school in the Uk were allowed to drink at parties or an alco pop once a week at the age of 14. Many of those kids at the age of 16 are now having a few drinks and/or getting drunk most weekends. I was hoping that side of things would be a little more controlled here but it seems there are still large numbers of parents happy to let their kids drink alot! My daughter has several invites for parties and it looks like alcohol will be at all. I'm not against letting my daughter try alcohol at her age but believe it should be a small amount at home when we are there and not huge amounts at parties where it can lead to mistakes they may regret.

What I really want to know is how other people feel about this. Right now i kind of feel like i'm the only strict parent. How have,are or would you deal with this situation?

 

Thanks Deb

[Rachiegarlo]

I agree with you, children need to manage their own drinking and learn that it can be enjoyed, give you a bit of a buzz without the need to get sloshed. Most will at some point get sloshed though and it wont be in front of their parents or at home. Quite a few of my friends set rules for their children, they acknowledged their child was going to drink at parties regardless of who supplies it so they came to a compromise, bought the child a specified amount which the child agreed that this and nothing else would be what they drank or else next time there would be no parties. Bare in mind there are always "helpful" friends who will buy your child alcohol. Ultimately it's up to you, I never bought alcohol for mine when they were going to parties, but I know their friends did , trying to soften the clink of bottles in their bags when I picked up the friend . You know what your child is like and your child at 16 will probably have a good handle on what you expect behaviour wise and trust wise from her. Have a chat to her, explaining your fears, expectations etc and find something that will work for both of you.

Edited February 19, 2013 by Rachiegarlo

[Lazy Cow]

It's a toughie. My son stopped having parties round that age because he knew he had Buckley's of being allowed alcohol I felt bad but, even though I know I cannot control what he does away from the house, I wasn't going to condone underage drinking (or smoking or sex for that matter lol!) in my home. Luckily, he wasn't the only one to have mean parents!

 

The legal age for drinking is 18yo, although kids can drink alcohol in a private home as long as there is a responsible adult present. So, if you were to allow her to have alcohol at the party, I would make sure the attendees' parents were informed alcohol would be present and that it would be ok if their child drank it. Then, of course, you would need to be at the party to ensure there were no problems and comply with the law.

 

You are right, there are quite a few kids who will be drinking etc at this age and there are parents who will turn a blind eye or even encourage their kids to drink. I also know that things can get out of hand - all those hormones! - and alcohol can play a part in that. I think that peer pressure can make a kid feel their party will be a disaster if they are not cool enough to have alcohol but I also feel that by making the decision for our kids, they can 'blame' us then get on with having a great time.

 

I don't know what your daughter is planning but maybe a dj, lights etc will make the party rock - without alcohol!

LC

[Rachiegarlo]

We also didn't have parties at home, beyond childhood parties. We went away to England for my older daughter's 18th. My younger daughter had her 18th at our house and I did not supply alcahol. Not all of her friends were 18 and my daughter put on the invitations that it was a get together and not an all up slosh up. Those who were old enough could join her going into town afterwards. I made a huge non alcaholic punch and had loads of other soft drink. A week later my older daughter had her 21 st, her first adult party at home....I supplied 2 cartons of Coopers which is what she drinks and people were told to BYO. We had no fallout at either parties. At the youngests yr 12 after formal party, the hosting parents stated there would be limited alcohol, as in 2 drinks per person and lots of soft drink and that no drinks ar all soft or other were to be brought to the party, to circumvent the ol hard stuff in a bottle of coke trick. People were also asked not to drive to the party.Very few of them were 18 at the start of yr 12 and it worked well. I think go with what you're comfortable with and set tight boundries, eg if you allow people to bring alcahol then it will be stored together with the rest and regulated by an adult in charge. Kids can have a good party as LC says without the alc.

[sally1968]

My daughter had alcohol at her 16 birthday party but it was strictly supervised. 2 drinks each but only with parental consent. Some parents said no and some said only 1 and we made sure that was adhered to. I can safely say that my daughter has not turned into a binge drinking p***head!! In fact she is quite the opposite. I think that if you have the right attitude then so will your daughter.

[Guest ebstar]

Thanks for the reply's. I'm not against her having a little and have let her try before at home. It's more the worry of quantities and supplying. I spoke with a local officer about the legal side and your allowed to supply a few drinks on your own property but if anyone leaves and causes trouble it falls back on you. Also i was approached by another parent about my daughter having one drink at her daughters party, which i said was ok but then found out they gave them loads each. She was hungover and dehydrated the following day but fortunately that party was just girls. I think alot of my worry is around trying to figure out the whole teenager thing. I wish she was little again and the issues were when to potty train etc. You spend your time looking forward to the next stage when they are little and now we are here its so much more complicated!

[nikkinoodlesuk]

I had the same with my daughter, she had alcohol at her party and I agreed providing the parents were happy and that they all went home so if anyone over did it then their parents deal with it and it was incident free no-one sick or drunk. My daughter is now almost 19 and hardly ever drinks I think allowing small amounts in a controlled supervised way encourages kids to be sensible.