pom wants to go back to oz

[Guest skel]

Hi all,we moved to Adelaide in oct 2011,we got a rental in Woodcroft my son went to Woodcroft primary i got work as a tiler and my wife got a job working in the Marion Center for a optical company.after christmas i got really depressed about living there and missed evrything about home Nottingham.i could not thing about any thing other than going back,i was playing football in a vets league up at Seaford and made many great friends, but i just lost the plot and started to harm myself i was that depressed,i had to go to the hospital to get sorted out,i had a chat with a pommie nurse who was great and told me to go home as this was a cry for help,my wife was shocked.to cut things short we went back to the uk in april 2012 ,we

have been back a year now and i feel like i did in Adelaide i am getting depreessed .

i now want to go back and give it another go i know this sounds mad but i think about oz all the time my wife was ok there and went back for me she says that she is not doing it again for our sons sake Luke who is ten,but i know he will grow up in a better place,i feel like i am in limbo.we still have 3 years on my 176 visa so thats not a problem,thanks for any advice, ps, anyone need a tiler/paver 14 years in the trade have white card thank you all Neil

[Guest PaulandVicky]

First of all thank you for being so honest about your situation.

 

It might be an idea to speak with the medical team in the uk prior to considering the move back, for discussing your thoughts abd feelings re the big move (coz it is a big move and very stressful). That way it may help your decision. You have encountered a major experience coming here. Notts ain't too bad either. Can you find a football team in Notts or do some similar activities that will make you want to consider uk 'not being all that bad' consider seeking some help and advise and talk with your wife and family for help too. You don't want to come over again and realise oz ain't for you and ping back - very expensive ride!! He he... Try not to stress too much, write it all down on paper and talk talk talk, it will all work out right in the end.

[Guest Benoli]

I think you have to get to the bottom of why you reacted so badly to being away from home the first time. Your wife will be scared the same thing will happen again so she will be reluctant to take the chance, actually harming yourself is much more serious that just being a bit miserable! She also has your child to protect and she will be unwilling to cause too many disruptions to his life too. How do you think your condition and returning to the UK has affected him? Did he notice the changes in you? How will another move affect him??

 

If you can answer why things go so bad and what coping mechanisms you can put in place to prevent a repeat of the situation you will have a better case for convincing your wife its worth doing. It will also be better for you too as I'm sure you wouldn't want to go through the same thing again. Knowing how to cope and to recognize when you need help sooner rather than later will also be something to work on. You don't know how you will react the next time. Speak to your doctor, CPN or anyone who can help you to talk through everything that went on and what you could do to prevent going down that road again.

 

As for now, you will still need to see you doctor about being depressed at the moment. You really don't want to ignore it as it can become very disabling and as you've previously experienced, you could harm yourself again if it gets worse. It may be something other than just Australia that is causing it so you'll need to dig deep and find out for sure. As for going back to Australia, your wife may dig her heels in and refuse to go ever again. You will have to deal with that being a possibility and find a way to come to terms with that.

 

Good luck I hope you find peace in whatever you do xx

Edited April 2, 2013 by Benoli

[Toni]

Personally I think that Pommie nurse in Oz gave you some good advice. If it was clinical depression you had then it is treatable and it would be best to get that sorted before you make the move again, otherwise you may end up stressed on this side of the world again without your extended family support. Moving, changing jobs and schools for children (and their parents) is one of the highest "stressors" that are listed for contributing to depression. Good luck, if you are in a financial position to come over for a holiday then that might be a good way to go to see how you feel about being here again, although moving over here and being on holiday are completely different things I know. Really wish you well.

[Guest Guest75]

Best of luck Neil. The move is hard to say the least.

 

Get some support and talk about it. Don't bottle up - worst thing you can do.

[wizzywozza]

Please, please get some expert treatment for your clinical depression, and make progress dealing with that BEFORE you make any life changing decisions. When you suffer from depression you can make very irrational and impulsive choices, which although might seem the right thing to do at the time, may not be ultimately, and can make your mental health a whole lot worse. You have two major things to deal with here and the depression issue must take precedence for your sake and your familys sake.

 

Once you have dealt with your health and made progress with that, only then you will be strong enough and rational enough to take on major decisions which affect the whole family. You certainly don't want to aggravate your depressive state by adding the stress of another major life change.

 

As a fellow sufferer of depression I am learning that I have to deal with that first, the other stuff can come later. Please go see your GP and make sure you get some counselling from a fully qualified psychologist and start talking things over. An unbiased person can help you see things more clearly. Don't be afraid of medication either, it's an aid to helping you find your way, and make you think clearer.

 

I personally believe the last thing you should be considering is moving back to Adelaide, and taking on all the additional stress that will entail. Your health is your priority right now, and your family need you to be functioning at 100%. Then you can make the BIG decision together.

 

Sharon

[likesshopping]

Nicely put and great advice Sharon xx

[jim and adel]

Good advice in the replies above. I feel sorry for you and hope you get things sorted, but I feel more sorry for your wife and son - making the move in your present state is no way to proceed.

 

Jim

[Guest PaulandVicky]

Hey skel,

 

You have openly expressed your feelings which is very brave and honest - well done mate. A lot of us feel getting help from your GP is a great start for helping you. please do this first small step and keep in touch.

[snifter]

I agree with others with regards to you needing to get help for your depression before doing anything else. Go see your GP and take it from there, be it counselling, medication or something else. But take that step, it is an important one.

 

I'd not consider moving back to Aus at this point in time as you won't be getting the help you need for your depression and it isn't going to go away or fix itself overnight if you return to Aus.

[MacLeods]

I agree with the above, you can't runaway from yourself, deal with you depression and what causes it, seek counselling if you can get, take meds if need be, temp or permanent and find something for you to enjoy, and then perhaps with a clear head a bit down the track revisit the potential to move back, you may just find you are

actually happy where you are.....

[Guest Guest6899]

Hello, its Gareth (using wife's login) who was in the footie team with you. just want to say we all support you in whatever you want to do. Seek all the help you can get as others have said so you can make the right decisions for you and your family.

 

Gareth