Unhelpful Comments- Stressing me out!!

[Guest The Pottertons]

Ive had my fill this week of people commenting on the fact that they would never consider emmigrating as they couldnt leave their family as if therefore im not that bothered about mine! Im extremely close to my family and they mean the world to me but feel im constantly being judged as selfish for leaving them. Im a mum and therefore my family unit is my proirity which i thought would need no explanation but apparently not! Im sure you guys have all had similar comments but how do you answer that without offending them. What i want to say is that im putting my kids above my parents and siblings but then thats like saying they dont put their kids first.

Feel like a need a little handbook with a list of polite but to the point comebacks for all the opinions of everyone else!

i love my family more that anything but i dont want to spend life in a rut, i want to experience things, do something different and exciting and show my kids how life can be with hard work and determination.

Feel sometimes like ive no one to talk to as no one seems to understand!

[Guest Trakki]

I do tell people that we are doing it for a better life for the children and yes they do come before my mum and brother. They have their own lives and we have ours, my brother is married with a son and my mum although on her own supports us 110%. Just tell them that it is your decision to go to get the best from life and it is their decision to stay put, everyone has different opinions. At the end of the day all you have to think about is that you are doing what you think is best for your children so ignore what they say and look forward to the rest of your lives in Oz.

 

HTH

[Guest Libby1971]

My dad told me frequently that once you had kids, your life ceased to matter, only theirs. While I think his wording was extreme, he did have a point. My children are my raison d'etre, the reason I wake up each day. I will do what I consider right for them as they have their whole lives in front of them. I am not able to make the choices that my parents did for me and it is not my place to choose for them, or my siblings.

 

This is what I would say to someone if I was calm. However the chances are that when I had had a day like you have clearly had, I would tell them to shove their head up their a*se. After that, I would tell them that they do not have a monopoly on family relationships and if their family is so damn perfect why aren't they still living at home?

 

Sadly I think the only part of all this that I would remember at the time is the bit about head up a*se.

 

Libby

[Guest mOZzy]

i totally agree!

once you 'fly the nest' you are independent!

that's what your parents raised you to be i guess.

 

so we take the opportunity and do what WE believe is right for US.

 

sure family is great but sometimes we have different priorities and dreams.

 

and i have to say you can always throw the ball back: IF your family loves you so much then they should support you 100% in your dreams and not hold you back!!!!

 

 

good luck!

[Rachiegarlo]

And after all people move for their jobs all the time and no one says anything. It's not like it takes 3 months by sailing ship and you might be lost at sea or get stuck in the doldrums or overrun by pirates. Some people would complain if you were only moving to the other end of the uk. My guess is there is a small part of them that wishes it was them, and so have to come up with reasons for themselves staying.

 

It's a bit like reverse snobbery when you decide to send your kids to private school and you get jokes about paying more so they can have more holidays etc, it does get tiring, but hey one day you'll be gone and they'll all be sitting round, heating on full blast, watching programmes about Oz on telly saying ... eyyy do you remember them Pottertons, they went out there didn'tthey, lucky b.....s. Wish we'd gone when we had the chance. Closing the curtains cos it's dark outside and it's only four.

[Guest suejohndan]

Hi,

I know exactly how you feel. I love my family to bits but we have to do what we think is right for our own family unit, and in our case as yours we think the right thing to do is offer our children something different. Me and my husband really believe that we are doing the right thing by taking our children to a new country to begin a new life whilst they are young enough.

 

Chin up Yvonne all will feel better soon.

[Guest The Pottertons]

Flipping heck!- Youre all so wise- this is like an online counselling service as much as anything else! And its free!!! i feel a bit ashamed for being so daft and letting it get to me:embarrassed:. but i guess we all need a kick up the arse on this journey and you are definitely the people to make me see sense. Thanks to every one and i'll keep in mind the up your a*** comment Libby- may well use it. Thanks again:wubclub: Yvonne xxx

[Guest halfadozen]

Hi,

 

I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's even worse when they ask you how the process is going yet switch off when you are telling them! I agree with Rachiegarlo, we are all gong for something that alot of people wish they had the guts to aswell but basically they haven't !! Sounds horrible but I sometimes think that people are waiting for it to go t**ts up so that they feel better that they haven't bothered trying! Jealousy is a terrible thing!

 

You carry on your dream and (try) and take no notice of the negative comments, just remember why you are doing this in the first place. Better to regret going than regret not going and being one of many who say "I wonder if we would have liked it?"

 

Keep smiling, good luck with the reccie, let us know how you get on.

 

---------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Me 39, Hubby 40,

3 girls 13, 11 & 6

Boy 9

Dog 1

 

Waiting for vettassess to ok qualifications (wish they'd hurry up!)

[Guest PeakHillPossy]

Hi Yvonne

 

please try to ignore them, people don't realise just how spiteful they are being when they make remarks like this. When I agree with other comments, secretly they probably wish they had the bottle to make a better life for their family too!

Jane x

[Guest JULIE210]

Hi All,

 

We are having a similar thing! We are going to Adelaide in August for a holiday/reccie to consider emigrating. We are all so excited but both of our sets of parents just change the subject when Australia is mentioned! Its so hurtful because we really want them to be happy for us if we decide to start a new life in Oz.

 

We have two teenage girls who we have asked to have a look at Oz by "keeping an open mind" about whether they would live there as they have both expressed the "missing family" scenario. We are really close to our families too but I am of the opinion that I dont want to be in an old peoples home in years to come with my biggest regret being I didnt at least give it a go!! But more importantly didnt look at giving the girls a brighter future too.

 

I have no illusions whatsoever that the hardest thing will be leaving family behind but I think you have to look past that and look at what the future holds.

 

So all I can say to you is do what you think is right for you and your children.

 

Good Luck.

 

Julie, Steve

Beckie (17) and Melissa (14)

 

Flights and accomodation booked August!! Cant wait

[Guest Django]

If your friends are giving you grief then maybe they aren't the good friends you thought they were. Friends back the decissions you make. If they think you are making a mistake they would suggest another course of action but never make you feel bad.

To me reading your post it smacks of jealousy and a bit of selfishness on their part. They don't want you to go as they will miss you and haven't got the guts to do it themselves. Stick to your guns and be strong. When you are lapping up the sun and they are sweeping snow off their car to get to work who will feel they are in the right place??

 

Pete

[ianb]

Ive had my fill this week of people commenting on the fact that they would never consider emmigrating as they couldnt leave their family as if therefore im not that bothered about mine! Im extremely close to my family and they mean the world to me but feel im constantly being judged as selfish for leaving them. Im a mum and therefore my family unit is my proirity which i thought would need no explanation but apparently not! Im sure you guys have all had similar comments but how do you answer that without offending them. What i want to say is that im putting my kids above my parents and siblings but then thats like saying they dont put their kids first.

Feel like a need a little handbook with a list of polite but to the point comebacks for all the opinions of everyone else!

i love my family more that anything but i dont want to spend life in a rut, i want to experience things, do something different and exciting and show my kids how life can be with hard work and determination.

Feel sometimes like ive no one to talk to as no one seems to understand!

 

We know exactly what your going through as we have had all the comments and stupid remarks from people who are so called friends as well. Best thing to do is just see that its jealousy as that is what it is. These are the sort of people that will just sit around and moan about anyone who is making a better life for themselves and are prepared to take a risk or two to get it. Just say to yourselves they will be the ones sitting in the uk moaning about everything that goes on and doing nothing about it. Hundreds of people each year are doing the talking with thier feet and getting out before we become second class people in our own country and working our guts out to support those that want to sit on the butts doing nothing but getting all the handouts that the mugs sitting here having back stabbing digs at us for getting out. If they had the guts they would be doing the same!!

 

There will always be members of the family that make comments about deserting them

but given the chance they would be doing the same.

 

Dont be put off by it, for us it makes us more determined!!

[Guest bev_stef]

Hi Yuonne

 

I know exactly what you mean, everyone seems to have a comment/put down when the conversation comes round to emmigrating. Before xmas everyone was under the impression that everything had fallen flat and wasn't going to happen. Since we've got back in the groove we haven't told them anything different and we won't until we get those magic stamps, its easier that way. I find that a lot of people put you down for doing something that they themselves wish they could do, but don't have the determination and drive to do it. keep your heads held high and GO GET THOSE VISAS!

 

Bev

[Guest sarahsmartiepants]

Dont worry about what people say to you! You are a grown up capabl of making the decisions for your self and family. You will probably find it is part jealousy making them say something like that, as they havent got the guts or means to do something similar, and not being able to leave family is just a useful excuse!!

sarah

[Guest paul_smart]

Ive had my fill this week of people commenting on the fact that they would never consider emmigrating as they couldnt leave their family as if therefore im not that bothered about mine! Im extremely close to my family and they mean the world to me but feel im constantly being judged as selfish for leaving them. Im a mum and therefore my family unit is my proirity which i thought would need no explanation but apparently not! Im sure you guys have all had similar comments but how do you answer that without offending them. What i want to say is that im putting my kids above my parents and siblings but then thats like saying they dont put their kids first.

Feel like a need a little handbook with a list of polite but to the point comebacks for all the opinions of everyone else!

i love my family more that anything but i dont want to spend life in a rut, i want to experience things, do something different and exciting and show my kids how life can be with hard work and determination.

Feel sometimes like ive no one to talk to as no one seems to understand!

 

Actually i think you already gave the comeback in your thread, Your extremely close to your family, but as a mother your family unit is the priority and your going to give your kids the best start they can possibly get, while their kids go to schools with teachers striking and the walls crumbling around them in playgrounds filled with violence and knives.

It might make you feel a bit shocked after but imagine the looks on their faces if you spoke the misreable truth:), simple answer, why are ANY of us moving abroad and leaving our homeland? For a safer environment and for our CHILDREN, hell I'm going for those two reasons alone and I don't have kids but mine are not going to school in the UK, I want them to have the best childhood this life can offer, which sad but true wont be in the UK and in it's current state of free fall decline!!

 

Ok I'm getting off the soap box now, don't let other peoples judgement effect you, they are welcome to their views, most will be biased with jealousy tho, they want the same for their kids without having the nerve to do what your doing.

[suziewozie]

What a great post Rachiegarlo, might thoughts entirely.

Very well written.

[cormcvcr]

We had some of that as well, but not too much.

 

It was mainly just the, Oh I wish I had the guts to do that.

 

My answer, well do it then, what's stopping you?

 

You either want to try new things and see where it takes you, or spend the rest of your life moaning about your life and everything else around you, doing the same thing most weekends and not experiencing anything new.

 

We are here and loving it, although we have only been here 6 weeks, my kids wouldn't go back! They miss their friends and family of course, but that is only natural.

 

as sainsbury's say TRY SOMETHING NEW TODAY!!!!

[Guest jojo]

We had our fill of people also, but i think most people do. you are moving out of a nice little bubble of familiarity and doing something that some people only dream of doing.

 

I am really close to my mum and i still get upset thinking about leaving her, :sad:but she was totally behind us and kept saying right up to when i got in the taxi, i wil see you soon this is a fantastic adventure for you all and you have to do this for your girls. and she is soo right. she has been and still is under the impresion that there is nothing of a future at the moment for my children in the Uk.

 

we had people right up to when we went still thinking that we wouldnt do it, especially when the house sale fell through the first time, and if we did go we would be back within 3 months. Well i have been here nearly 4 months settling in really well and so are the girls and have met some great people.

 

to the comments of why are you doing it and i couldnt leave my family behind etc.

i simply said. "i am not leaving my family behind i'm taking them with me" ( my husband and children) and " i am only a phonecall, email or a day away" ibut i also said we are giving the girls an fantastic opportunity ( which we are)and if your friends are really friends and believe me even after 4 months i have worked out who they really are:skeptical: they will support you.

 

But remember as my wise old mum said " its better to have a go and try something than to regret never giving it a go":)

 

just ignore them.

Jo xxx

[Guest Nick11]

It's pure jealousy. You've got the bottle to do what your friends haven't.

To be honest we never really had any trouble with that. Maybe the friends that critisize you won't stay in touch when you get here.

[Guest thelincolns]

I personally believe in keeping things quiet until you are ready to get going... that's what we are doing.

We know we won't get any support or understanding so why putting us in the situation of making ourselves victimised?

 

I just want my peace and I think it will be worth keeping quiet for the sake of my sanity and my family's.

 

I salute your courage in sharing your intents though, we cannot as this would lead to arguments and major fallouts as we just aren't the types who take things on the chin

 

Feel for you- just try as ianb said to see these comments as a spur to really get the hell out of here!!

 

Take care

[Guest cunnah10]

My dad told me frequently that once you had kids, your life ceased to matter, only theirs. While I think his wording was extreme, he did have a point. My children are my raison d'etre, the reason I wake up each day. I will do what I consider right for them as they have their whole lives in front of them. I am not able to make the choices that my parents did for me and it is not my place to choose for them, or my siblings.

 

This is what I would say to someone if I was calm. However the chances are that when I had had a day like you have clearly had, I would tell them to shove their head up their a*se. After that, I would tell them that they do not have a monopoly on family relationships and if their family is so damn perfect why aren't they still living at home?

 

Sadly I think the only part of all this that I would remember at the time is the bit about head up a*se.

 

Libby

Hurray for Libby!

 

You always bring a smile to my face with your fab comments and honesty but today i broke into a loud laugh!

 

Thank you for cheering me up(again)

 

I am also in same position as the poor soul who sent this thread about other people's uneccesary hurtful comments!

It is hard enough without other people digging the knife in!

 

I actually backed out a few months ago and called it all off because of the amount of emotional blackmail and huge guilt trip that i was put on!

But i am back with a vengence!All back on again!I'M ON A MISSION NOW!!!!

Nobody going to influence me this time!I am refusing to discuss it or even be brought into any conversation about it until i am ready to say "we have flights booked".

 

You guys have inspired me on this absolutely fantastic site!!!!

 

Thank you all

 

Gill

[Guest thelincolns]

Good to see you see you are in better spirits now.

 

I agree Libby has always something helpful to say!

 

Have a good weekend without nasty comments

[Guest Leanne & Mark]

I personally believe in keeping things quiet until you are ready to get going... that's what we are doing.

We know we won't get any support or understanding so why putting us in the situation of making ourselves victimised?

 

I just want my peace and I think it will be worth keeping quiet for the sake of my sanity and my family's.

 

I salute your courage in sharing your intents though, we cannot as this would lead to arguments and major fallouts as we just aren't the types who take things on the chin

 

Feel for you- just try as ianb said to see these comments as a spur to really get the hell out of here!!

 

Take care

 

 

Now you see keeping it to yourself is a great idea in principle......but i've got a big gob and can't hold my own water!!!! LOL.

Plus my life is so averagely dull n boring its nice to have something to tell people about!!

[Guest macu68]

Hurray for Libby!

 

You always bring a smile to my face with your fab comments and honesty but today i broke into a loud laugh!

 

Thank you for cheering me up(again)

 

I am also in same position as the poor soul who sent this thread about other people's uneccesary hurtful comments!

It is hard enough without other people digging the knife in!

 

I actually backed out a few months ago and called it all off because of the amount of emotional blackmail and huge guilt trip that i was put on!

But i am back with a vengence!All back on again!I'M ON A MISSION NOW!!!!

Nobody going to influence me this time!I am refusing to discuss it or even be brought into any conversation about it until i am ready to say "we have flights booked".

 

You guys have inspired me on this absolutely fantastic site!!!!

 

Thank you all

 

Gill

 

 

Hi Gill and Family

 

Great to hear you are going for it. I have been following your plight and emotions since we met at the northwest meet up in January. The pressure you have all been under has been immense and I am delighted that you are all giving it a go. Keep your pecker up and hope to see you on the other side.

[Nicky]

I'm finding my parents a bit of struggle at the moment too, well I say parents, mainly my mum. I'm very close to my parents probably more so my mum. However since we've said we're moving to oz it's actually brought me closer to my dad. We chat a lot more now and I feel the need to give him more hugs as I know I won't be able to for much longer. As for my mum, she seems really distant. They both back us and although, obviously, will really miss us and the grand kids they can totally see our reasons for going. Dad jokes with my kids saying he can't wait to be playing with them on the beach in Oz but my mum doesn't even ask how things are going. Perhaps its purely because she's going to miss us rather than the fact she doesn't want us to go but I want to talk to her. I feel like it's a taboo subject. I'm conscious I want to be spending more time with her, making the most of our time together but recently a month passed before I saw her (she only lives a couple of miles up the road) because she was 'always busy' whenever I tried to arrange to see her or 'on her way out' if I popped up. I think it's just me obsessing about it. I know she's worried about flying because she has varicous veins but she didn't tell me, I got this information from my dad. Why does she feel she can't tell me her concerns? I think it's because she doesn't want to influence our decision.

 

Parents eh, who'd have them!!

 

Nicky