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    1. #1
      The Pottertons

      Unhelpful Comments- Stressing me out!!

      Ive had my fill this week of people commenting on the fact that they would never consider emmigrating as they couldnt leave their family as if therefore im not that bothered about mine! Im extremely close to my family and they mean the world to me but feel im constantly being judged as selfish for leaving them. Im a mum and therefore my family unit is my proirity which i thought would need no explanation but apparently not! Im sure you guys have all had similar comments but how do you answer that without offending them. What i want to say is that im putting my kids above my parents and siblings but then thats like saying they dont put their kids first.
      Feel like a need a little handbook with a list of polite but to the point comebacks for all the opinions of everyone else!
      i love my family more that anything but i dont want to spend life in a rut, i want to experience things, do something different and exciting and show my kids how life can be with hard work and determination.
      Feel sometimes like ive no one to talk to as no one seems to understand!

    2. #2

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Apr 2007
      Seaford Meadows, Adelaide, AUSTRALIA woohoo
      264 times
      I do tell people that we are doing it for a better life for the children and yes they do come before my mum and brother. They have their own lives and we have ours, my brother is married with a son and my mum although on her own supports us 110%. Just tell them that it is your decision to go to get the best from life and it is their decision to stay put, everyone has different opinions. At the end of the day all you have to think about is that you are doing what you think is best for your children so ignore what they say and look forward to the rest of your lives in Oz.


    3. #3

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Dec 2006
      Reynella East, SA
      181 times
      My dad told me frequently that once you had kids, your life ceased to matter, only theirs. While I think his wording was extreme, he did have a point. My children are my raison d'etre, the reason I wake up each day. I will do what I consider right for them as they have their whole lives in front of them. I am not able to make the choices that my parents did for me and it is not my place to choose for them, or my siblings.

      This is what I would say to someone if I was calm. However the chances are that when I had had a day like you have clearly had, I would tell them to shove their head up their a*se. After that, I would tell them that they do not have a monopoly on family relationships and if their family is so damn perfect why aren't they still living at home?

      Sadly I think the only part of all this that I would remember at the time is the bit about head up a*se.


    4. #4

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      May 2007
      Hallett Cove
      62 times
      i totally agree!
      once you 'fly the nest' you are independent!
      that's what your parents raised you to be i guess.

      so we take the opportunity and do what WE believe is right for US.

      sure family is great but sometimes we have different priorities and dreams.

      and i have to say you can always throw the ball back: IF your family loves you so much then they should support you 100% in your dreams and not hold you back!!!! :D

      good luck!

    5. #5

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Mar 2008
      South Plympton, Adelaide
      1114 times
      And after all people move for their jobs all the time and no one says anything. It's not like it takes 3 months by sailing ship and you might be lost at sea or get stuck in the doldrums or overrun by pirates. Some people would complain if you were only moving to the other end of the uk. My guess is there is a small part of them that wishes it was them, and so have to come up with reasons for themselves staying.

      It's a bit like reverse snobbery when you decide to send your kids to private school and you get jokes about paying more so they can have more holidays etc, it does get tiring, but hey one day you'll be gone and they'll all be sitting round, heating on full blast, watching programmes about Oz on telly saying ... eyyy do you remember them Pottertons, they went out there didn'tthey, lucky b.....s. Wish we'd gone when we had the chance. Closing the curtains cos it's dark outside and it's only four.
      Sailed SS Australis out of Southampton 1977.Arrived October in Adelaide via Melbourne 1977.Liverpool/London 1987 - 1992
      Adelaide 1992 to eternity:)and one day you'll wake up and stop counting how long you've been here.

    6. #6
      I know exactly how you feel. I love my family to bits but we have to do what we think is right for our own family unit, and in our case as yours we think the right thing to do is offer our children something different. Me and my husband really believe that we are doing the right thing by taking our children to a new country to begin a new life whilst they are young enough.

      Chin up Yvonne all will feel better soon.

    7. #7
      The Pottertons
      Flipping heck!- Youre all so wise- this is like an online counselling service as much as anything else! And its free!!! i feel a bit ashamed for being so daft and letting it get to me:embarrassed:. but i guess we all need a kick up the arse on this journey and you are definitely the people to make me see sense. Thanks to every one and i'll keep in mind the up your a*** comment Libby- may well use it. Thanks again Yvonne xxx

    8. #8

      I know EXACTLY how you feel. It's even worse when they ask you how the process is going yet switch off when you are telling them! I agree with Rachiegarlo, we are all gong for something that alot of people wish they had the guts to aswell but basically they haven't !! Sounds horrible but I sometimes think that people are waiting for it to go t**ts up so that they feel better that they haven't bothered trying! Jealousy is a terrible thing!

      You carry on your dream and (try) and take no notice of the negative comments, just remember why you are doing this in the first place. Better to regret going than regret not going and being one of many who say "I wonder if we would have liked it?"

      Keep smiling, good luck with the reccie, let us know how you get on. :)


      Me 39, Hubby 40,
      3 girls 13, 11 & 6
      Boy 9
      Dog 1

      Waiting for vettassess to ok qualifications (wish they'd hurry up!)

    9. #9
      Hi Yvonne

      please try to ignore them, people don't realise just how spiteful they are being when they make remarks like this. When I agree with other comments, secretly they probably wish they had the bottle to make a better life for their family too!
      Jane x

    10. #10
      Hi All,

      We are having a similar thing! We are going to Adelaide in August for a holiday/reccie to consider emigrating. We are all so excited but both of our sets of parents just change the subject when Australia is mentioned! Its so hurtful because we really want them to be happy for us if we decide to start a new life in Oz.

      We have two teenage girls who we have asked to have a look at Oz by "keeping an open mind" about whether they would live there as they have both expressed the "missing family" scenario. We are really close to our families too but I am of the opinion that I dont want to be in an old peoples home in years to come with my biggest regret being I didnt at least give it a go!! But more importantly didnt look at giving the girls a brighter future too.

      I have no illusions whatsoever that the hardest thing will be leaving family behind but I think you have to look past that and look at what the future holds.

      So all I can say to you is do what you think is right for you and your children.

      Good Luck.

      Julie, Steve
      Beckie (17) and Melissa (14)

      Flights and accomodation booked August!! Cant wait


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