Please help!! Homesick and considering moving back to the UK?

[BristolZoe]

Sorry in advance for the long message but any help would be greatly appreciated

 

i moved from bristol to adelaide when i was 10, and me nor my brother particularly wanted to go but we had no choice. i have constantly been homesick, despite having a very nice life here. I have lived here 6 years now and i have just come back from my first trip back to the UK since moving. I loved being in bristol and I cried for hours at the airport because i didn't want to leave; it was so nice to be home and be with my grandparents. it was also nice to see two close friends, who are two brothers, that I have known since i was 4, so i am very close with them. they are the only friends from my childhood in england that i am still in touch with so they are very very special to me. It was very difficult to leave these boys when i came back to australia as i have been close with them for almost my entire life.

 

My instinct is to book my next holiday to england this very minute, and to go back as often as i can in future. I'm even considering going to university in bristol. however, the only thing stopping me from going back to the UK is the two brothers i am very close with. as they were originally born in australia they are planning on coming to australia to visit at some point in the near future, and the older one is considering coming to university here. the problem is, is that i don't want to book a trip to england in case they book a trip to australia at the same time as i don't want to miss an opportunity to see them. also i don't want to be in the UK if the older brother comes to university here, as i want to stay near him to be close to him. obviously i don't want my life to revolve around other people, but i want to spend as much time as possible with these boys.

 

so my questions are:

*should i just book my next trip back to the UK anyway? because while these boys are desperate to come to australia they haven't decided when they are actually coming and i am desperate to be back in the UK, it would be a shame to miss them but i can't wait around for ever for them to decide what they are doing

*should i consider going to university in bristol? whilst i love being back in bristol, going on holiday somewhere and actually moving back and living there are two very different things. I also don't want to leave australia if the older brother comes to university in australia as i want to stay close to him.

 

apologies for the long message, but i could really use some advice as i am miserable, I'm really missing england and these two friends. Writing it down i realise how ridiculous this all sounds, but its really hurting me and i'll take any advice i can get, thanks

[flossybeth]

There are a few things to think about from your post, like what do your parents think? are they happy to let you go back and forth for holidays (or are you funding these trips yourself?)? Are you aware that you need to be resident in the UK for two years prior to starting university there to avoid having to pay international fees? Does Bristol University even offer what you're hoping to study?

 

I get that you've gone back and re-connected with a boy and (now to sound really old) it seems like the be all and end all of everything but give it a few years and see where it goes and what other choices you've had to make in the mean time. If this boy and his brother come to Australia to visit make sure you spend time with them - but don't work your life around theirs; if you choose to book another trip back to the UK then do it because you want to and then let the brothers know the dates so they don't clash with your holidays...

 

And talk to your parents....

Edited July 21, 2015 by flossybeth

[nomorehashbrowns]

There are a few things to think about from your post, like what do your parents think? are they happy to let you go back and forth for holidays (or are you funding these trips yourself?)? Are you aware that you need to be resident in the UK for two years prior to starting university there to avoid having to pay international fees? Does Briatol University even offer what you're hoping to study?

 

I get that you've gone back and re-connected with a boy and (now to sound really old) it seems like the be all and end all of everything but give it a few years and see where it goes and what other choices you've had to make in the mean time. If this boy and his brother come to Australia to visit make sure you spend time with them - but don't work your life around theirs; if you choose to book another trip back to the UK then do it because you want to and then let the brothers know the dates so they don't clash with your holidays...

 

And talk to your parents....

 

The poor girl is 16 and at her wits end............I imagine you sound just like her Mum

[Blossom]

The poor girl is 16 and at her wits end............I imagine you sound just like her Mum

Unfortunately I think most of us are closer to parent age.

 

I agree, the uni fees would be use for you, so you need to take that into account.

You are young. That goes for and against you. You can go over and if it doesn't work out you can always come back. Even if it delays your uni. Does it matter? But also, moving over there will be very hard for you at your age. Finding somewhere to live. The huge cost. You are just that tiny bit too young to have a decent amount of freedom (thinking driving etc).

If I were you I'd try to hang in here and if you want to go to uni do it here. Then save up and go travelling. Plan to spend a year or two in the UK. Then you have a goal to look forwards to, and if you like it, you can just stay. Good luck.

[zebedee]

The poor girl is 16 and at her wits end............I imagine you sound just like her Mum

 

Maybe some alternative words of wisdom would have been more constructive instead?

 

Even at the age of 41 I can relate to her post - I feel caught between two worlds constantly since we've been in Australia. I am heading back to the UK soon to catch up with family and friends and I am half terrified of how I will feel. Will coming back to Australia feel like home? Will I realise how lucky we are in Australia? No idea.

 

The best you can do is keep that instinct close to your heart but do consider the ramifications of what you decide, and there will be nothing stopping you re-locating to the UK when you are older, when you have the qualifications are a bit wiser. Your options won't diminish with age. I wouldn't be surprised if one or all of my children decide to live in the UK for sometime in the future, maybe for good, there really isn't anything wrong with that, it's your (and their) lives to lead.

Edited July 21, 2015 by zebedee

[Sallyh]

I would think if you were born in the UK you wouldn't have any issues getting into uni, though Bristol is a top uni so I think you need to look at entry requirements. Tbh with grandparents still there that sounds like a great idea, but you need your whole family on board and as a parent that idea scares me senseless!!!!!

 

my advice is don't base your life choices around friends and what they are doing... I went to uni in Newcastle and had a boyfriend in the midlands... I limited my uni experience and friendship circles way too much and in the end it finished in my third year and i had missed out by going home too much. I think a gap year travelling, or working holiday visa type thing (except with a British passport you can do it without restriction) would be the best thing. A bit older, and you can get whatever jobs you want, travel independently and maybe even earn more money.

[Lazy Cow]

Writing it down i realise how ridiculous this all sounds, but its really hurting me and i'll take any advice i can get, thanks

 

I don't think your post sounds ridiculous at all.

 

I think what you're feeling is not uncommon - after all, you've lived in two countries, so you've seen what's good / not so good.

 

IMHO, when you think about this, I would try not to think too much about your two mates in the UK. After all, they've stayed your friends for the past six years, so I reckon they'll be life-long friends.

 

So, leaving them out of the mix..where would you rather be? It sounds like you loved Bristol, you have grandparents there, and if you live with them, should meet the two-year residence criteria so you won't be seen as an international student.

 

Without wishing to sound old, (but I will!) do you think you are feeling particularly unsettled because you've just come back from a visit?

 

Perhaps talk to your parents (well, I would say that lol!), your brother, or someone at school - a counsellor, the chaplain, or a teacher you get on well with.

 

OR, try this new expat group: http://www.pomsinadelaide.com/forum/aussie-chat/46691-expat-support-group.html It sounds like they could really help you decide what you really want for your future.

 

Good luck, and let us know how you're travelling...after all, we're here for you.

 

LC

[Sallyh]

I'm interested in the residency requirements for university. Does that apply to English born students who have been living out of the country?

[NicF]

I'm interested in the residency requirements for university. Does that apply to English born students who have been living out of the country?

 

Yes. There is a three year resident requirement to be considered a home student in the UK. The Universities have some discretion in this and could apply home fees if you made a good case (just being British wouldn't be enough) but the student loans company do not so even if you could get the Uni to apply home fees you wouldn't be able to get a student loan.

[Diane]

This is a post from member Eera on our sister site Poms In Oz regarding Uni fees:

 

There seems to be a rush of this particular question recently.

 

Assessing Home or International status was my job for a number of years. The legislation gives three conditions; domiciled in the UK, ordinarily resident in the UK and ordinarily resident for the previous three years for reasons other than higher education. We do have the right to decide ourselves bearing in mind those criteria, for example, I would assess a Navy child as Home status if they have lived in camps overseas as they, and their parents don't have a choice. Likewise if your job moved and you were forced to go with it then you'd get a sympathetic hearing.

 

If it's a case that you simply wanted to live overseas, and have done so for many years then no, International it would be.

 

When it comes to assessing you years of residency, we took September 1st as being 1 year, so if you moved to the UK on August 28th, then come September, we regarded that as being one full year for assessment purposes, so in reality it can only be two and a bit years before you meet the Home status.

 

The Student Loans mob don't have any flexibility though, so you may well get Home assessment from the uni, but no eligibility from the SLC

 

So yes, if you have been living over here in Australia for several years, even if you hold dual nationality, you will most likely have to pay international fees (around STG25k per year when I looked for my daughter).

 

For the rest of the OP's problems, why not have a chat to these friends of yours - Skype, Facetime, whatever - and tell them you want to come back to the UK for another trip, but don't want to miss out on seeing them while you're there, so do they have any dates yet for their Aus visit? Or perhaps suggest when they/he comes out here, you all/both do a bit of Australia backpacking around together? The world can seem huge when you are on the other side of where you want to be but really, it's not so big. My daughter went to America last year and worked at Camp America for the (US) summer - loved it and would have loved to go back again this year to work - was in fact offered a job to do so - but our July Uni holidays aren't long enough to do that, so she worked like mad to save up enough money to go back there for a three week holiday - which is where she is at the moment. Catching up with all her friends from Camp, who are almost like family to her.

 

Nothing has to be forever. And you are coming up to an age now where you can travel independently - you don't have to put down roots in any one spot. You can always visit friends, family - wherever they are. The only limiting factor is money (oh, and time too I guess) so see if you can get a part time job where you you can earn a bit of money, then spend it on travel and experiences. That's what earning money is about - earn it to spend it on something good.

 

 

[iwaltersmith]

UWE are really good with student bursaries and stuff and generally have lower entry requirements than Bristol uni If you're set on Bristol. Having said that, I've studied at UWE twice and worked there and now work at Flinders uni and I honestly think if you're going to be studying anywhere straight from school, you're best off with a family safety net and home student fees! If you can do that with UK family and a few years on the UK first, awesome. If not, maybe go to the UK for a year out and defer a degree course that you've already applied for here?

[SarahB]

I personally have found visiting the UK to be totally different to living there. When you are on holiday everyone makes a huge effort because they don't know when they will next see you. Given your age have you considered a gap year? Perhaps get on Skype with the friend you have and plan it together spend some time here some time there and see how you feel about day to day life living working etc once you are there. If you love it apply for uni and stay through uni if not come back and do uni here. Either way sounds like you have family and support in both countries which will be important.