A little advise please....ping pong poms

[Hughes'Roberts]

Hi Everyone, so weve not posted in a long time but could really do with your help.

Cut a long story short we decided to come back to the UK after having our 1st baby and because mainly me (nat) was homesick. We enjoyed Adelaide so much prior to having our boy and was not homesick at all but as soon as we found out we were expecting our first child....omg the emotions were bad and i was soon reminising my childhood at home and missing the Uk in general.

So we came back to the UK in April this year... 3 weeks in we started to think whether we had made the right decision but was too scared to admit it. 7 months on and we are finding ourselves wanting to go back!

I am not looking for a debate on what countrys better. I would like any advise on how you get through homesickness, did we not give it enough time prehaps (2 years). Has anyone gone through the same scenrio ping ponged back and found they settled quicker or is a case of stay and adapt and ride through the roller coaster of emotions?

Thanks in advance. Appreciate your thoughts

[snifter]

I think its more to do with the emotions and feeling surrounding having your first baby that are probably the thing to look at. Its natural lots of new mums to be and even mums who've had babies before want to be near their own family, their own mum and so on. It can sort of take over. However, it isn't always the solution or fix and these feelings can and often do pass as your LO grows and you adapt and work out this parenting lark

 

I think you need to look at you were fine up until the pregnancy and then homesickness and wanting to be near loved ones kicked in. And that now you are there, if its not working for you and you wish to return, then plan and do so. But be prepared for the same feelings to arise should you get pregnant again but perhaps the next time, rationalise it a little more as you know the road ahead somewhat better. You can't realistically high tail it and move back to the UK every time a baby comes along and then ping pong back as it'll leave you broke and also as kids get older they may struggle with the moves each way too many times. As will you both as it can be very confusing.

 

Having said that, you do have to consider how you will feel raising your child away from your families and if you could cope with that in the long term. I for one don't have an issue with it and never have so it doesn't impact me at all, nor did it my husband when we lived in England. But for others it can be something that troubles them and they feel their child is missing out on knowing family and so on. Holidays and extended trips can be great but for some they are not enough. I think you need to be a bit selfish in that respect when it comes to migrating with kids or if planning to have a family and not everyone can be or is that way. Also if you are really close to your family consider if you may struggle if back in Aus.

 

Personally I see no reason to not head back here but then I don't know the full story or you as a person. If you realise it was your emotions took over and so on and now would rather be back in Adelaide then so be it. If it was more than that, something deeper and an on going thing, then consider your options carefully.

[The Monaghans]

We ping pong'd! I personally never felt homesick but my husband is from a close knit family and he felt our children would be better off growing up around their grandparents, cousins etc. We'd lived here for three years but moved back to the UK in August 2010. We moved back to Australia in October 2010 - yes that's just eight weeks later...

I won't go into the whole long, miserable story here, you can probably find my original posts from then, I think I called them (imaginatively) Going Back...

I will say this though. If you do decide to come back to Aus you will probably meet with an awful lot of resistance from your family who will naturally be devastated that you're putting them through all this again. My mum (who has just arrived to stay with us for xmas) was completely beside herself that I'd brought her grandchildren home to her and then snatched them away again. It will be a real test of strength for you so be warned!

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck!

 

Liz

Edited December 8, 2015 by The Monaghans
shocking spelling mistake!

[Hughes'Roberts]

I think its more to do with the emotions and feeling surrounding having your first baby that are probably the thing to look at. Its natural lots of new mums to be and even mums who've had babies before want to be near their own family, their own mum and so on. It can sort of take over. However, it isn't always the solution or fix and these feelings can and often do pass as your LO grows and you adapt and work out this parenting lark

 

I think you need to look at you were fine up until the pregnancy and then homesickness and wanting to be near loved ones kicked in. And that now you are there, if its not working for you and you wish to return, then plan and do so. But be prepared for the same feelings to arise should you get pregnant again but perhaps the next time, rationalise it a little more as you know the road ahead somewhat better. You can't realistically high tail it and move back to the UK every time a baby comes along and then ping pong back as it'll leave you broke and also as kids get older they may struggle with the moves each way too many times. As will you both as it can be very confusing.

 

Having said that, you do have to consider how you will feel raising your child away from your families and if you could cope with that in the long term. I for one don't have an issue with it and never have so it doesn't impact me at all, nor did it my husband when we lived in England. But for others it can be something that troubles them and they feel their child is missing out on knowing family and so on. Holidays and extended trips can be great but for some they are not enough. I think you need to be a bit selfish in that respect when it comes to migrating with kids or if planning to have a family and not everyone can be or is that way. Also if you are really close to your family consider if you may struggle if back in Aus.

 

Personally I see no reason to not head back here but then I don't know the full story or you as a person. If you realise it was your emotions took over and so on and now would rather be back in Adelaide then so be it. If it was more than that, something deeper and an on going thing, then consider your options carefully.

 

 

Thank you so much for your advice. Your words are very true and yes we really do need to consider our options carefully. I was completely fine prior to getting pregnant, I had very bad morning sickness etc which made things probably seem alot worse.

I am not close with my family where I don't need to rely on them or live in each other's pockets and they have been quite supportive with our dilemma. We shall see, I will keep you updated!! Thanks again, you have really helped.

[Hughes'Roberts]

We ping pong'd! I personally never felt homesick but my husband is from a close knit family and he felt our children would be better off growing up around their grandparents, cousins etc. We'd lived here for three years but moved back to the UK in August 2010. We moved back to Australia in October 2010 - yes that's just eight weeks later...

I won't go into the whole long, miserable story here, you can probably find my original posts from then, I think I called them (imaginatively) Going Back...

I will say this though. If you do decide to come back to Aus you will probably meet with an awful lot of resistance from your family who will naturally be devastated that you're putting them through all this again. My mum (who has just arrived to stay with us for xmas) was completely beside herself that I'd brought her grandchildren home to her and then snatched them away again. It will be a real test of strength for you so be warned!

Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck!

 

Liz

 

Thanks so much Liz, it really helps to hear someone that has been in a similar situation. We're quite lucky that our family have been quite supportive as they can see how unhappy we are however I still can't help feeling so guilty putting them through it all again, makes things a lot worse now we have Cayson.

We have until July to make our decision due to visa restrictions so we do need to make it pretty quickly.

Thank you and we will keep you updated :-)

[kadina]

We went back as thought it best for the kids after having them they were toddlers when we returned we thought it better to grow up with family....as soon as we got off in the uk we thought what have we done....we could never settle and 4 years later we came back ...so glad we did but wish we'd stayed the first time things are very different for us this time around I personally loved it here the first time but moving back and forward somehow changed me ......you need to get the uk out of your system ...I don't regret going back it gave family an opportunity to see the grandkids again....but it was harder leaving the second time as they thought we were back for good I've known lots go back and regret it....I even had another family member ping pong too as they missed the shops in the uk good luck with your decision.....2 years wasn't long ....we was here for 9 years before we returned so it was a real wrench to go back you just have to go with what's right for you and your family

 

 

Hi Everyone' date=' so weve not posted in a long time but could really do with your help.

Cut a long story short we decided to come back to the UK after having our 1st baby and because mainly me (nat) was homesick. We enjoyed Adelaide so much prior to having our boy and was not homesick at all but as soon as we found out we were expecting our first child....omg the emotions were bad and i was soon reminising my childhood at home and missing the Uk in general.

So we came back to the UK in April this year... 3 weeks in we started to think whether we had made the right decision but was too scared to admit it. 7 months on and we are finding ourselves wanting to go back!

I am not looking for a debate on what countrys better. I would like any advise on how you get through homesickness, did we not give it enough time prehaps (2 years). Has anyone gone through the same scenrio ping ponged back and found they settled quicker or is a case of stay and adapt and ride through the roller coaster of emotions?

Thanks in advance. Appreciate your thoughts[/quote']

[Hughes'Roberts]

We went back as thought it best for the kids after having them they were toddlers when we returned we thought it better to grow up with family....as soon as we got off in the uk we thought what have we done....we could never settle and 4 years later we came back ...so glad we did but wish we'd stayed the first time things are very different for us this time around I personally loved it here the first time but moving back and forward somehow changed me ......you need to get the uk out of your system ...I don't regret going back it gave family an opportunity to see the grandkids again....but it was harder leaving the second time as they thought we were back for good I've known lots go back and regret it....I even had another family member ping pong too as they missed the shops in the uk good luck with your decision.....2 years wasn't long ....we was here for 9 years before we returned so it was a real wrench to go back you just have to go with what's right for you and your family

 

 

 

Thank you for sharing your experience. It will definitley be hard leaving again! Thats what I dread most. Your quite right we have to do whats right for our little family. Our son is 14 months now & I wouldnt say ive regretted coming back either as its been great for my family & friends to meet him properly but should of left it abit longer or comeback for a visit. I also missed the UK shops!! Its great that Next, Miss Selfridge, DP etc deliver to Australia so i overcame that one alittle. I also missed biscuits & i read on here the other day that coles or woolworths are starting to sell custard creams! Ha.

[John Browning]

must be very difficult with children, especially toddlers. ......Are your parents able to travel?

 

Always glad I didn't go back within the first four years, though. The first summer was the worst part, but it gradually became easier especially with the arrival of the i'Net and cheap international phone rates.

 

JB

[kadina]

We went back for two holidays with no intention of ever returning the holidays were nice too....even flew back when my son was 3 months old and had several visits from family over the 9 years...did anyone come over whilst you were here ? Its so much easier to keep in touch with Skype etc we had non of that the first time around ......one thing that has changed is the ppl coming to visit no mention of it at all think the novelties worn off for our family even though they are retired now....oh well that's what you get for living the other side of the world

 

 

Thank you for sharing your experience. It will definitley be hard leaving again! Thats what I dread most. Your quite right we have to do whats right for our little family. Our son is 14 months now & I wouldnt say ive regretted coming back either as its been great for my family & friends to meet him properly but should of left it abit longer or comeback for a visit. I also missed the UK shops!! Its great that Next' date=' Miss Selfridge, DP etc deliver to Australia so i overcame that one alittle. I also missed biscuits & i read on here the other day that coles or woolworths are starting to sell custard creams! Ha.[/quote']

[Hughes'Roberts]

We didnt have anybody come & visit. We had a few people saying they would come out but then changed there minds. I think they just liked the idea of it but had no intentions to come out or like you said the novelty wore off.

We only have a parent left each, my mum is very supportive. She would come over for a visit. My OHs father wouldnt visit, hes never been on a plane. Hes our main worry as hes in his late 70's although hes very fit. Hes very close to our son and isnt happy we are thinking of returning. Without going into too much hes not the most popular man in the OHs family. He also forgets he has 15 other grandchildren & acts as if our son is his only one. But i totally understand hes hurting.

Skype & facetime is brilliant. It definitely helps knowing we have this. My brothers in Thailand for 2 years and hoping to visit Australia next year so knowing this helps.

[kadina]

So when you thinking of returning ? What area did you live before ? See you have walkerville on your status...lovely area we lived there when we came the first time for a bit loved it there

 

 

 

We didnt have anybody come & visit. We had a few people saying they would come out but then changed there minds. I think they just liked the idea of it but had no intentions to come out or like you said the novelty wore off.

We only have a parent left each' date=' my mum is very supportive. She would come over for a visit. My OHs father wouldnt visit, hes never been on a plane. Hes our main worry as hes in his late 70's although hes very fit. Hes very close to our son and isnt happy we are thinking of returning. Without going into too much hes not the most popular man in the OHs family. He also forgets he has 15 other grandchildren & acts as if our son is his only one. But i totally understand hes hurting.

Skype & facetime is brilliant. It definitely helps knowing we have this. My brothers in Thailand for 2 years and hoping to visit Australia next year so knowing this helps.[/quote']

[Hughes'Roberts]

So when you thinking of returning ? What area did you live before ? See you have walkerville on your status...lovely area we lived there when we came the first time for a bit loved it there

 

Well... we have to return before July (due to PR visa expiry) but was thinking maybe March but not certain yet.

Yes we lived in Walkerville, such a beautufil surburb isnt it? Absolutely loved the parks, tree lined streets, cafes etc.

We also lived in West Lakes and loved that area too. I think we would have more options in West Lakes, Grange, Henley areas. All are lovely & have lots to offer. Where do you live?

[kadina]

In Port Noarlunga now so nowhere near there not my idea ? We were lucky as became citizens whilst here before so could take our time coming back

 

 

 

Well... we have to return before July (due to PR visa expiry) but was thinking maybe March but not certain yet.

Yes we lived in Walkerville' date=' such a beautufil surburb isnt it? Absolutely loved the parks, tree lined streets, cafes etc.

We also lived in West Lakes and loved that area too. I think we would have more options in West Lakes, Grange, Henley areas. All are lovely & have lots to offer. Where do you live?[/quote']

[Hughes'Roberts]

In Port Noarlunga now so nowhere near there not my idea ? We were lucky as became citizens whilst here before so could take our time coming back

 

That was good. Theres certainly pressure on us to make this decision!

We visited Port Noarlunga as we have some friends there, its a nice place. Are you settled there?

[kadina]

Im Australia yes and for now here but its not our forever location...we have many plans and areas we'd like to move

 

 

That was good. Theres certainly pressure on us to make this decision!

We visited Port Noarlunga as we have some friends there' date=' its a nice place. Are you settled there?[/quote']

Edited December 12, 2015 by NicF
Fixing quote

[Hughes'Roberts]

Lovely :-). Glad your settled. I really do hope the same for us

[Lazy Cow]

Has anyone gone through the same scenrio ping ponged back and found they settled quicker or is a case of stay and adapt and ride through the roller coaster of emotions?

 

I have no experience to offer, but I was wondering whether you'd posted on Poms in Oz too?

 

It's great that you've had replies from people who seem to have similar stories to your own, but PiO members might offer different advice, and I guess you're after as many ideas as poss.

 

Good luck!

 

LC

[Hughes'Roberts]

I have no experience to offer, but I was wondering whether you'd posted on Poms in Oz too?

 

It's great that you've had replies from people who seem to have similar stories to your own, but PiO members might offer different advice, and I guess you're after as many ideas as poss.

 

Good luck!

 

LC

 

No Ive not posted on PomsInOz. Good idea, thanks for mentioning it. :-)

[nikkinoodlesuk]

We've been her almost 7 yrs and still get pangs of homesickness. Don't think it ever goes away, although we know we are happy

here, still get the odd pull.

We go back every few years and always look forward to returning to Adelaide at the end of the holidays.

[Annievic]

Hi there I'm new to this site but this thread caught my eye as we are in the same position. How are you going on about your baby's visa?

[snifter]

Hi there I'm new to this site but this thread caught my eye as we are in the same position. How are you going on about your baby's visa?

 

If the baby is born in Aus with a parent or parents thst hold PR then they are Aus citizen by birth then iirc.

[Annievic]

Thanks snifter

what if he was born in uk but both parents are PR?

[snifter]

Thanks snifter

what if he was born in uk but both parents are PR?

 

Its a visa then afaik.

 

My understanding is a child born outside of Australia to parents with Aus PR does not acquire Aus citizenship. Its only if one of the parents is an Aus citizen (I don't know if that is only by birth or gained and X amount of time spent living in Aus etc). Only children born in Aus to those with PR gain citizenship automatically.

 

It looks like you need a subclass 101 child visa but you can easily see if there is another one you are meant to apply for.

 

https://www.border.gov.au/Trav/Life/Chil

[Hughes'Roberts]

If the baby is born in Aus with a parent or parents thst hold PR then they are Aus citizen by birth then iirc.

 

Yes Snifter is correct. Both my husband & I are Uk residents and have a PR Visa. Before we left Adelaide we obtained our sons Aussie citzenship and Passport which was pretty straightforward.