• Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
    Results 21 to 30 of 45
    Like Tree19Likes

    Thread: The Nightmare of having Friends Come to Stay!

    1. #21
      Quote Originally Posted by cazzie View Post
      I'm afraid that I would definitely have to ask someone to smoke outside as smoking indoors is incredibly selfish when there are kids around. As for not emptying her ashtray ...!
      My O/H and I are both smokers and I would have no qualms at all about asking or telling someone to smoke outside (done it with my F-I-L back home) thats the "rules" of our house. We don't smoke in the house so I sure as hell aren't going to let someone else
      cazzie likes this.

    2. #22
      Snape Family
      What an awful time you have had, it does appear your friend has been very insensitive to you and your family's needs.
      However, I wonder if your friend enjoyed it, or has she had problems (such as with the daughter) that you have not been aware of, so she has basically abdicated responsiblity whilst on holiday to 'get away from it'. Is she on her own bringing up the kids and therefore having discipline problems?
      Is she seeing you have the 'prefect life' with 'perfect husband and kids' and therefore feels she is owed some 'me time'. None of these are excuses but might explain some of her behaviour, or has she always been self-centred and selfish, sometimes it takes living with someone for a period of time to see the real person.

      We visited in Feb/Mar 08 and stayed with my OH sister & family, before arriving we made sure we booked the first weekend away to KI so they would have the first weekend after we arrived alone (break them in gently I say!). We were also lucky in that their eldest daughter had moved out to her own place around the corner so we slept there at night whilst our 2 boys stayed with Auntie and Uncle who they behaved for and respected.
      Whilst no rules were laid down we had arranged a hire car so we were independant of them, we bought half the beer (naturally), bought large volumes of meat for the barbeque, did bits of cleaning (though I felt this was a bit tricky as didn't want to imply they were dirty, as they certainly weren't) we paid for some meals out, though they insisted on splitting the bill. I am sure we didn't pay half for all food we ate or water/electricity used but we offered to. They often refused money for things saying it cost enough for us to get out there, so what we did was treat the children, the older one who had moved into her first home (which we were staying in) didn't have much in the way of furnishing so we gave her a gift card from one of the stores with some money on it. We also left some money for the other daughter for her birthday.

      The arrangment wasn't without problems but when they arose we spoke honestly about them and they were dealt with honestly.
      When we rang them to say we needed the activate our visas in October 08 and that it would be a shorter more work orientated visit and less of a holiday as we now needed to save like crazy they didn't hesitate, they understood the position we were in (2 visits to Oz in 8 months for a family of four was very expensive) and offered to put us up immediately. We, of course, paid our way again, and where possible kept out of the way, but they insisted on the whole family trip out to Flinders and we all had a great time.
      Our family were the perfect hosts and we tried to be the perfect guests, therefore when we arrive permanently we hope we will have the support we know we will need but give each other the respect and privacy we all require.


      PS loved the post about clip round the ear ala Basil Fawlty

    3. #23

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Sep 2006
      McLaren Flat, SA
      204 times
      I can soooo sympathise with your experience. We've had a few visitors come and stay with us and they all seem to take the piss so we have decided not to accepted any more visitors. You think the next lot will be different but they just turn out to be the same. DON'T DO IT!!

    4. #24

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Jan 2007
      from West Sussex to Woodcroft ........... 25 years and counting
      345 times
      My sister and I bitch, fight and argue so much when she comes over that she now books into the McLaren Vale Motel and hires a car and pretty much does her own thing. That suits me just fine.

    5. #25
      Fancy a Beer
      Quote Originally Posted by Django View Post
      I think you tried to hard. Did you really have to be a tour guide? I would have a list of places of interest and directions to get there and say 'off you go, have a good day'. It's their holiday.
      When we went to visit our friends in the USA they got on with their normal lives ie work, meeting friends, etc. We used their house as a base and did our own thing thing. Of course we went out as a group on the odd day but I wouldn't expect them to put their lives on hold to entertain us while we were there.
      As for ashtrays. If they want a fag then they can go outside either out front or out back whatever is down wind. When they have finished they can extinguish it and dispose of it in the bin.

      It your house and they have to follow your house rules. I reckon if the 'spoilt brat' stayed here for any period of time I think I may accidently catch them round the ear with my elbow when putting their meal on the table a la Basil Fawlty style. ;)


      Yeah think you are right we did try to hard, tried to make it all perfect and it didnt work!!

    6. #26

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      May 2008
      Western Suburbs
      830 times
      I had my in-laws from Adelaide come and stay with us in England for 2 and a half months once !!!

      I was dreading it, but we set out the ground rules at the start with the MIL as she tends to fuss and interfere a bit. The agreement was that I did all the cooking / housework etc (she's a hopeless cook) as long as she did all the ironing (I hate ironing). They contributed to the cost of food and paid for things whenever they could.

      It worked out really well and at the end of their stay I felt I'd got to know them a lot better and liked them a lot more too!
      Backpacked round Australia 1992. Married Australian husband in Adelaide 1994. Lived in Adelaide 1994-1997. Moved back to UK & lived in Essex/Herts 1997-2009. Returned to Adelaide November 2009. 2 kids dual nationality.

    7. #27
      Fancy a Beer
      Quote Originally Posted by rockpool crab View Post
      If the friendship is strong enough then I would suggest talking about it and airing your views. I know that's what I would have done. I wouldn't let a 17 year relationship go down the tubes because of politeness. I say tell her how you feel and see what happens if she doesn't realise she has been "selfish"..then yes...by all means..good riddance but I just wouldn't dismiss it as quickly as that.

      Maybe I'm more tolerant and willing to work through things though..each to their own ..we're all different at the end of day and it would be strange world if we weren't.

      I've had similar situations..a cousin who basically didn't do a hands turn..nor her kids..so what did I to..told her I was at work all day so would appreciate if she could at least make the dinner and then the days I was at home got all her kids doing stuff about the house. If they don't like it..tough..they don't come back..their loss.

      But that said I still talk to my cousin she's planning on coming over..I didn't take the quick route and dump her, could easily have..but didn't

      I missed that bit out of my original post, I did say something about her daughter and well was very diplomatic but it didnt go down well, huge row and left feeling sooooo uncomfortable in my own home!! Decided to bite our tongues after that!!

    8. #28
      Fancy a Beer
      Quote Originally Posted by passionate pom View Post
      Saying goodbye is always hard although maybe not in your case !!
      So would you have them back again ????

      Ermmmmm NO!!

    9. #29
      Life is full of learning and i feel you won't be bitten twice. Good luck with your next arrivals.

    10. #30
      Fancy a Beer
      Quote Originally Posted by tina&steve View Post
      My mother on the other hand was a right bitch and didn't speak to me for most of her stay not even our wedding day!!! So we were so glad when she cut her visit short but has told everyone we were horrible to her we waited on her hand and foot and all she did was moan and was very rude about everything. when we droped her off at the airport our son said thank god she's gone so even he noticed. Which was sad as I didn't want him to pick up on her feelings. Family back home knows she can be moody and sulks so have taken no notice but its still not nice that you have gone out your way for them and thats how they repay you and that the only payment we got from her, only thing she paid for while she was here was the trip to the cinema didnt even get a wedding present.

      Sounds like your Mum and Mine should be best mates, mine was exactly the same!! ;)


    Page 3 of 5 FirstFirst 12345 LastLast
    Copyright 2006 - 2015 Australia Migration Forums