Billy Connolly's take on the terrorists hitting

"Good old Glasgow. If I had to pick a city in the
world where I could depend on one of the locals to
kick a man who was on fire, it would always be
Glasgow. That really had to hurt - 90% burns and sore

I think we should get a photo of that guy KICKING A
FLAMING MAN, blow it up and make it the welcome sign
at Glasgow Airport. Underneath we should have the
words 'Glasgow Welcomes Careful Drivers'...

I love the naivety of al-Qaeda. For trying to bring a
religious war to Glasgow. You're 400 years too late
guys!! You've not even got a Football Team for Christ's
sake... I think that we should give Partick Thistle to
al-Qaeda. If only for the joy of hearing them read out
their team sheet on Saturday...

The Sun last week urged us all to respond to the
attack by flying the Union Jack. Really, in Glasgow
that's never been a great way of getting your
insurance premiums down...

If we play this whole terrorism thing right, we could
get al-Qaeda to blow up some of Scotland's eyesores. I
think we should definitely start putting signs up
round Shettleston's high flats that say 'Financial

For a while, confusion reigned at Glasgow airport. Was
it a terrorist attack or just Richard Hammond turning
up late for check-in?

People say it was lucky they didn't crash into a fuel
container. I say it's lucky they didn't hit the queue
coming out of Duty Free - the whole place would have
gone up like Hiroshima...

The best bit is being told that hundreds of people
were saved from being hideously burnt...these were
Scottish people flying to Spain! They'll come back
looking like they've been bungee jumping off the lip
of a volcano!"