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    Thread: Vodka Advice

    1. #1

      Vodka Advice


      A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
      So the next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon return to his office after mass, he found the following note on his door:

      1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
      2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
      3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
      4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
      5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
      6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
      7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior, and the Spook.
      8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the s**t out of him.
      9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
      10. We do not refer to the cross as the Big T!
      11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it, for it is my body", he did not say, "Eat me."
      12. The Virgin Mary is not referred to as the, "Mary with the Cherry".
      13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: "Rub-A-dub-dub, thanks for the grub, yeah God". and finally... 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy-pulling contest at St.Peter's, not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.


    2. #2
      Lea is offline

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Aug 2006
      Onkaparinga Hills
      61 times


    3. #3

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Nov 2006
      Hallett Cove, Adelaide
      578 times
      After visiting churh this morning....for our banns....this is hilarious....!

      I would love to hear our priest do a service like that!!

      Dan and Steph
      If you wanna a beer....PM me

      Daniel, 31 and Stephanie, 30, Arrived 30th April 2008 and LOVING IT!!!

    4. #4
      Would definitely brighten up the services!


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