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    1. #1

      Talking buying swimsuits

      Spotted this &had to share it! Its so true!

      THE JOYS OF SWIMSUIT PURCHASES (For the Mature Ladies)

      This is a true story written by a woman in England to her friend after a
      swimsuit shopping expedition.

      I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation
      known as buying a bathing suit.

      When I was a child in the 1950's, the bathing suit for a woman with a mature
      figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure. Boned, trussed and
      reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back
      and uplift and they did a good job.

      Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a
      figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice; she can
      either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a
      skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's
      Fantasia - or she can wander around every run-of the-mill department store
      trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of
      fluorescent rubber bands.

      What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and
      entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I
      noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material.

      The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed I believe, by NASA to
      launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if
      you mange to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark
      attacks. The reason for this is that any shark taking a swipe at your
      passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash!

      I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap
      in place, I gasped in horror - my bosom had disappeared!

      Eventually, I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a
      while to find the other. At last I located it, flattened beside my seventh

      The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman
      is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump! I
      realigned my speed hump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view
      assessment. The bathing suit fitted all right, but unfortunately, it only
      fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it!

      The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked
      like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap. As I tried to work
      out where all those extra bits had come from, the pre-pubescent sales girl
      popped her head through the curtains. "Oh there you are!" she said,
      admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what
      else she had to show me.

      I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking
      tape, and a floral two-piece which gave the appearance of an oversized
      napkin in a serviette ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers
      with ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane pregnant with
      triplets and having a rough day.

      I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in
      mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg, I thought
      I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them!

      Finally, I found a suit that fitted - a two-piece affair with a shorts-style
      bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and
      bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had had a successful

      When I got home, I found a label that said, "Material will become
      transparent in water."

    2. #2
      LOL that was sooo funny!


    3. #3
      I was listening to the radioe about a week ago and they were talking about a fassion show that one disigner had shown a bikini that contained some sort of recargable batery within thematirial so girls can re charge their I pods at the beach. It apparently bear the ledgened DO NOT GET WET

    4. #4

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Aug 2007
      Port Noarlunga
      134 times
      That was really funny!!

      I started laughing that much my Husband thought Eddie Murphy had entered the room!!!

      Good to have a giggle for a change instead of all the serious aspects of our daunting wait!
      Cornelia (41), Andy (42!!), Ally (16) & Wee Andi (12) x


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