buying swimsuits

[Guest kendra]

Spotted this &had to share it! Its so true!

 

THE JOYS OF SWIMSUIT PURCHASES (For the Mature Ladies)

 

This is a true story written by a woman in England to her friend after a

swimsuit shopping expedition.

 

I have just been through the annual pilgrimage of torture and humiliation

known as buying a bathing suit.

 

When I was a child in the 1950's, the bathing suit for a woman with a mature

figure was designed for a woman with a mature figure. Boned, trussed and

reinforced, not so much sewn as engineered. They were built to hold back

and uplift and they did a good job.

 

Today's stretch fabrics are designed for the pre-pubescent girl with a

figure carved from a potato chip. The mature woman has a choice; she can

either front up at the maternity department and try on a floral suit with a

skirt, coming away looking like a hippopotamus who escaped from Disney's

Fantasia - or she can wander around every run-of the-mill department store

trying to make a sensible choice from what amounts to a designer range of

fluorescent rubber bands.

 

What choice did I have? I wandered around, made my sensible choice and

entered the chamber of horrors known as the fitting room. The first thing I

noticed was the extraordinary tensile strength of the stretch material.

 

The Lycra used in bathing costumes was developed I believe, by NASA to

launch small rockets from a slingshot, which gives the added bonus that if

you mange to actually lever yourself into one, you are protected from shark

attacks. The reason for this is that any shark taking a swipe at your

passing midriff would immediately suffer whiplash!

 

I fought my way into the bathing suit, but as I twanged the shoulder strap

in place, I gasped in horror - my bosom had disappeared!

 

Eventually, I found one bosom cowering under my left armpit. It took a

while to find the other. At last I located it, flattened beside my seventh

rib.

 

The problem is that modern bathing suits have no bra cups. The mature woman

is meant to wear her bosom spread across her chest like a speed hump! I

realigned my speed hump and lurched toward the mirror to take a full view

assessment. The bathing suit fitted all right, but unfortunately, it only

fitted those bits of me willing to stay inside it!

 

The rest of me oozed out rebelliously from top, bottom and sides. I looked

like a lump of play dough wearing undersized cling wrap. As I tried to work

out where all those extra bits had come from, the pre-pubescent sales girl

popped her head through the curtains. "Oh there you are!" she said,

admiring the bathing suit. I replied that I wasn't so sure and asked what

else she had to show me.

 

I tried on a cream crinkled one that made me look like a lump of masking

tape, and a floral two-piece which gave the appearance of an oversized

napkin in a serviette ring. I struggled into a pair of leopard skin bathers

with ragged frill and came out looking like Tarzan's Jane pregnant with

triplets and having a rough day.

 

I tried on a black number with a midriff and looked like a jellyfish in

mourning. I tried on a bright pink pair with such a high cut leg, I thought

I would have to wax my eyebrows to wear them!

 

Finally, I found a suit that fitted - a two-piece affair with a shorts-style

bottom and a loose blouse-type top. It was cheap, comfortable, and

bulge-friendly, so I bought it. My ridiculous search had had a successful

outcome.

 

When I got home, I found a label that said, "Material will become

transparent in water."

 

[Guest nikkiandlee]

LOL that was sooo funny!

 

nikki

x

[Guest ali@51]

I was listening to the radioe about a week ago and they were talking about a fassion show that one disigner had shown a bikini that contained some sort of recargable batery within thematirial so girls can re charge their I pods at the beach. It apparently bear the ledgened DO NOT GET WET:swoon:

[cormcvcr]

That was really funny!!

 

I started laughing that much my Husband thought Eddie Murphy had entered the room!!!

 

Good to have a giggle for a change instead of all the serious aspects of our daunting wait!