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    1. #1

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Dec 2006
      Reynella East, SA
      181 times

      Sorry but I need some help...

      Hi guys

      This is particularly addressed to those who have been here for quite a while and have maybe gone through this but quite honestly any suggestions are welcome.

      I am struggling, really struggling. I feel low, and it isn't that Australia isn't pretty and nice etc, it is just that I don't feel anything for it. I don't like it, I don't dislike it, I don't feel anything. And that makes me feel ridiculous.

      For the first few weeks after we got here, there was so much to do, it was all a bit of a whirlwind. Find out where our money had gone, get that, shop, find rental, sort licence, sort schools, sort food etc etc etc. And to begin with it was like a very nice holiday but now over more recent weeks, it is getting harder to maintain the positive thoughts. I can feel myself start to withdraw and I am fighting that for all it is worth but don't know what to say when people tell me 'Oz is great'. Oz probably is great, if you want to be here but for me it has never been my dream, it has always been my husband's. I wanted to get the kids somewhere so they could have a more outdoors based lifestyle and they certainly have that here but I could be living anywhere.

      A lady I work with (till the end of this week when the job finishes) who migrated 20+ years ago told me it took her 15 years to feel like Oz was home. Fifteen years! I feel like I have been cheated when everything I have done for more than 11 years has been focused on getting to Oz.

      I am trying to stay positive, and I feel sure that the fact I am tired after a stressful term teaching has more than contributed to these feelings but basically, I wondered if anyone had gone through something similar and if they had any pearls of wisdom for how to get through this.

      I am not about to leave Australia but what I do need is a way to enjoy it. This may not be making a great deal of sense, and it is so embarassing to feel this way when I have tried to be positive for my family and others. I had never expected to feel this way but hey, things bite you on the nose when you don't expect it.

      I thought the first year would be hard, but for the kids, not me. I knew the husband would be like a dog with 2 tails and he is. Australia is everything he had hoped for and far far more, he is ecstatic everywhere we go (except with drivers) and that makes me feel so guilty as I know he wants me to enjoy it as much as he does too and I don't.

      Sorry I am rambling. I'll shut up now.

      Thanks for reading.

      Libby xx

    2. #2
      Hi Libby, i'm feeling for you and i think that everyone will go through ups and downs at some point. When i was there,(many moons ago) i thought it was wonderful. everything was new and exciting .. then came xmas.... i was walking past some fancy hotel and on the distance in the gardens was a lone piper playing his heart out , now any scotsman at that moment would have done as i did and bawled my eyes out. After he finished the man walked across the grass toward me to pack his pipes away into his car, as he came closer he saw me and said "aye aye min" (thats hello mate) and i just laughed sayin "fit like" ( thats how are you where i come from ) well that was it for us, he was from Huntly (20 mins down the road from me) and had been there for 20 years. I was the first person in all that time who had answered him back in his own tounge, but was no way intending coming back here just for nostalgia.he had come back home for a holiday years before and had forgotten what a down trodden race we had become , that and the longest winters anywhere in the world. Maybe you should stick it out for a year or two, save for a holiday here and come back for a month in the winter, perhaps you may feel different again? just a suggestion! anyway chin up Libby if we get our visa we'll come round and you can get it all off your chest over a glass..( bottle) of english wine!!! All the best Stu.;)

    3. #3

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Mar 2007
      Woodcroft, SA
      410 times
      Libby, I've lost your number (again!) so I've pm'd you. xxxxx

    4. #4
      hi libby,
      i really feel for you, it must be so difficult feeling indifferent to australia when the rest of your family are so enthused about it. i have not moved over yet, and will be coming alone when i do so i am not in the same position as you. but i do think your feelings are something that anyone could experience, whether or not the initial australia idea was yours.
      it sounds like you have been trying to be really supportive of your family while they settle in, which i bet has really helped them. have you been able to think of things that you would like to get from australia? i think sometimes if your feelings are set in contrast to those around you, it can make you feel even less enthused about a place. maybe if you had some time exploring a bit without your family you could look for the bits that you really like? it can really take a while i think to set up a network somewhere new. i moved from north to south london last year which is obviously a little less far (;)) but i was surprised how long it took me to establish a new mini network of friends down here. i know i will really miss my friends when i get there, all the usual faces to catch up and let off steam with are not there. but as time goes on new faces become old... do you feel like you have an external support network apart from your family?
      that it took 15 years for someone to feel at home in oz doesnt mean it would take you that. there is a chance it will never feel like your home, but just as possibly you will and it will take you less than that time- we are all different and that is ok.
      i wish you all the best with it

    5. #5

      Join Date
      Sep 2007
      from kent now living in wynn vale
      1 times
      hi libby,not the news you would prob have off wanted, but just to you let you know you are not alone feeling like you do.
      we have been here six months and thinking back to what we had (wife didnt have to work,two cars ,nice house the hols etc) what more was i expecting in oz.
      Im glad we have made the move as i prob would have always thought the other side is always greener and like anywhere in the world i think life is what you make it.
      we are giving it a year then will go back to uk for a holiday to see how it feels and who knows might be desperate to get back out here in the sunshine.
      like me libby and prob a few others try not to keep thinking of the good things back home and as time goes on (so i have been told)it will get easier.take care,ken.

    6. #6
      Hi Libby

      I really feel for you right now .... we were both so behind this move that I cannot imagine what life would be like if one of us was not 100% about it all.

      However, once the million and one tasks have been achieved here with setting up a new life, reality takes over and life does become a bit routine based again. We have been here 15 months now and love it but then I have days when I wonder, but think that is perfectly normal. Australia for us has some much to offer and we simply love that.

      I never thought I would come over here and start working again and find something which fits around my 4 and 2 year old girls, but I have and I love that. I have also found a great hobby (not done much of that because of work, but it is still there) so I do get a bit of me time. But it is important to not just be the backbone of your family Libby - and find out "what's in it for you?"

      I have PMed you because I don't want to get all sentimental publically!

      I will close with, what you are going through is a cold, hard fact of emigrating and we will all be there at some point to some varying degree ....

      All the best for now


    7. #7
      Hi Libby,

      I just wanted to send you my best wishes. You have just aired something I have been worrying about too. I think some of what you are feeling must be to do with feeling like a fish out of water. When you grow up somewhere even if its not that great everyday things are just sort of part of you, you regognise faces on the news and in the papers. you know the place you live like the back of your hand, but also could point out places a hundred miles away that you have never been to on a map and say something vaguely intelligent about them.You automatically know the required response when someone in the que at the supermarket says "what about that.... footie team....polititian....soap star..." When you go to the other side of the word you lose all that in the blink of an eye.

      What I'm trying to say in a very long winded way:embarrassed:, is you mustn't beat yourself for feeling this way. As for advice on how long it may last or what you should do I'm really not qualified to say, but i really hope you find a way through it, good luck.......I'll shut up now.


    8. #8

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Feb 2007
      Noarlunga Downs, Adelaide
      167 times
      Hi Libby, seeing as we are still here in the uk i would not even try to offer advice on how you feel, but all i would like to say is that to at least come out and be honest about how you feel i admire a great deal and iam sure just doing this might give some other members a chance to help you on this rocky path.
      Feeling embarassed you most definitely should not and maybe there are alot more people feeling just like you do right now, but they are just not able to admit it. Good luck Libby and i hope things turn the corner soon . Graham & Jacqui

    9. #9
      HI libby,

      I can't add anything to what others have said, I am concerned I will have issues with moving so far (we are still in the UK so not really able to offer any advice).
      I hope you find piece of mind soon! Maybe you could talk to your husband about your feelings instead of putting them to one side, he may be able to give you the support you need?!

      Good luck


    10. #10
      With out trying to throw a spanner in the works here...I think there are sooooo many posts about how people are "living it and lovin it" that from the UK it must sound like some kind of utopia or fantastic wonderland to live in, where there is no crime, nothing bad ever happens, I could go on...Because of this, some people might expect this and when they get here and the rush ends and they get down to normal life, shopping, cleaning, cooking, kids to school etc they realise it is just the same but in a shinnier bucket, which is my fav saying "same sh1t shinny bucket".
      I'm not saying you were like this from the UK Libby, as I dont know you personally, it is just an observation I have made based on the amount of varied people I have met.
      I think some people come with high expectations and when they realise it is not what they thought, thats when the rot sets in.
      Reading your post, it could be a number of reasons for you, you werent totally behind the move, maybe thats why. Hopefully to make you feel better, I have a friend who has been here almost 2 years, in the first 6 months, she was a state, she went back to UK for a visit and could not wiat to come home, she said she remembered all the reasons she left for after 3 days of being there.
      Reading my posts, people must think I am not happy here. I am, would not go back to the UK if you paid me, (unless a large amount! then I could come back) But to say I am loving it to me me is a bit of a strong statement, but I am very happy here. I guess I would say I would love living somewhere if I lived on a sunny sandy Island with a boat, jetski blah blah blah, but I dont, and would probably get bored after a while. So for the mean time i will say I like living in Aus much more than I did in the UK.
      Libby, good luck, I think these feelings will pass. Maybe a trip back, just to see.


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