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    1. #1

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Jun 2007
      Hallett Cove, Adelaide
      160 times

      Joke of the day!

      Duck walks into a pub and orders a pint of beer and a ham

      The barman looks at him and says, "But you're a duck".

      "I see your eyes are working", replies the duck.

      "And you talk!" exclaims the barman.

      "I see your ears are working", says the duck,

      "Now can I have my beer and my sandwich please?"

      "Certainly", says the barman, "sorry about that, it's just we
      don't get many ducks in this pub. What are you doing round this way?".

      "I'm working on the building site across the road", explains the

      Then the duck drinks his beer, eats his sandwich and leaves.

      This continues for 2 weeks. Then one day the circus comes to town.

      The Ringleader of the circus comes into the pub and the barman says to him, "You're with the circus aren't you?, I know this duck that would be just brilliant in your circus, he talks, drinks beer and everything!".
      "Sounds marvellous", says the ringleader, "get him to give me a call"
      So the next day when the duck comes into the pub the barman says, "Hey Mr Duck, I reckon I can line you up with a top job, paying really good money!"

      "Yeah?", says the duck, "Sounds great, where is it?"

      "At the circus", says the barman.

      "Thecircus?" the duck enquires.

      "That's right", replies the barman.

      "The circus?" the duck asks again.

      "Yes" says the barman

      "That place with the big tent?" the duck enquires.

      "Yeah" the barman replies.

      "With all the animals?" the duck questioned.

      "Of Course" the barman replies.

      "With the big canvas roof with the hole in the middle", asks the


      "That's right!" says the barman.

      The duck looks confused.
      # "What the ......... would they want with a plasterer?

    2. #2
      hehe very good

      reminded me of one of my favourites -

      A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman "Can I have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie"
      The barman is amazed but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie.The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie, he then leaves.
      The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie.
      The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers in the pub (because word gets round) gives the rabbit the pint and the toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
      The next night, the pub is packed, in walks the rabbit and says "A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman" The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
      The next night there is standing room only in the pub, coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending, the barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year.
      In walks the rabbit and says, "A Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman", smiling and accepting the tributes of the masses. The barman says, "I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties" The rabbit looks aghast, the crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, "We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie" The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, "Are you sure I will like it"? The masses bated breath is ear shatteringly silent. The barman, with a roguish smile says, "Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends, I know you'll love it"
      "Ok" says the rabbit," I'll have a Pint of Beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie" The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie, he then waves to the crowd and leaves. NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!

      One year later in the now impoverished public house, the barman (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his) calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, "Who are you" To which he is answered,"I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house"
      The barman
      says "I remember you, you made me famous, you would come in every night and have a Pint of Beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, masses came to see you and this place was famous" The rabbit says, "Yes I know" The barman said, "I remember on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties, you had a Cheese and Onion one instead" The rabbit said "Yes, you promised me that I would love it" The barman said "You never came back, after that fateful night, what happened" "I DIED", said the Rabbit. "Blimey " said the barman,"what from".

      After a short pause.

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      > > The rabbit said... "Mixing me toasties "


    3. #3


      A woman sitting in an Adelaide restaurant suddenly began to cough.
      > > >>After a few seconds it became apparent that she was in real
      > distress,
      > >and
      > > >>two locals, Kenny and Brian sitting at the next table turned to look
      > at
      > > >>her.
      > > >>
      > > >>
      > > >>"Kin ya swaller?" asked Kenny
      > > >>
      > > >>The woman signalled 'No!', desperately shaking her head.
      > > >>
      > > >>"Kin ya breathe?" asked Brian. The woman shook her head, No!!!
      > > >>
      > > >> With that, Kenny walked behind her, lifted up the back of her
      > dress,
      > > >>yanked down her knickers and ran his tongue up and down the crack of
      > her
      > > >>arse.
      > > >>This shocked the woman into such a violent spasm that the
      > obstruction
      > >flew
      > >
      > > >>out of her mouth and she began to breathe again.
      > > >>
      > > >>Kenny swaggered back to his table and took a deep swig of his beer.
      > > >>
      > > >>Brian said in admiration "Ya know Kenny, I'd heard about that bloody
      > >Hind
      > > >>Lick Manoeuvre, ...... but that's the first time I ever seen
      > somebody do
      > > >>it."


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