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    Thread: Ashes Joke....

    1. #1

      Retired Member
      Join Date
      Dec 2009
      1362 times

      Ashes Joke....

      The two captains tossed the coin on
      Boxing Day for the start of the fourth
      test match in Melbourne.

      Andrew Strauss called correctly and
      said to Ricky Ponting "You can bat".

      Ponting replied "No, I can't. I really

      Two Englishmen were discussing the
      "drop in" pitch at Melbourne.

      One said to the other "A drop-in pitch?
      I know what that is.

      It's where the Australian batsmen drop
      in for a few moments and then get

      What was the most proficient legwork
      displayed by the Australian batsmen in
      the fourth test match?

      The walk back to the pavilion!

      An Australian judge asked a little girl
      "Now that your parents are getting
      divorced, do you want to live with your

      The little girl replied "No, my mummy
      beats me."

      The judge said "Well then, I guess you
      want to live with your daddy."

      The little girl responded "No, my daddy
      beats me too."

      The judge said "Well then, who do you
      want to live with?"

      The little girl replied "I want to live
      with the Australian cricket team as
      they never beat anybody".

      What does Ricky Ponting put in his
      hands to make sure that the next ball
      almost always takes a wicket?

      A bat.

      As Ricky Ponting passed the man in the
      white coat, he poked him in the chest
      and said "That was never LBW mate. You
      need glasses."

      The man in the white coat replied "So
      do you mate. I'm selling ice-cream."

      Two Australian cricketers died and went
      to heaven.

      At the pearly gates St. Peter said
      "Anyone who has ever cheated or
      appealed without reason or sledged a
      batsman or assaulted an umpire, step
      forward and ask for forgiveness."

      Shane Warne stepped forward and asked
      for forgiveness.

      St. Peter said "Come on in, and bring
      that deaf bastard Ricky Ponting with

      What do you call it when Ricky Ponting
      hits Jimmy Anderson over square leg for

      The worst attempted straight drive
      you've ever seen!

      Mrs. Ponting phoned the Australian
      dressing room during the fourth test
      match to remind her husband to pick up
      two pints of milk on the way home.

      Someone picked up the phone and said

      Mrs. Ponting said "Can I speak to Ricky

      "I'm sorry" came the reply. "He's
      batting right now".

      "OK" said Mrs. Ponting. "I'll hold".

      It was Boxing Day and an Aussie was
      pacing up and down at home while his
      wife was in hospital giving birth.

      The phone rang. "This is the hospital,
      sir. Your wife has given birth to
      twins. However, there are more on the

      The bloke put the phone down and drank
      a tube of Fosters.

      The phone rang again. "This is the
      hospital, sir. Your wife has had
      another little boy but there are still
      more on the way".

      The bloke put the phone down and drank
      three more tubes of Fosters and by now
      he was totally drunk.

      He picked up the phone to ring the
      hospital to find out if his wife had
      had any more babies but by mistake, he
      rang the Melbourne Cricket Ground.

      When the phone was answered the bloke
      asked "What's the latest?"

      The reply came "98 all out, and the
      last one was a duck!"

      And finally

      Ricky Ponting went to his doctor and
      said "I've got a cricket ball stuck up
      my arse".

      The doctor replied "How's that?"

      Ponting replied "Don't you start".


    2. #2
      Apparently Ricky Ponting has taken up ironing
      It's only way he gets to stay near a crease!


    3. #3

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Apr 2007
      Was Walsall now Redwood Park NE Adelaide
      97 times
      What do you call an Aussie thats good with a bat?

      A vet

    4. #4

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Jun 2008
      Highbury, SA
      4221 times
      Sometimes the grass will appear greener on the other side because it has been fertilised by bull****



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