Teacher: "Good morning children, today is Thursday, so we're going to have
>>a general knowledge quiz. The pupil who gets the answer right can have
>>Friday and Monday off and not come back to school until Tuesday."
>>Wee Jock thinks, "Ya dancer. Ah'm pure dead brilliant at ma general
>>knowledge stuff. This is gonnae be a dawdle, come on ya radge, a lang
>>weekend fir me."
>>Teacher: "Right class, who can tell me who said. "Don't ask what your
>>country can do for you, but what you can do for your country?"
>>Wee Jock shoots up his hand, waving furiously in the air.
>>Instead however, teacher looks round & picks Richard at the front.
>>Richard (in a very English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is J F Kennedy -
>>inauguration speech 1960.
>>"Teacher: "Very good Richard. You may stay off Friday and Monday and we
>>will see you back in class on Tuesday.
>>The next Thursday comes around, and Wee Jock is even more determined.
>>Teacher: "Who said. 'We will fight them on the beaches, we will fight them
>>in the air, we will fight them at sea. But we will never surrender?"
>>Wee Jock's hand shoots up, arm stiff as a board, shouting "I know. I know.
>>Me Miss, me Miss "
>>Teacher looking round and picks Timothy, sitting at the front:
>>Timothy (In a very, very posh, English accent): "Yes miss, the answer is
>>Winston Churchill, 1941 Battle of Britain speech."
>>Teacher: "Very good Timothy , you may stay off Friday and Monday and come
>>back to class on Tuesday."
>>The following Thursday comes around and Wee Jock is hyper, he's been
>>studying encyclopaedias all week and he's ready for anything that comes.
>>He's coiled in his wee chair, slavers dripping in anticipation.
>>Teacher: "Who said One small step for man, one giant leap for mankind?"
>>Wee Jock's arm shoots straight in the air, he's standing on his seat,
>>jumping up and down screaming "Me miss. Me miss. I know, I know.
Me Miss, me miss, meeeeee"
>>Teacher looking round the class picks Rupert, sitting at the front.
>>Rupert (In a frightfully, frightfully,ever so plummy English
>>"Yes miss, that was Neil Armstrong 1969, The first moon landing."
>>Teacher: "Very good Rupert. You may stay off Friday and Monday and come
>>back into class on Tuesday."
>>At which point Wee Jock loses the plot altogether, he tips his desk and
>>throws his wee chair at the wall. He starts screaming "Where the f *ck did
>>all these English ba**ards come from?"
>>Teacher looking round the class, angrily: "Who said that"?!!
>>Wee Jock grabs his coat and heads for the exit, "Bonnie Prince Charlie,
>>Culloden, 1746. See yeh on Tuesday ya old cow!."