Job application of a 75 year old - Funnnny!

[Guest Roo1]

This is an actual job application that a 75-year-old

>>pensioner

>> submitted to B&Q in Tunbridge Wells.

>>

>>

>>

>> They hired him because he was so funny..

>>

>>

>>

>> NAME:

>>

>> Kenneth Way (AKA Grumpy Bastard)

>>

>>

>>

>> SEX:

>>

>> Not lately, but I am looking for the right woman (or at

>> least one who will cooperate)

>>

>>

>>

>> DESIRED POSITION:

>>

>> Company's Chief Executive or Managing Director. But

>> seriously, whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I

>> wouldn't be applying in the first place - would I?

>>

>>

>>

>> DESIRED SALARY:

>>

>> £150,000 a year plus share options and a Tony Blair style

>> redundancy package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we can

>> haggle.

>>

>>

>>

>> EDUCATION:

>>

>> Yes.

>>

>>

>>

>> LAST POSITION HELD:

>>

>> Target for middle management hostility.

>>

>>

>>

>> PREVIOUS SALARY:

>>

>> A lot less than I'm worth.

>>

>>

>>

>> MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT:

>>

>> My incredible collection of stolen pens and post-it notes.

>>

>>

>>

>> REASON FOR LEAVING:

>>

>> It was a crap job.

>>

>>

>>

>> HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK:

>>

>> Any.

>>

>>

>>

>> PREFERRED HOURS:

>>

>> 1:30-3:30 p.m. Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.

>>

>>

>>

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?:

>>

>> Yes, but they're better suited to a more intimate

>> environment.

>>

>>

>>

>> MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?:

>>

>> If I had one, would I be here?

>>

>>

>>

>> DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU

>> FROM LIFTING UP TO 50 lbs.?:

>>

>> Of what?

>>

>>

>>

>> DO YOU HAVE A CAR?:

>>

>> I think the more appropriate question here would be "Do you

>> have a car that runs?"

>>

>>

>>

>> HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?:

>>

>> I may already be a winner of the Reader's Digest Timeshare Free

>> Holiday Offer, so they tell me.

>>

>>

>>

>> DO YOU SMOKE?:

>>

>> On the job - no! On my breaks - yes!

>>

>>

>>

>> WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:

>>

>> Living in the Bahamas with a fabulously wealthy Swedish

>> supermodel with big tits and who thinks I'm the greatest thing since

>> sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing that now.

>>

>>

>>

>> NEAREST RELATIVE?:

>>

>> 7 miles

>>

>>

>>

>> DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE

>> BEST OF

>> YOUR KNOWLEDGE?:

>>

>>

>>

>> Oh yes, absolutely.

>>

[Guest bookworm64]

brilliant! LOL