• Results 1 to 6 of 6
    1. #1

      Join Date
      Jan 2007
      4457 times

      Rules for dating my daughter.

      Rule One:
      If you pull into my driveway and honk you'd better be delivering a
      package, because you're sure not picking anything up.

      Rule Two:
      You do not touch my daughter in front of me. You may glance at her, so
      long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. If you cannot keep
      your eyes or hands off of my daughter's body, I will remove them.

      Rule Three:
      I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to
      wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off
      their hips. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of
      your friends are complete idiots. Still, I want to be fair and open
      minded about this issue, so I propose his compromise: You may come to
      the door with your underwear showing and your pants ten sizes too big,
      and I will not object. However, in order to ensure that your clothes
      do not, in fact, come off during the course of your date with my
      daughter, I will take my electric nail gun and fasten your trousers
      securely in place to your waist.

      Rule Four:
      I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilising
      a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. Let me elaborate, when
      it comes to sex, I am the barrier, and I will kill you.

      Rule Five:
      It is usually understood that in order for us to get to know each
      other, we should talk about sports, politics, and other issues of the
      day. Please do not do this. The only information I require from you is
      an indication of when you expect to have my daughter safely back at my
      house, and the only word I need from you on this subject is "early."

      Rule Six:
      I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to
      date other girls. This is fine with me as long as it is ok with my
      daughter. Otherwise, once you have gone out with my little girl, you
      will continue to date no one but her until she is finished with you.
      If you make her cry, I will make you cry.

      Rule Seven:
      As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear,
      and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. If you want to
      be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. My daughter is
      putting on her makeup, a process that can take longer than painting
      the Forth Road Bridge. Instead of just standing there, why don't you
      do something useful, like changing the oil in my car?

      Rule Eight:
      The following places are not appropriate for a date with my daughter:
      Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden
      stool. Places where there are no parents, policemen, or nuns within
      eyesight. Places where there is darkness. Places where there is
      dancing, holding hands, or happiness. Places where the ambient
      temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank
      tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater,
      and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. Movies with a strong
      romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features
      chain saws are ok. Football matches are ok. Old folks homes are

      Rule Nine:
      Do not lie to me. I may appear to be a pot-bellied, balding, middle-
      aged, dim-witted has-been. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am
      the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If I ask you where
      you are going and with whom, you have one chance to tell me the truth,
      the whole truth and nothing but the truth. I have a shotgun, a shovel,
      and five acres behind the house. Do not trifle with me.

      Rule Ten:
      Be afraid. Be very afraid. It takes very little for me to mistake the
      sound of your car in the driveway for a Chinook coming in over the
      Helman province. When my post traumatic stress starts acting up, the
      voices in my head frequently tell me to clean the guns as I wait for
      you to bring my daughter home. As soon as you pull into the driveway
      you should exit your car with both hands in plain sight. Speak the
      perimeter password, announce in a clear voice that you have brought my
      daughter home safely and early, then return to your car - there is no
      need for you to come inside. The camouflaged face at the window is

      Rule Eleven ( added by Tyke)

      Within your earshot I often mention the "Yorkshire mafia",you have no idea what it is but look worried when I mention it .( coming from someone with an 18 year old daughter)

    2. #2

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Aug 2007
      Port Noarlunga
      134 times
      Loved it, but I'm not going to show this to my OH, he already has some ideas of his own and don't want anymore to be added to them. We only have a temporary visa and would pretty much like to be able to
      Cornelia (41), Andy (42!!), Ally (16) & Wee Andi (12) x

    3. #3
      Very funny, but I don't see your problem==== said the woman with 4 SONS

    4. #4
      Hmmmm why can I see this framed and situated in a prominent place in the hall in the next few years:p

    5. #5

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      May 2007
      Hallett Cove
      62 times
      funnily enough oh and i made a joke about this topic only a few days ago!!!

      and our daughter is just 2 years old

    6. #6
      Leanne & Mark
      Mark goes with the Bad Boys 2 approach, Bottle of whiskey in 1 hand, Gun in the other!, flashing the cop badge (or paras tatoo in marks case) ....amd same here mozzy our daughters only 2!! Poor child.


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