09-08-2013, 06:37 AM #101
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
09-08-2013, 08:42 AM #102
Yorkshire farmer sat in a pub looking downcast (more than normal anyway) when the barman comes over and asks "watsup...?"
"Got to get a new donkey....ungrateful animal"
"Cos I have spent months teaching it to eat nowt and the buggers gone a died on me"
22-08-2013, 11:42 PM #103
It's Friday so lets have a little fun.......................What is a mainland Aussie blokes idea of fore play?.......... a slap on the ar$# and saying "hey darl' you awake".....
What is a Tasmanian blokes idea of foreplay?.......... a slap on the ar$# and saying "hey mum you awake"
22-08-2013, 11:45 PM #104
Ladies, do you want to know how to get a man to wash his hands after he has been to the toilet?........................................... .................................................
22-08-2013, 11:59 PM #105
The train from Birmingham to London Wembly carrying West Brom fans is fully booked!BBR4ihXCcAAOWCZ.jpg
23-08-2013, 06:52 AM #106
23-08-2013, 09:44 AM #107
There was a cruise ship that was going through some rough waters that ended up sinking just off the coast of a small abandoned island.
There where only 3 survivors, 2 guys and a girl.
They lived there for a couple of years doing what was natural for men and women.
After several years of intimacy all the time, the girl felt really bad about what she had been doing. She felt having relations with both guys was so bad that she killed herself.
It was very tragic but the two guys managed to get through it.
Well, time went by and of course the guys still had their 'needs'. But after a couple of years they began to feel absolutely horrible about what they were doing.
So... they buried her.
26-08-2013, 11:15 AM #108
A guy is marooned on a deserted island, after many years a Blonde beauty in her wet suit swims ashore and greets him, she undo's a zipper on a suit and pulls out a can of beer and gives it to him, she then undo's another zipper and pulls out a packet of chocolates for him, she then undo's another zipper and pulls out a burger, the guy is overwhelmed with delight, the blonde beauty says to him "it must have being very lonely for you" and as she starts to undo another zipper says "would you like to play around?" gee says the guy, have you got a set of golf clubs in there too?
27-09-2013, 12:29 AM #109
Well it's Friday again, time to lighten-up for the weekend . so I have a couple of stories with morals!........................................... ...........................
1) A turkey was chatting with a bull and says "I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree" sighed thr Turkey "but I haven't got the energy", "well why don't you nibble on some of my droppings, it's full of nutrients" replied the bull. So the turkey pecked at a lump of the bulls dung and found he had the energy to got onto the 1st branche. The next day after eating some more dung he managed to get to the second branch, finally on the fourth day the turkey was able to sit proudly on the top branch, where he was promptly spotted by the farmer, who then shot him out of the tree!
MORAL of the story:- Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there!
2) A little bird left it a late to start it's journey flying south and it was so cold the bird half froze and fell to the ground in a large field. While he was laying there a cow came along and dropped some dun on him. As the warm dung began to thaw the bird out it made him so happy to be warm again he started to chirp and sing for joy. A passing farm cat heard the singing and followed the noise to the cowpat where he promptly dug the little bird out and ate him.
MORALS of the story:- (1) not everyone who craps on you is your enemy. (2) not everyone who gets you out of the crap is your friend. and (3) when your in deep crap, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
Have a great weekend all
21-10-2013, 05:27 AM #110
Two blondes talking, " what's hubby getting you for your birthday?" "roses and that's a given" " why what's wrong with that?" " well he has expectations when he gives me flowers, and I don't fancy laying on my back with my legs in the air for 3 days" "don't you have a vase?"