Would you choose a country over a partner?

[Lily Rainbow]

Hi all,

had a conversation at work yesterday.Someone's cousin and her partner had decided to emigrate to Australia.They went through all the usual processes,and when their pr visa's were granted,the guy then changed his mind,and decided to stay in the UK.The persons cousin however still went ahead with the move and ended the relationship!I think the guy in question got cold feet about work and so forth.So would you......choose a country over a partner?lol What if it happened to you before you move/moved to Oz?

[Tamara (Homes Down Under)]

Hi all,

had a conversation at work yesterday.Someone's cousin and her partner had decided to emigrate to Australia.They went through all the usual processes,and when their pr visa's were granted,the guy then changed his mind,and decided to stay in the UK.The persons cousin however still went ahead with the move and ended the relationship!I think the guy in question got cold feet about work and so forth.So would you......choose a country over a partner?lol What if it happened to you before you move/moved to Oz?

 

I have heard this happen before. It's a massive life changing decision and I think that all of us have had periods when we change our minds.

I have also witnessed couples who have split when one of them loved and the other one hated Oz once they moved here....with one person remaining and the other returning.

My OH struggled to settle and even now after 6 years he still has his "wobbles" ! He is in no doubt that if he decided to leave he would leave by himself!

 

Tamara

[NicF]

For me being with my OH is far more important than being in a particular country. And I know he feels the same as he stuck with me in the UK for 13 years even though he wanted to move back to Australia and really struggled with the UK winters. I can't help think that relationships that fail due to each person wanting to be in a different country must either have other issues or the people in them aren't that committed to each other.

[Guest Claire-n-tel]

Nope!....

 

We traveled for 5 years before getting here and always had an agreement that if one of us hated somewhere we would leave (it only happened once in Kashmir, i couldn't be doing with walking past 10 armed soldiers pointing rifles at us in the 50 meter walk to town!)

 

We still go by that principle now, if one of us decides its not working any more we will move on, although probably not back to the uk....maybe back to India for a while?......hmmmmmm....

[Guest jorose]

Difficult one. Hypothetically we have said that if one of us, for example wanted to go back to the UK but the other didn't then we would probably (and I say probably as I am hypothetically speaking) go our separate ways. However, in reality who knows what would be decided until placed in that position?

[Blossom]

No, not if I was happy with them. If I wasn't totally happy then yes.

[huggesy]

I'm going to be controversial then, but yes I would choose a country over my partner, sounds really selfish I know, but there has been to many times in my life when I have put a partners needs before my own. Yes you would try any other option to not leave without your loved one but if you give up your dreams for someone else you are giving up part of yourself.

[Lazy Cow]

Yes!

 

I'd choose a chocolate bar over my husband......mwahaha!

 

LC

[Lazy Cow]

And for those that might take my last comment seriously, no, I wouldn't choose a country over my husband and I don't think I'd have to.

 

Even though coming here was mty OH's idea, I know that if I hadn't wanted to come he would have put my happiness over his desire to try somewhere new.

 

Life is life pretty much wherever you go but love makes things more manageable. IMHO, of course!

[Guest Claire-n-tel]

Alternativly we could all have a big swap meet......you have mine and go to uk, i'll have yours and stay here!

[Lily Rainbow]

Must be quite awful to be in that situation though hey?If you were both planning the move,it takes alot of time,energy and commitment,and you would obviously assume,that you were both sharing the same dream/future.Then if one pulls the plug?Would you stay for their happiness?Or would you go to save your own?I guess too other factors come into it,like could you manage alone financially or emotionally?I'd hate to be in that situation!

[Lily Rainbow]

Nope!....

 

We traveled for 5 years before getting here and always had an agreement that if one of us hated somewhere we would leave (it only happened once in Kashmir, i couldn't be doing with walking past 10 armed soldiers pointing rifles at us in the 50 meter walk to town!)

 

We still go by that principle now, if one of us decides its not working any more we will move on, although probably not back to the uk....maybe back to India for a while?......hmmmmmm....

I love India!Heading back there next month!

[Guest Claire-n-tel]

I love India!Heading back there next month!

 

Jealous!!......it is SOOO expensive to get there from here Where are you going?

[Lily Rainbow]

Don't be jealous Claire-n-tel,you'll get back there one day!We're heading back to Sth India.

[Rabeah]

If my partner would have ever changed his mind, I couldn't go because I was the 2nd applicant (visa conditions would have been prevented me from an initial entry).

Therefore the cousin of the op must have been the 1st applicant anyway. Going through all the visa processes, all the stress, hurdles and money related to it and then changing one's mind about migration seems weird to me. It seems strange to me telling family, friends, co-workers about migration and then loosing the relationship to the other half. He didn't follow her after she decided to go, therefore he wasn't really interested in regaining this relationship. Did it really have to come to that? Maybe the cousin persuaded her partner and he was not really standing behind it...My partner and me can't imagine to separate about such an issue, always would try to find a solution, a compromise for example, staying at least for 2 years.

Edited October 20, 2013 by Rabeah

[livinginoz]

This is a difficult one, we came out for the second time a few years back. It didn't work out the first time and we went back to the UK and set up a new life. But my partner was not happy after a few years back as we had a large mortgage couldn't afford holidays and weren't really sure where we were going with life, I was however content with life. We agreed to sell up and come back to Australia we new the costs and the hard work we would need to put in. On arrival back in Australia we believed that we had made mistake and planned to try for the4 years gain citizenship and return to UK. However about a year ago i gained employment, kids settled etc and i questioned our plan, i didn't feel we should just endure it until we returned. I actually like it and don't want to return this has caused a big problem and may well end up in the breakdown of our relationship. I don't think it is a case of choosing a country over a person it is about choosing whose happiness is more important should the adventurous stay put because their partner doesn't want to do anything. Should someone who is content with life have to move or make big changes for their partner. What if it was there idea in the first place?

[Guest Claire-n-tel]

I'm guessing the answer to this question lies in how strong your relationship is in the first place?

 

We have been through HUGE life changes, having to/wanting to move country would be a small blip if compared, (not that either of us want to at this point, we definatly don't!)

 

We are together and stronger than ever.

[The Monaghans]

I would choose the relationship over the location every time but I would make... him.... suffer... every... single... day!

[Keith & Linda]

I would choose the relationship over the location every time but I would make... him.... suffer... every... single... day!

 

You girls do that to us now, wherever we are!! but we still love ya:smile:

[Guest ColinOz]

I'm a guy, wanted to move with my gf to Adelaide, she said no, so here I am, all by myself...

 

But that's the way life is, I'll probably go back home but it will because running out of money and not being able to find a job rather than feeling lonely:P, but is not about choosing a country is more about choosing a new life in a way.

Edited October 21, 2013 by ColinOz

[Rabeah]

People can always change the country, but it's hard to find/regain a good relationship. I've found my soul mate, so the country has the second priority.

Luckily, we both love Australia, besides all the ups and downs occasionally.

[Bal67]

Does that include other members of the family too?? As out 16 year old daughter has decided she does not want to go with us!! Panick stations..................