Screaming kids bad parents

[Guest Guest14361]

So so agree with this cafe owner, why can't parents keep them under control

 

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[sidestep]

...why can't parents keep them under control...

 

...because CHILDREN HAVE RIGHTS!!!!!!!!!

 

At least that's what most of the asshole parents use as an excuse. Personally I'd prefer them all sent to a workhouse until they learn basic manners and respect for others. That includes the aforementioned asshole parents!

[Blossom]

I was horrified to hear people were giving this person a hard time. They were saying they have people changing nappies on the tables in the cafe! On the tables!

I often am shocked at the things some parents let their children get away with in places where it is not appropriate and can be dangerous.

There are so many play cafes about now there really is no need for it.

[samandcraig]

I completely agree with the cafe owner......why should they have to put up with this anti social behaviour on their property!! These mothers that decide to allow their children to run wild give us mothers with well behaved children a bad name!!!

[NicF]

Yep, I think that is fair enough. Plenty of places around that have areas for kids to play if you have kids that don't sit still. As a parent of a child that didn't do sitting still I wouldn't have dreamed of taking him anywhere that didn't have somewhere designed for him to run around safely.

[Guest Guest14361]

The parents are drinking their lattes and fiddling on their phones to have any interest in their kids, not the kids fault

[Bailey]

Totally unacceptable to see children run wild in cafes/restaurants - this is reserved for the beautiful parks that we have here..

Parents must take responsibility in teaching 'good manners' - it is an ongoing process right up to adulthood.. it is totally unfair for the child, they thrive on boundaries..

[zebedee]

While we are at it, can we have the same rule for kids on trains during commuting hours?

 

I'm either grumpy going to work, or tired coming home....I don't need little Johnny talking \ staring \ screaming or showing his boogers at me.

Edited October 24, 2014 by zebedee

[Guest Guest14361]

Don't get me started on the supermarket aisles, you can hear the little Shi*s at the other end of the shop....ffs.....stfu.....

[Rachiegarlo]

One of my pet peeves. My children when they were little accompanied me everywhere ( except the pub) as we had no babysitters in London. They learned to sit and join in the conversation and talk to anyone present, whether it was in the corner of the dentist's room, a library, a shop wherever. They ate what I ate, not some kids menu full of pizza , nuggets and other "child friendly" "food". The only concession for boredom were paper and pencils. There are plenty of child friendly spaces, I don't think cafes need to bend over backwards. Children need to learn that cafes, restaurants, trains, cinemas and other public spaces are not playgrounds. This is what the beach, parks, playgrounds etc are for. My other pet peeve now are the kids who sit in the cafes but are given the ipad. Have seen a few families like this, each child has an ipad and no one is talking. Grrrr.

[Guest Guest14361]

Children need to learn that cafes, restaurants, trains, cinemas and other public spaces are not playgrounds.

 

not the kids fault it's the dickhead parents fault who have not taught respect to their kids

[Blossom]

We went to America when I was 10. We ordered off the adult menu, as we always had done. The waitress was totally shocked. Mind you, so were we with the portion sizes when they came out. Ha ha.

 

A couple of years ago now we went to a fairly posh restaurant one night. It was lovely, low lighting, lots of couples on romantic dinners etc. A fairly big table (maybe 8) came in with a couple of kids. The kids were well behaved, but that's because they shoved iPads in front of them at FULL VOLUME. I think they must have been cartoons or something. Thankfully the waiters asked them to turn the sound off after a few minutes. I would have been making a complaint for one, and by the looks of everyone else staring at them we would have been in a queue.

[Rachiegarlo]

I agree Nobby, I meant it is the role of the parents to teach these social skills, it comes down to Parents realising that children do not always have to have their needs as totally central to the situation.

[snifter]

Don't get me started on the supermarket aisles, you can hear the little Shi*s at the other end of the shop....ffs.....stfu.....

 

My son had a massive meltdown/tantrum in a supermarket when he was abou 2.5 years old. I did all I could to calm him down, contain him. I got lots of long looks from some other shoppers and could tell some were annoyed at my son daring to yell and scream while they were out doing their shopping. No one offered any kind of understanding of what was happening.

 

I was suffering PND still at the time. Being anywhere in public was hard work for me, more so when this sort of thing happened and my son did what many kids do on occasion, had a bit of a plot losing moment in a public shopping space. I ended up taking my trolly to the help desk, leaving it pretty full and apologising to the staff that they would have to put it back. I then left the store. In tears. I went home and didn't venture out for the rest of the day and felt like the biggest pile of crap out there.

 

I don't care what other shoppers think now. It was my PND affecting me and had I not had that, I'd have glared right back at anyone daring to judge me, pass comment on my kids not so hot behaviour. I am well aware its not pleasant to listen to, I am the one dealing with it. But the answer isn't to always walk out of the shop and go elsewhere. Sometimes parents need to deal with situations in the place they are in, to work through things. Sorry if it spoils your trip round Tesco or Woolworths but there, I refuse to feel like a bad parent because some stranger who has no impact in my life in any way feels annoyed at my kid screaming. Just because my kid is screaming on that shopping trip does not mean he does it every time or even more than once or twice a year, it just happened on that day at that time. I refuse to feel bad because those shoppers don't know my kid, they are only seeing a snapshot from one day, judging on that. They have no clue of the bigger picture or the kind of child my kid is, or the kind of parent I am.

[Guest Guest14361]

Sorry to hear that Snifter, I can see where you are coming from....just let me know where you shop and what day..

[Lazy Cow]

My son had a massive meltdown/tantrum in a supermarket when he was abou 2.5 years old. I did all I could to calm him down, contain him. I got lots of long looks from some other shoppers and could tell some were annoyed at my son daring to yell and scream while they were out doing their shopping.

 

I refuse to feel bad because those shoppers don't know my kid, they are only seeing a snapshot from one day,

 

I think there's a huge difference between a kid having a meltdown, and avoidable, selfish behaviours such as allowing a kid to run around / over tables, shouting, using noisy games / iPads etc.

 

The anti-social stuff is definitely down to the parents, whilst the meltdowns etc are largely down to the child.

 

We have two kids, brought up identically, both with social niceties instilled from an early age. The difference was, one would listen, consider and behave appropriately; the other? Complete Hell-child! If it didn't want to do something, it wouldn't and there was no-th-ing we could do about it. And we tried everything bar cattle prods - which would've been my next choice, but apparently <sigh> illegal!

 

So if I see, or hear, a kid having a meltdown, I usually have every sympathy with the parent. The only exceptions might be if the parent starts screaming, slapping the kid, because then I wonder whether the child is merely showing a learned behaviour.

 

LC

 

Oh, and a to Snifter!

[Rachiegarlo]

LC this is why boarding schools exist....

There's aprimary school in Charters Towers in QLD that takes them from 5.

 

I think also people do consider the age of the child and accept that toddlers (and some younger children) can play up, but what people like to see is parents at least attempting something. People get fed up with the parents that just ignore the mayhem. Have been on a flight from Heathrow to Singapore with such a family where it started in the departure lounge and continued en route until a scream woke a french lady seated behind who was startled and annoyed. Lady addressed the child sharply and sternly to be quiet and listen to the parents. Child was surprisingly quiet from then on.

[Anne B]

I think there's a big difference between kids having a meltdown in a supermarket and unruly kids in a restaurant. Everyone has to go shopping, it's a chore, nobody has gone to the supermarket for entertainment, to celebrate a birthday, catch up with friends or whatever as people do when they go to a restaurant or cafe. Toddler melt-downs are part of life and growing up and I can't stand the people who give evil stares. I used to assume that they had never had children themselves - I always try and give any Mums in that situation a smile or a few sympathetic words as I know I appreciated those who did that when my kids were having a melt-down. On the other hand I think it is quite selfish for parents to take their children to restaurants if they can't behave appropriately, as it is spoiling it for the other patrons, and lets face it - eating out isn't cheap these days. We never took our kids to restaurants when they were small unless it was somewhere like McDonalds or there was a beer garden where there was plenty of space (and often a bouncy castle or play equipment). I have noticed a lot of parents using ipads as babysitters for very young children in public spaces but it's not really teaching the children how to interact socially.

[snifter]

I think there's a huge difference between a kid having a meltdown, and avoidable, selfish behaviours such as allowing a kid to run around / over tables, shouting, using noisy games / iPads etc.

 

The anti-social stuff is definitely down to the parents, whilst the meltdowns etc are largely down to the child.

 

We have two kids, brought up identically, both with social niceties instilled from an early age. The difference was, one would listen, consider and behave appropriately; the other? Complete Hell-child! If it didn't want to do something, it wouldn't and there was no-th-ing we could do about it. And we tried everything bar cattle prods - which would've been my next choice, but apparently <sigh> illegal!

 

So if I see, or hear, a kid having a meltdown, I usually have every sympathy with the parent. The only exceptions might be if the parent starts screaming, slapping the kid, because then I wonder whether the child is merely showing a learned behaviour.

 

LC

 

Oh, and a to Snifter!

 

There is. But in a supermarket it could be either one and often I think its harder to gauge which it may be as the parent is trying to do something, to shop, and the kid invariably doesn't want to. I've raised my voice at my kid when shopping before. And I've also had my hubby pick him up and carry him out the store screaming so I could carry on shopping without having to chase him round also. Kids need to be in these situations as a part of life, even if boring to them. My son hates shopping at the store most of the time but behaves while we are there. He may whinge about it before hand though, protest he doesn't want to go, but he knows he has to and then gets on with it.

 

Anti social behaviour I think of more in older kids, kids who have had time to learn, to know better and who still choose to behave in a not so good way.Or who make not so good choices that the parents do nothing to correct or improve. My son would not dream of running amok in a cafe, nor would we have let it happen, but when he was smaller he may have had a paddy on while we were eating but honestly, I can't really remember him ever doing that, it has never been an issue for us in that respect.

 

I agree anti social behaviour from kids when out and about isn't pleasant for those around them. And I admit I get irked if a kid clearly does something that interuppts or disturbs us.

 

There was one instance, when we had our leaving BBQ in England before moving here, we invited a heap of friends, family and their kids to a pub beer garden and laid on food for them all. Of course, the garden was open to the public but it was clear that we were a private party with tables near the BBQ and so on that we were all round. A couple of families from our sons school rocked up for a drink there, sat at tables on the other side, nothing to do with us and I didn't know them at all. They let their kids go help themselves to the food we had out for our friends and their kids. Made no effort to stop them or to ask the kids to check with us first. One little girl, about 5 kept coming back for more and more. I had made enough kiddie cakes for those we had invited but she picked up a handful from the table and went to walk off with them. By this point I had had enough and stopped her and said I thought she had had enough now and to not come back for any more thank you. I then took a bowl of sweets to all the tables we had in our group. One of the not invited kids ambled over from their table to take some. I said no, they are not for you but for our guests. I took a bowl with some in, walked the kid back to his parents table and gave them the bowl of sweets and said they could have their own here to save keep coming taking from our guests anymore. The parents didn't seem to care at all and just said thank you. I didn't have to shoo any more kids off though as they seemed to get the point from then on. I'd have been mortified if my kid had taken food from strangers tables and would have made him go put it back or gone to someone to apologise at least.

[Guest Guest14361]

A punch in the gob would have been suffice for me:rolleyes:you still not told me which shopping centre, I need to delete it from my list:err:

[snifter]

A punch in the gob would have been suffice for me:rolleyes:you still not told me which shopping centre, I need to delete it from my list:err:

 

Heh, I doubt you'd shop in the area, given we live a long ways apart

[Guest Guest14361]

Wondered if it's the same in the UK???

[snifter]

Wondered if it's the same in the UK???

 

For sure. I saw the same sort of things there as I do here.

 

Worst time was when a woman verbally ripped in to her kid in the street, he was in his pushchair so could not go anywhere. He was crying, little ones do but he hadn't done anything I could see to get what he did from her. She screamed and ranted at him using just about every expletive in the book and was horrible, just horrible about him to him. I was gobsmacked hearing her and felt for the kid. She carried on screaming at him all the way up the street, didn't seem to care who heard her.

 

Having said that, not all unkindness or mean treatment is done in such a clear cut open way. Plenty of mental or phsychological abuse or meanness is done in such a way as most people would not even think it abuse or think a parent were being unkind perhaps. But hearing it enough, done in such a way, negative all the time or constantly blaming kids, finding fault, often for just being kids, kids start to get worn down by it.

[Lazy Cow]

Worst time was when a woman verbally ripped in to her kid in the street, he was in his pushchair so could not go anywhere. He was crying, little ones do but he hadn't done anything I could see to get what he did from her. She screamed and ranted at him using just about every expletive in the book and was horrible, just horrible about him to him. I was gobsmacked hearing her and felt for the kid. She carried on screaming at him all the way up the street, didn't seem to care who heard her.

 

 

Sometimes this forum can make me re-examine how I view things.

 

In my earlier post, I commented that, "

 

"..if I see, or hear, a kid having a meltdown, I usually have every sympathy with the parent. The only exceptions might be if the parent starts screaming, slapping the kid, because then I wonder whether the child is merely showing a learned behaviour"

but I have just come to the conclusion that that is just as judgemental. I have no idea what's happening in that person's life. They could have suffered a loss, have something like anxiety, depression, PND, suffering violence in the home...who knows?

 

I think what would make the difference in how I viewed people in that situation, came down to language, and how feral they appeared. And that's just wrong.

 

So, thanks PiA! I've learned a bit about myself...and I'm not sure I liked it lol!

 

LC

[snifter]

Sometimes this forum can make me re-examine how I view things.

 

In my earlier post, I commented that, "

 

"..if I see, or hear, a kid having a meltdown, I usually have every sympathy with the parent. The only exceptions might be if the parent starts screaming, slapping the kid, because then I wonder whether the child is merely showing a learned behaviour"

but I have just come to the conclusion that that is just as judgemental. I have no idea what's happening in that person's life. They could have suffered a loss, have something like anxiety, depression, PND, suffering violence in the home...who knows?

 

I think what would make the difference in how I viewed people in that situation, came down to language, and how feral they appeared. And that's just wrong.

 

So, thanks PiA! I've learned a bit about myself...and I'm not sure I liked it lol!

 

LC

 

Its all fair comment LC

Edited October 26, 2014 by snifter
Changed my mind