Do You Fart In Bed?

[cormcvcr]

DO YOU FART IN BED?

 

IF THIS STORY DOESN'T MAKE YOU CRY FOR LAUGHING SO HARD, LET ME

KNOW AND I'LL PRAY FOR YOU.

 

THIS IS A STORY ABOUT A COUPLE WHO HAD BEEN HAPPILY MARRIED FOR

YEARS.

 

THE ONLY FRICTION IN THEIR MARRIAGE WAS THE HUSBAND'S HABIT OF

FARTING LOUDLY EVERY MORNING WHEN HE AWOKE. THE NOISE WOULD WAKE HIS

WIFE AND

 

THE SMELL WOULD MAKE HER EYES WATER AND MAKE HER GASP FOR AIR.

 

EVERY MORNING SHE WOULD PLEAD WITH HIM TO STOP RIPPING THEM OFF

BECAUSE IT WAS MAKING HER SICK. HE TOLD HER HE COULDN'T.STOP IT AND THAT

IT WAS PERFECTLY NATURAL. SHE TOLD HIM TO SEE A DOCTOR, SHE WAS

CONCERNED THAT ONE DAY HE WOULD BLOW HIS GUTS OUT.

 

THE YEARS WENT BY AND HE CONTINUED TO RIP THEM OUT. THEN ONE

THANKSGIVING MORNING AS SHE WAS PREPARING THE TURKEY FOR DINNER AND

HE WAS UPSTAIRS SOUND ASLEEP, SHE LOOKED AT THE INNARDS AND NECK,

GIZZARD, LIVER AND ALL THE SPARE PAR TS AND A MALICIOUS THOUGHT CAME TO

HER.

 

SHE TOOK THE BOWL AND WENT UPSTAIRS WHERE HER HUSBAND WAS SOUND

ASLEEP AND, GENTLY PULLING THE BED COVERS BACK, SHE PULLED BACK THE

ELASTIC WAISTBAND OF HIS UNDERPAN TS AND EMPTIED THE BOWL OF TURKEY GUTS

INTO HIS SHORTS

 

SOME TIME LATER SHE HEARD HER HUSBAND WAKEN WITH HIS USUAL

TRUMPETING WHICH WAS FOLLOWED BY A BLOOD CURDLING SCREAM AND THE SOUND

OF FRANTIC FOOT STEPS AS HE RAN INTO THE BATH ROOM. THE WIFE COULD

HARDLY CONTROL HERSELF AS SHE ROLLED ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING, TEARS IN HER

EYES! AFTER YEARS OF TORTURE SHE RECKONED SHE HAD GOT HIM BACK PRE TT Y

GOOD..

 

ABOUT TWENTY MINUTES LATER, HER HUSBAND CAME DOWNSTAIRS IN HIS

BLOODSTAINED UNDERPANTS WITH A LOOK OF HORROR ON HIS FACE. SHE BIT

HER LIP AS SHE ASKED HIM WHAT WAS THE MATT ER.

 

HE SAID, 'HONEY YOU WERE RIGHT.' 'ALL THESE YEARS YOU HAVE WARNED

ME A ND I DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU'.

 

'WHAT DO YOU MEAN?' ASKED HIS WIFE.

 

'WELL, YOU ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT ONE DAY I WOULD END UP FARTING MY

GUTS OUT, AND TODAY IT FINALLY HAPPENED.'

 

BUT BY THE GRACE OF GOD, SOME VASELINE AND TWO FINGERS. I THINK I

GOT MOST OF THEM BACK IN.'

:biglaugh::biglaugh:

[Guest alibongo]

very funny!!

thanks for the mid week laugh.

 

Ali

[sue2oz]

my gosh i didnt know what was gonna happen there:wideeyed:

 

thats a good one

shall forward that on to me mates:)

 

thanks sue xxx

[Guest donna T]

Oh My God!! Couldn't explain to the 3 year old why I was laughing so much

[suziewozie]

Wow Cornelia that was fantastic, keep them coming ( the jokes) please

[Guest thelincolns]

that was great!!!!!

[Guest cornish Busdriver]

Love it.

[Guest Django]

I'm as yet undecided as to whether this is a joke or a page from Cornelia's diary.

 

:biglaugh:

 

Pete

[cormcvcr]

I'm as yet undecided as to whether this is a joke or a page from Cornelia's diary.

 

:biglaugh:

 

Pete

 

 

Oh, I was wondering where my diary had got to, PETE!!!! give it back!!!

[Nicky]

Thats brilliant! I'm going to have to show it to Simon, I'm sure he'll relate to it!!

[Guest BAZnDAF]

that was funny...

[Guest Rossetti's]

That is so funny thanks for that it gave me a good laugh!!!

[Guest The Hadleys]

Thats excellent, i'm going to try that on my hubby. Very funny xx

[Guest LukeM]

That is so gross but very, very funny.

[Guest Libby1971]

It is based on Bob's life, y'know.

 

Libby

[Guest stufi1997]

good one!!

[Guest cunnah10]

Absolutely fantastic!Had tears rolling down my cheeks and hardly able to breath from laughing so much just a couple of lines into it!

I was hysterical by the end!

My 3 year old standing next to the computer asking "what are laughing at mummy!!!"

 

Thanks cheered me up!

 

Gill

x

[Guest Happychick]

Very funny !!!

[Guest Em76]

Um, yum, was just reading this whilst trying to eat lunch. Luckily I am a veggie

Very funny tho, bought a smile to my otherwise dull day