Three quickies

[Guest Django]

A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

 

The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

 

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

 

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

 

"How did you know I was at Asda?"

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Bloke walks into John Lewis and looks like a normal bloke in a big shop, a bit lost. One of those many assistants come up to him and asks if she can help.

 

“Urrm, yes, could you tell me where the womens’ department is please?”

 

“Certainly sir, it is on the first floor, the escalator is over there”

 

“Thank you”

 

On reaching the first floor, the man stops again and looks equally quizzical. Another assistant comes over.

 

“Hello sir, can I help you?”

 

“Is this the women’s department?”

 

“Urr, yes sir, what is it you are a looking for?”

 

“ A Hoover!”

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Man goes to see a wizard and asks him to lift a curse that was put on him years ago. "Maybe," says the wizard, "if you can remember the exact words of the curse you believe you have, then I can reverse it and cure you."

 

"That's easy," says the man without hesitation. "I pronounce you man and wife."

[Guest JennyJay]

Why were men given larger brains then dogs ? so they would'nt hump womens legs at cocktail parties ...

 

How many men does it take to change a toilet roll ? we dont know it,s never been done

 

 

Why are men like laxatives ? they irritate the s.... out of you

 

 

quote=Django;43566]A young man wanted to get his beautiful blonde wife, Susie, something nice for their first wedding anniversary. So he decided to buy her a cell phone. He showed her the phone and explained to her all of its features. Susie was excited to receive the gift and simply adored her new phone.

 

The next day Susie went shopping. Her phone rang and, to her astonishment, it was her husband on the other end.

"Hi Susie," he said, "how do you like your new phone?"

 

Susie replied, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice is clear as a bell, but there's one thing I don't understand though..."

 

"What's that, sweetie?" asked her husband.

 

"How did you know I was at Asda?"

 

_______________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Bloke walks into John Lewis and looks like a normal bloke in a big shop, a bit lost. One of those many assistants come up to him and asks if she can help.

 

“Urrm, yes, could you tell me where the womens’ department is please?”

 

“Certainly sir, it is on the first floor, the escalator is over there”

 

“Thank you”

 

On reaching the first floor, the man stops again and looks equally quizzical. Another assistant comes over.

 

“Hello sir, can I help you?”

 

“Is this the women’s department?”

 

“Urr, yes sir, what is it you are a looking for?”

 

“ A Hoover!”

 

________________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

Man goes to see a wizard and asks him to lift a curse that was put on him years ago. "Maybe," says the wizard, "if you can remember the exact words of the curse you believe you have, then I can reverse it and cure you."

 

"That's easy," says the man without hesitation. "I pronounce you man and wife."

[cint&mark]

Good call JenneyJay!!

[Guest Django]

Two Aussies standing on Sydney Harbour Bridge.

 

Sheila says “Bruce, I’m pregnant and if you don’t marry me, I’ll jump!”

 

Bruce replies “Gee, Sheila, not only are you a great shag, you’re a bl00dy good sport, too!!"

[Guest Sharon and Paul]

HI Django your on dodgy ground ????? a brave man , behind the key board?.

[Guest Django]

HI Django your on dodgy ground ????? a brave man , behind the key board?.

 

:biglaugh:No one is braver than me behing the keyboard. You may find when I get to Adelaide and so a lot closer to everyone the sexist gags may stop.