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    1. #1

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      Senior Member
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      Hallett Cove, Adelaide
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      Joke of the day!!

      Real story by a Man who was standing in a queue in Tesco's.........



      I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was
      standing in the queue at the till.

      A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

      On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again,
      although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last
      time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care
      ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

      I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it
      works
      is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one
      or
      two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally
      complete so
      I was going to try it again.

      I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now
      enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

      Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition
      because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been
      sitting
      in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

      I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so
      hard
      as he staggered out the door..

      Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??

    2. #2

      Title
      Senior Member
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      Aug 2007
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      Hackham
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      Still laughing 5 minutes later!!!

      Well done Judi x
      Cornelia (43) Andy (44!!), Ally (18) & Wee Andi (15) x

    3. #3
      alan smallman
      Very very funny!! I shall tell my patients that one (well those whom I think will find it funny). Don't want to risk a disciplinary!! Had a chap once who (despite seeing how hectic a time I was having) stopped me at 3 am, saying: Excuse me nurse. Sorry to bother you. I can see you running around but...............................can you just tell me if my testicles are black? Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm!!! So, I agreed to have a look and as quick as a flash (no pun intended) the sheets were back and his nighty up, to reveal............................................ ...a perfect (well as near as dammit) pair of pink and 'healthy' testicles (in my opinion as a urology nurse). I told him not to worry, that I had checked his testicles and they were fine - no discolouration or blackened areas . As I was covering everything back up, and drawing back the curtains, he still had a 'concerned' look on his face. He then said: "Look, nurse I don't think you understood me, or you may have misheard me (and I know you're rushing around and are really busy) but can you just tell me.....................................ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?

      Fair play (as they say in Brum) to him and bless him, he at least saw the funny side of it. I couldn't apologise enough!! His test results were nothing to worry about either. Just thought I'd share that with you!!

      Alan

    4. #4

      Title
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      Apr 2007
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      Old Reynella
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      Quote Originally Posted by alan smallman View Post
      ARE MY TEST RESULTS BACK?

    5. #5

      Title
      Senior Member
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      Mar 2008
      Location
      New Port Quay, Adelaide.
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      i really loved the joke, it was just what i needed a good laugh.
      thanks
      lauraxxx

    6. #6
      alan smallman
      Glad it cheered you up Laura. I used to be one half of a comedy duo back in the eighties - I hated it 'coz no-one was interested in listening to us - the majority were there for the Bingo. Once or twice we played classy 'joints' (like the West Bromwich Albion Supporters Club - known as the 'Throstle Club'). Now that was a posh do. I had to hire a black tie job for that one. It was cabaret and soup-in-a-basket!!

      I was the straight man and my mate played the 'Bobby Ball' character. At the end of every song we did he used to say "thank You for the clap". The irony of it was that no-one got it except for us. That used to make me laff. Thinking back, I wish I'd have really got stuck into it, and maybe I could've made a career out of it. The only funny line I ever delivered was: "..and now I'd like to sing you a song which I penned myself entitled 'Oh, give me a home where the buffalo roam, and I'll show you a house full of cow poo!!' Enough''s enough now.

      Nowadays I play to a different (and captive) audience!! Quite often my patients tell me off for making them laugh as it hurts them. If I can think of any more I'll post 'em!

      All The Best

      Alan

    7. #7

      Title
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      Alan, thats the funniest little story I've heard in ages!! Good on ya!!
      Judi x

    8. #8
      woody crew
      O.m.G how funny was that, made me chuckle, now must get on lots 2 do

    9. #9
      alan smallman
      I appreciate your appreciation Judi and all! Maybe I should kick nursing into touch and be a stand-up? Now there's a thought........................................... ...mmmmm?

      X Alan

    10. #10

      Title
      Senior Member
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      We have The Fringe Festival here in Adelaide in late February. Its where comedians/performers in Arts come and show off their talent, why not book a spot?? You never know, you could make a career here out of it, as I don't know about other Brits but I find Australian humour very bizarre
      J x

     

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