I think this is a new bunch, but they should raise a smile...........

I like the Kangaroo one.


We had to have the garage door repaired. The repairman told us that one
of our problems was that we did not have a 'large' enough motor on the
opener. I thought for a minute, and said that we had the largest one B &
D made at that time, a 1/2 horsepower. He shook his head and said,
'Lady, you need a 1/4 horsepower.' I responded that 1/2 was larger than
1/4. He said, 'NO, it's not.' Four is larger than two..'

We haven't used this repairman since.


My daughter and I went through the McDonald's drive thru window and I
gave the teen a $20 note. Our total was $10.50, so I also handed her
fifty cents. She said, 'you gave me too much money.' I said, 'Yes I
know, but this way you can just give me ten dollars back.' She sighed
and went to get the manager who asked me to repeat my request. I did so,
and he handed me back the fifty cents, and said 'We're sorry but we
can't do that kind of thing.' The teen then proceeded to give me back
$9.50 in change.

Do not confuse the teenagers at McD's.

I live in a semi rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local council office to request the removal of the Kangaroo sign on our
road. The reason: 'Too many kangaroos are being hit by cars out here! I
don't think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.'


My daughter went to a local Hungry Jack's and ordered a burger. She
asked the person behind the counter for 'minimal lettuce.' He said he
was sorry, but they only had iceberg lettuce.


I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, 'Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?'
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?'
He smiled knowingly and nodded,

'That's why we ask.'


The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with an intellectually challenged coworker of mine. She
asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it signals
blind people when the light is red. Appalled, she responded, 'What on
earth are blind people doing driving?!'


At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker. She was leaving the
company due to 'downsizing.' Our manager commented cheerfully, 'This is
fun We should do this more often.' Not another word was spoken. We all
just looked at each other with that animal-in-the-headlights stare.


I work with an individual who plugged her power board back into itself
and for the sake of her life, couldn't understand why her system would
not turn on.


When my husband and I arrived at a dealership to pick up our car, we
were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the drivers
side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried
the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked. 'Hey,' I announced
to the technician, 'its open!' His reply, 'I know. I already got that

They walk among us... And the scary part is that they VOTE and they