Thank you all x

[cormcvcr]

Dear Friends

 

As we move closer to the end of another year I wanted to thank you

for all the e-mails you have forwarded to me over the past year.

 

I must send a big thank you to whoever sent me the one about rat

poo in the glue on envelopes, because I now have to use a wet

sponge with every envelope that needs sealing.

 

Also, I now have to wipe the top of every can I open for the same

reason.

 

I no longer have any savings because I gave it all to a sick girl

who is about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. But

that will change once I receive the £15,000 that Bill Gates and

Microsoft are sending me for participating in their special email

programs. Or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants me to

split seven million dollars with me for pretending to be a long lost

relative of a customer who died intestate.

 

And I need no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214

angels looking out for me.

 

I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward emails

to seven friends and make a wish within five minutes.

 

I no longer drink Coca-Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

 

I no longer can buy petrol without taking a friend along to watch

the car so a serial killer won't crawl in my back seat when I'm

filling up.

 

I no longer go to shopping centres because someone will drug me with

a food sample and rob me.

 

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a

number and then I'll get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica , Uganda ,

Singapore and Uzbekistan .

 

I can't use anyone's toilet but mine because a big brown African

spider is lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it

bites my bottom.

 

I can't even pick up the five quid I found dropped in the car park

because it was probably put there by a crazed axe murderer waiting

under my car to grab my leg.

 

If you don't send this email to at least 144,000 people in the next,

10 minutes, a large pelican with an acute case of diarrhoea will

Poo on your head and fleas from 12 camels will infest your back,

causing you to grow a most unsightly hairy hump.

 

I know this because it actually happened to a friend of my next door

neighbour's ex-mother-in- law's second husband's cousin's plumber -

and it was on Good Morning Australia.

 

By the way.... did you know that a South American scientist has,

after a lengthy study, discovered that people with low IQs who,

don't have enough sex, always read their emails while holding the

mouse.

 

Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.

 

Regards,

Cornelia x

[Guest Django]

Love it C, love it

[Guest sarahsmartiepants]

:laughxmas::emoticon-signxmas:

[Guest graandjac]

:laughxmas::laughxmas::laughxmas:pmsl

[Guest The Angus Clan]

LOL !!! Very good Cornelia!

[Jo & Steve]

So funny brightened up my night shift, thanks ha ha.

Merry Christmas

Jo x:emoticon-signxmas:

[Guest The Pottertons]

Fabulous! xxxxxxxxxx

[Kimbo]

Hilarious!

 

 

 

 

 

[Guest Roo1]

OMG my hand jumped right off the mouse as soon as I read it!!

Good one hun, we must catch up soon, its been tooooo long,

 

Judi xxx