Baked Beans

[Guest dglamoore]

My mate sent this to me by email and I thought it was so good I had to share it

 

One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

 

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odor of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.

 

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight." He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went to answer the call.

 

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulp wood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

 

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signaled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

 

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

 

 

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"

 

Lisa:cool:

[Guest chippie74]

lol.!!!!!!! remined me of a few years ago when i went out drinking with friends and around 11ish i had to catch the last bus home as walking to the bus stop/shelter i had to go for a pee so i went behind the shelter.you could here the splashing on the metal shutter and went for what seem ages!!! as i walked around the front there was a line of people all dodging i stream i did.i just stud there with my head down and everyone was looking at me.....the bus took ages to come

[Guest happy-jools]

Beans Beans are good for your heart!!!

The More you Eat!!!!

The more you FART. Ha hahaha. Couldnt help but be juvenile again. :rolleyes:

[Guest stufi1997]

LoL......thats funny!... But truth is it's amazing how you girlies can hide this windy problem or in time should i say an achievment of pride....right i'm off before Fiona see's this.

[Guest Guest75]

LOL

 

Just like something I'd have happen to me:confused:

[Guest steph&neil]

that was the pick me up i needed for a monday morning! lol steph