joke

[Guest tooeasy]

little boy walks past a wedding shop and asks his mom why are wedding dresses white his mom says its to symbolise innocence and purity he gets home and asks his dad the same question his dad says well son all kitchen appliances are white :biglaugh:

[HEAPS GOOD !!!]

little boy walks past a wedding shop and asks his mom why are wedding dresses white his mom says its to symbolise innocence and purity he gets home and asks his dad the same question his dad says well son all kitchen appliances are white :biglaugh:

 

i am going to dig a trench and watch the fallout...

[Guest chippie74]

they say why girls have small feet, so they can get closer to the sink

[ozzieclare2be]

two can play at that game

 

How are husbands like lawn mowers?

They're hard to get started, they emit noxious odors, and half the time they don't work.

 

How do men exercise on the beach?

By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

 

How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."

 

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

 

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

One-He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.

 

What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name?

You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

 

 

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?

A power failure.

 

 

[Guest tooeasy]

lol clare half of them was about women you just changed it

 

what food most puts women off sex wedding cake;):jiggy:

[ozzieclare2be]

he he not as good as viz top tips though but not sure i should post those on here

[Guest tooeasy]

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?

A battery has a positive side.

[Guest tooeasy]

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?

Pregnant.

:biglaugh:

[Guest tooeasy]

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?

None, let the wife cook in the dark!

[Guest Guest75]

Ok,OK - here is another crap one...............

 

 

Nescafé manages to arrange a meeting with the Pope at the Vatican.

 

After receiving the papal blessing, the Nescafé official whispers, 'Your

eminence, we have an offer for you. Nescafé is prepared to donate £100

million to the church if you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day

our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily coffee'.'

 

The Pope responds, 'That is impossible. The prayer is the word of the Lord,

it must not be changed.'

 

'Well,' says the Nescafé man, 'We anticipated your reluctance. For this

reason, we will increase our offer to £300 million. All we require is that

you change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to Give

us this day our daily coffee'.'

 

Again, the Pope replies, 'That, my son, is impossible. For the prayer is the

word of the Lord, and must not be changed.'

 

Finally, the Nescafé guy says, 'Your Holiness, we at Nescafé respect your

adherence to your faith, but we do have one final offer. We will donate £500

million - that's half a billion quid - to the Catholic church if you would

only change the Lord's Prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to

'Give us this day our daily coffee'. Please consider it.' And he leaves.

 

The next day the Pope convenes the College of Cardinals. 'There is some Good

news,' he announces, 'and some bad news. The good news is that the Church

will come into £500 million.'

 

'And the bad news, your Holiness?' asks a Cardinal.

 

'We're losing the Hovis Account.'

 

:biglaugh:

[Guest Lisajonesey]

LOVE the nescafe one!!! Bravo, Bravo!!!

[Guest Carl Hallam]

What do you do if your husband is running around the garden covered in blood?

 

 

 

Take a deep breath ,reload , and fire again.

 

Thats one from the wife (She's an Aussie)

[minty]

Heres my 2Ps worth hope Mrs Bacon doesnt find this post -

 

Wife says to her husband does these jeans make my bum look like the barn door?

Husband says no the barn doors not blue.

 

If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you what have you done wrong?

You made her chain too long.

 

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?

When she starts a sentence with, A man once told me...

 

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door who do you let in first?

The dog of course he will shut up once you let him in.

 

Whats worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?

A woman who wont do what she's told.

 

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.

 

What should you give a woman who has everything?

A man to show her how to work it.

 

Why do men die before their wives?

Just to get some peace and quiet.