how and when to tell the kids we're going?

[Guest Katangel]

curious to know when you told your kids you were moving to adelaide!? seeing as we plan to move back to adelaide in july 2013 so that the kids can finish their school year in the uk, we aren't sure when we should tell them? hubby wants to wait til after xmas but i feel we should do it sooner. but, i'm worried it might cause some anxieties as both the boys are starting at new schools in september and will have to make new friends again and then to find out they have to do it all again a year later and back in adelaide! oldest son, 11, was so distraught when we told him we were moving to uk in 2010 but i think he might take it better this time. its just so hard to know when to do it, sooner? or later? any advice is appreciated :-)

[snifter]

I'd tell them sooner rather than later if you know you are going for sure. If your oldest was so upset to move to the UK, hearing he is heading back to Aus should hopefully be good news for him, even if made friends here etc. Does he still talk about Aus? Express a wanting to be back there or anything like that? If so, its a plus. I'd let him be part of the decision making process and involve them, but that is me. Will you be moving back to the same area or somewhere new? If its the same place it might be more appealing for your kids than somewhere new they don't know.

 

Our son is only 4 and doesn't really comprehend moving the other side of the world but we've openly talked about Aus since the day he was born as his Dad is an Aussie and we knew we would head there while he was a child. We just chat about things and sometimes when out and about we'll talk about the differences between here and Aus in the wildlife or the sun and other things. We also show him lots of family pics from when we were in Aus last and say that he'll go to a school in Aus once we are living there and so on. We don't say when as he doesn't comprehend a year, just day to day and week to week but its very much a 'we are' or 'we will be' and we are positive about it all and hope that when they day comes next year we board the plane he'll cope well with it all. I am sure he'll be sorry to leave his friends and his home but I also know once he gets to Aus he'll have friends and family waiting for him there and will be happy to be there and see them. Schooling and finding the right one is my biggest concern.

 

He remembers our last move (he was just coming up 3) and though we didn't move far he knows it means a new house, town and so on. Younger kids tend to adjust well for the most part so we are not overly worried for next years move.

Edited June 6, 2012 by snifter

[Misplaced]

Hi and welcome.

 

We told ours as soon as we had decided that we should do it but we only said that we would go if all of us were in agreement.

 

I suspected that our youngest (age 12) would be really up for it and our eldest (15) would be quite unsure. How wrong I was the eldest said have we booked the tickets and the youngest wanted to go but was a little more apprehensive about the friend thing. Anyway, after a talk he decided that it would be a good idea and is really behind it all now.

 

Our situation is a little similar to yours I am originally from Port Noarlunga but came to the UK 34 years ago and we are now going back to my home massive step but hey you only live once!

 

So my advice would be to tell them ASAP it also gives them time to get used to it all but I also think it depends on your children.

 

Good Luck

 

mis

[Guest AngPhil]

We told our two boys what we were thinking before we'd got our visa. They have been involved all the way along and we have discussed with them every step. My oldest started secondary last September and has had a year there, it has really boosted his confidence. They have been doing a project on Australia at school and he's been full of it. We don't arrive in Adelaide until 3rd August, but I do think it has made it easier so far.

 

The main concern for the boys is starting a new school and making friends (as we don't know anyone). They are feeling a bit better about it as we have said they can help decide which school they go to.

 

Good luck

 

Ang x

[IrishStew]

I don't think there is a right or wrong answer, you know your kids best, do what your heart tells you.

 

We told ours very early, 4years ago and we are still not there yet (trying to sell the house). I'm glad we did. Although its taken much longer than anticipated it has allowed the Kids to get used to the idea. At first the our boy (now 14) cried and our girl (now 16) was delighted. But that all changed as she started to form deeper relationships with her friends. Now she is mature enough to know that in teenage years friends come and go and is looking forward to the move. The wee lad is now very accepting. I think the time lapse has allowed them to go through a range of emotions and now come to a settle and rational view point. We have asked them to stay with us in OZ (its a big place) until until they finish University. Which would be beyond what we could really expect, but they feel they are not tied forever.

 

I must admit I am a bit cautious of the idea of "we all agree to go or we don't do it" I worry that it can make the children feel to much pressure and perhaps making them feel that it all hangs on them. Even teenage rebels like certainty and direction, they just need to be able to say No and later change there minds. But hey - their all different - I can only talk from my limited experience.

 

Have fun!!!!!!

 

IrishStew (OH)

[Guest Paula H]

We told our two boys what we were thinking before we'd got our visa. They have been involved all the way along and we have discussed with them every step. My oldest started secondary last September and has had a year there, it has really boosted his confidence. They have been doing a project on Australia at school and he's been full of it. We don't arrive in Adelaide until 3rd August, but I do think it has made it easier so far.

 

The main concern for the boys is starting a new school and making friends (as we don't know anyone). They are feeling a bit better about it as we have said they can help decide which school they go to.

 

Good luck

 

Ang x

 

 

My eldest started secondary sch last sept too.... He will start in the October term in Adelaide and then high school in January, a bit daunting for him but he is cool, reckons he can make more friends this way.

We have been upfront & open since the start xx

[Guest guest8040]

I think a lot depends on the age of the children. Ours (7 & 4) only got told when we got the visa otherwise the previous 16 months would have been too long a time to wait for them or comprehend the process, as it is we're not planning to go until mar/apr next year and they keep asking when so we've now had to tell them after Christmas so they understand in their limited concept of time! No doubt Boxing Day will come round and they'll expect to be boarding a plane!

[Guest Edvaldo]

We told our two very quickly after we made the decision. I think they were 8 and 10 at the time. As far as my wife and I were concerned it was non-negotiable, one of those decisions parents make that affects their kids. We obviously aren't doing it to ruin their lives and hope it'll be the best thing for them, and us. We haven't moved to the other side of the world before and don't have a crystal ball, so let's face it, we're taking a chance on it working out. Our view was that our kids weren't in a better position than us to make a decision, that they were unlikely to see the bigger picture, and that they'll adapt. Maybe you might think we're harsh but I think the kids feel comfortable with our confidence. It can be disingenuous (IMO) to suggest they have a say and then disregard it and go anyway, or spend ages pressuring them (even subtly) to change their mind to the answer that you want. The sooner they know the sooner they can get used to the idea. When ours started their new schools in the UK they new it was only temporary. I don't think its abnormal for them to feel anxious in anyway, and there's nothing wrong with that. Good luck with whatever you decide.

[Guest AngPhil]

It can be disingenuous (IMO) to suggest they have a say and then disregard it and go anyway, or spend ages pressuring them (even subtly) to change their mind to the answer that you want. The sooner they know the sooner they can get used to the idea.

Agreed, but letting them make some of the decisions helps too. Our 2 chose the short term let and they are really chuffed with that, as are we because it worked out the cheapest!

[Guest Katangel]

oh i agree with you edvaldo that its a decision we make as parents and we have to do what we think is best for us and our kids. i would never leave the decision up to a child or give them an option. when they are a responsible adult they can make their own decisions but til then its do as i say lol i think we'll tell them through the summer break when my parents visit us in the uk. they too don't know yet so we can just tell everyone then i guess and gives everyone a year to get use to it. my oldest one does miss australia, we watched poms in paradise on ITV last week and he loved it and i always tell them that if we win lotto we're moving back to oz and they seem ok with that and even agree lol my younger son is autistic so he's not bothered :-) thanks for all the advice, it has definitely helped x x

[Guest Katangel]

we have the advantage though that they already know what they are going to, all they worry about is making friends really :-)

[Guest Edvaldo]

Agreed, but letting them make some of the decisions helps too. Our 2 chose the short term let and they are really chuffed with that, as are we because it worked out the cheapest!

 

Maybe we'll let them decide what clothes they can wear on the plane j/k. We'll definitely get their input on a whole host of things when we go, not sure what we'll let them decide but I think we'll try and find something. I like the idea.

[Guest charlie&donna]

We've been in a similar situation with our two kids, 11 and 6, but we've kept them involved all the way, and having been knocked back by vetassess last year after six months to re-think and re-apply under a different skill it looks closer than ever (awaiting answer from State Sponsorship). One of the things we've done is to get the kids talking about what they are worrried about and what they are looking forward to. We've also set them tasks to plan a day out in Adelaide (the 6 year old had to plan a day at Adelaide Zoo-so got to research what's there etc) and the 11 year old had to plan a day out to watch the Crows (having been watching them on ESPN). This has helped to give them a bit of confidence. They also do Judo here, so we have looked at what clubs there are nearby and started to make contact through facebook with the clubs they've found. We've tried to get them to look at what's not different to being in the UK (cinema's, swimming pools, climbing/bouldering clubs etc.).

 

We're of the opinion that they need to be involved in things that are going to affect them directly otherwise they wont be able to tell us what their concerns are.

 

Leaving their school friends behind is the biggest issue, but we've said we will set up skype for them, email accounts, contact details with their parents on facebook etc. Although it does help that we have quite a few family in Australia already so we know they can chat/play with kids they know (of).

 

Each parent has their own methods and will only know how their kids will react to certain situations. This has worked for us, but may not for others.

 

Still its a good mix of fear and excitement though isnt it?

[Guest moonraker1959]

I'm with Misplaced on this issue.When I separated from my aussie ex husband,my girls and I discussed our options,and we spoke about moving to the UK for 18mths before we actually moved.My kids were 11 and 9 yrs of age at that time.Had they of protested,we would of definately stayed in Adelaide,no doubt about that!It was really important to me that they were in agreement,and that their own happiness was paramount to anything else.I was "forced"to emigrate with my parents to Adelaide from the UK when I was 9,so I guess I was more sensitive to all that kind of stuff.Yes I realise that age 9,kids need direction ect,but moving 10,000 miles is a huge change,and it affects the WHOLE family.