Having a nightmare!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Guest thecollinsbunch]

:arghh:Hi pio

serious advice needed??? my husband and i and three children decided to emergrate at christmas after a lot of research and talking,we spoke to my parents and they was very suportive .But now i can see the effect it is having on my mum ,she is devaststed and it is making her ill at the thought of us going ,she would never say she dosn't want us to go but i told my husband i was having second thoughts and he is so upset and said i should think of the future of our children and iam being selfish.ARRHHH what a situation i have got myself in?it feels like i have to choose between my husbands wishes and the future of my family or breaking my mums heart.We havnt applied for visa yet so i thought i should be honest about my feelings before we shelled out serious money,at the time we got a agent i really thought i could go through with it but under estermated my mums feelings what should i do!!!! is Adelaide worth all this heart ache?

julie:arghh:

[Guest SA Great]

:arghh:Hi pio

serious advice needed??? my husband and i and three children decided to emergrate at christmas after a lot of research and talking,we spoke to my parents and they was very suportive .But now i can see the effect it is having on my mum ,she is devaststed and it is making her ill at the thought of us going ,she would never say she dosn't want us to go but i told my husband i was having second thoughts and he is so upset and said i should think of the future of our children and iam being selfish.ARRHHH what a situation i have got myself in?it feels like i have to choose between my husbands wishes and the future of my family or breaking my mums heart.We havnt applied for visa yet so i thought i should be honest about my feelings before we shelled out serious money,at the time we got a agent i really thought i could go through with it but under estermated my mums feelings what should i do!!!! is Adelaide worth all this heart ache?

julie:arghh:

 

To a certain degree emigrating is a selfish decision to make but at the end of the day you have to live your life and not spend your final days in a nursing home thinking "I wish we had emigrated!!". I have never seen my dad cry until we emigrated and I was stunned but you have to think of yourself. AND it will give your mum somewhere to go on holiday!! I would say be honest with yourself and if you really want to do it....then do it.

[Guest BAZnDAF]

Hi Julie,

 

Not an easy one to answer to be honest! As a family unit you all have to want to go. Its really a decission you have to make between you and your hubby. I am sure that anyone who is migrating would find their parents upset about it.

 

Good luck.

 

Barry

[Guest Hansonhouse]

I do feel for you, it is awful when you realise how much people are going to miss you. You say that you made the decision together after a lot of research and thought. This suggests that you all seriously want to do this. Yes Adelaide is worth it, it's fantastic but it's very different and you have to be quite open minded and prepared to change your lifestyle to fit with what jobs you can do, where your kids are happiest etc. Our lives have changed a great deal but for the better, more freedom, less obligations (particularly family), less money too but much more time with the kids and as a family, work life balance much better but very different.

We speak with family regularly, but fortnightly and not planned, spontaneously. My mum & dad were great and very supportive (even though neither of them have flown before and I know will never visit) but my sister was heartbroken and told me that I may as well have told her that I had 18 months to live when I first told her of our plans!!! She is visiting in November and my mother & sister in law are coming in August. I often want to bring my family to visit and miss having them just around the corner but I think we have also benefitted from doing things on our own too. Not once have I yearned for home, I don't miss the UK one bit because it's soo good here, we love it, but we do miss people.

sorry for long response but hope it's helpful a little bit

Roz

[Guest countdown1975]

Hi Julie,

I understand how you feel. It is a very emotional time - I had been very upbeat about moving for ages and thought I wouldn't feel so bad because I live in ireland, my sister lives in the Uk and my parents live in Cyprus and I only get to see them once/twice a year (in person) max so would be used to the fact I wouldn't see them as often as I did years ago. We are a very close family and I was used to seeing them all the time.

I went over to Cyprus as a suprise for my Dads 60th in March and the 4 of us with our hubbies were all together and when we were going home I just had a complete meltdown - couldn't stop crying thinking what am I doing moving round the world and I don't know when I will see people again because of the expense and just the pure distance involved.

 

My family have been very supportive and say despite the fact they are really going to miss me say I have to give it a go otherwise I will regret it and they have every confidence that things will work out and we will have a much better life than we have now.

You can't put things on hold for the sake of someone else - think what the situation would be in reverse and they were going. Really think about it but if you believe you will be happy giving Australia a go then go for it.

All the best with your decisions

Vicki :-)

[Guest thecollinsbunch]

Thanks guys your advise is really helpful!!! (WATCH THIS SPACE)JULIE X

[Riponian]

Hi

 

Julie like many have said it is only a decision you can make together and it is right that you get all this out in the open before spending loads of money. We have not got there yet but we are there almost.

I know in the long run it will be the best decision for us as a family for all the reasons people have mentioned above. I am under no illusion though it is going to be hard and I am going to miss my dad terribly (he has cancer and don't know how long he will be around for) and my inlaws are going to miss the kids but it is not enough of a reason to stay for us.

Everyone one here is very friendly and will always help you out, someone recommended to me a website called http://www.thehappymigrant.com/ I have not used it yet but I know it's there if I need it.

 

Good luck with what ever you decide. If you want to PM me you can.

[Guest Lisado]

Hi there

 

I know 100% how you feel. My parents and my husbands parents are devastated. They were fine when we were applying for visa but once we got it and then said "we fly 4 Sept" then they have gone into a decline. My dad said he will never see us again (hes 74) and that broke my heart but I have adopted a selfish hard attitude. THey have had their life and we are just beginning ours. My husband wants to go so much and I am going with him and my kids. THey are my wee family and I will do anything I can to make them happy and happy life for my children.

 

I wanted my leaving do in Scotland and booked for holiday to then fly from Glasgow but my mam has said she will hate Scotland for ever and it will be like the Last Supper so we have cancelled it!!

 

I think you need to think about you and what kind of life you want. Your mam can always visit and would never have to spend another winter here - thats how we selling it to our parents.

 

Lots of luck and drop me a PM if you want

 

Lisa

[Guest ems]

Hi Julie.

I really felt for you reading your post as it is something the majority of people go through. What everyone has said is so true, the people you are leaving behind will find it hard but you need to focus on what you want for your/your families future. Believe me there will be plenty of ups and downs where family/friends are concerned, i have been here 4 months and i can't count the amount of times i have had my mum on the phone in tears (not intentionally). She is so happy for my daughter and i and although misses us dearly believes we will have a better future in Oz.

Chin up and do what you believe is best. Good luck Julie.x

[Guest Trakki]

My mum and Dad were going to make the move years ago before me and my brother came along but due to my Nans ill health didn't, she died a few years later and they had lost that window of opportunity. They then decided to look into it again but didn't have the skills needed or the money to do it and always regretted it. Sadly my Dad then died at the age of 57 and my mum travelled around Australia on her own for 3 months. She fell in love with the place and I remember her saying how much they had regretted the decision based on an elderly relative when they could have had a different life for me and my brother. When I told her we were thinking about making the move she was behind us 100% and said that we must do what is right for our family, ie me, Pete and the children and not what we thought was right for relatives. She has been fab the whole time and even ended up giving us the money for the container and flights after our hous sale fell through. My brother was devestated but can now see that what we did was right for our family.

 

WHat I am trying to say is the same as many others that you have to think about your family and what is right for you as a family unit, don't do what my parents did and stay behind because of a relative. My Dad regretted it til the day he died and never got to even visit Australia something that I am sad for on his behalf.

 

Good luck and remember sometimes you have to be selfish for the sake of your children but thats life and I am sure in time your mum will come round to the idea, I would advise that you keep her in the loop, inform her what is happening every step of the way, showing her your research etc, then she will feel part of it and feel like you do think about her in all this and she will feel involved.

[Guest heather&dean]

Hi

 

I do feel for you. You were brave to tell your family before applying for visa. We have medicals on Monday and I still haven't told my mum, but we do live two hours away and it's something I don't want to say over the phone. She knows that we've always wanted to emigrate, so I'm hoping that she doesn't react too negatively .

 

But I think you should do what you want to do, because if you don't you may become resentful towards your mum.

 

Good luck, Heather

[Guest TheTodds]

Hi

I completely get where you are coming from. I have been through the exact same thing over the last 18 months. My mum is devastated and to make things worse we are taking her first grand daughter away who she and my dad adore. It is heartbreaking and I just don't know how I'm gonna get on that plane in September. I think this site is great and really keeps me going.

At times I feel things are getting easier and they are beginning to accept our decision but in reality we are not allowed to talk about the move with them as they get upset and that just makes it harder.

I'm considering taking my mum to a hotel for a night so we can chill out and have a few wines and a good cry. I hate the thought of going without properly having talked over our plans with her!

I will miss them so much and just thinking about it makes me cry on a regular basis (I'm a right softie) but deep down I know it is the right thing to do for my own little family.

Good luck to you and I hope you decide to do the right thing!

Helen.

[HEAPS GOOD !!!]

To a certain degree emigrating is a selfish decision to make but at the end of the day you have to live your life and not spend your final days in a nursing home thinking "I wish we had emigrated!!". I have never seen my dad cry until we emigrated and I was stunned but you have to think of yourself. AND it will give your mum somewhere to go on holiday!! I would say be honest with yourself and if you really want to do it....then do it.

 

It is possibly one of the most heart wrenching things you could ever do to yourself and your family.

 

I left a my lil boy from a previous relationship back in the yUK and it hurts me so much when i talk to him on the phone or skype.

 

but the question you have to ask yourself is, not is Adelaide worth all the heartache but is your kids future, a better lifestyle, and all the the reasons you looked at migrating in the first place worth the heartache of leaving friends and family back in the yUK...the only person who can make that decision is yourselves.

 

We came here and thought if it does fail least we can look back on it in years to come and say well least we ave it a shot.

 

But here we are, loving it....and starting to build our own place, which we couldn't even dream about doing back in the yUK.

 

Use this place for all your questions, queries, letting of steam and all things to do with migrating.....the folks on here are awesome they will always give you advice on whatever you ask about..sometimes it may not be what you want to hear but you will get some info.

 

Hope this helps

 

 

HG

[Guest cunnah10]

Hi

I completely get where you are coming from. I have been through the exact same thing over the last 18 months. My mum is devastated and to make things worse we are taking her first grand daughter away who she and my dad adore. It is heartbreaking and I just don't know how I'm gonna get on that plane in September. I think this site is great and really keeps me going.

At times I feel things are getting easier and they are beginning to accept our decision but in reality we are not allowed to talk about the move with them as they get upset and that just makes it harder.

I'm considering taking my mum to a hotel for a night so we can chill out and have a few wines and a good cry. I hate the thought of going without properly having talked over our plans with her!

I will miss them so much and just thinking about it makes me cry on a regular basis (I'm a right softie) but deep down I know it is the right thing to do for my own little family.

Good luck to you and I hope you decide to do the right thing!

Helen.

Helen i can relate to your situation sooooo much!!!

[Guest Pies]

Loads of sympathy - going through the same right now, talking is the key. Often it is those left behind who feel hard done by..........despite the fact that, in our case, they did exactly the same thing 30 years ago!!!!

 

Keep the faith

 

Pies

[minty]

Hi there, we have only just started the process and i have no other family so for me it will be easy but a diferent story for the wife. Her perents are 78 and 70 and her dad cannot fly so if we get the visa she will be in effect saying goodbye forever to her dad. A massive price to pay for what we think is our future but since out holiday in April she is determined this is what she wants to do. We have not told them yet but in all honesty they are not stupid and know we loved it out there. We will tell them soon so they can get used to it if thats possible. If there was doubts then i think i would have a long hard look at the situation, i wonder what percentage of people who return is down to missing family a big proportion i would guess. If my wife pulled the plug then i could not critisise her as its a dicision i will never have to make (honestly hope she dosent). Only you can answer your doubts and weigh up the pros and cons. Good luck.

[Guest simon from spain]

Hi I am Simons wife, we left the uk 5 years ago and moved to Spain. It was the hardest thing I have ever done leaving everyone you love.

 

I still remember the morning we left my mums and I felt my heart break into a million peices. I will never forget that feeling as long as I live BUT after time it gets easier, you will always miss your loved ones but you DO get used to it. I suppose you do harden up a little after a while, well you have to really otherwise there is no point in trying your dream.

 

When we were first in Spain I spent the first 5 months dwelling on all my friends and family back in the uk, then one day I thought ok if we are really going to try this then I have to pull myself together and look at what we have come here for.

 

Obviously we have made the decision to leave Spain and move to Australia, mainly because of the language but when we made the decision we had a totally different outlook which was, ok what do we all want as a family for us (meaning Simon, me and the kids).

 

I now feel so excited about moving to Australia and have no fears or worries at all (well apart from the spiders lol). I would not go back to the UK just because of family. They have got used to not having us just around the corner and vice versa. We talk to our families on Skype, I email and keep in touch with friends on facebook.

 

When we first thought of moving to Spain my brother said to me "try it and if you dont like it then come back, simple" I do appreciate that moving to Spain is cheaper than Oz.

 

Someone else said to me " if you want to give it a go then take the bull by the horns and do it, if you keep questioning it you will ALWAYS find a reason not to do it.

 

Also the amount of people here in Spain who have said to us during this whole mind numbing, very expensive, draining, want to pull your hair out application process (that will all be worth it) " oh we wanted to go Oz when we were younger but did not go because of family or because they lost the nerve" it is incredible and they all regret not giving it a go.

Nothing is forever, if you REALLY want to try it then what can it hurt to TRY!!!! Good luck with your decision. x