help im going crazy

[Guest clare]

Just wondering if any1 has experienced these horrid feelings im having, been here 7 1/2 months now me, hubby a chef and our daughters 6 an 9. after a very rocky start 8 jobs between us, money being tight, lost 2 really special people in our lives that was a huge blow Hubby got a good job hours are great and he is home every night massive bonus in this industry!!! Girls settled straight away its like they were born her!

And then there was me........ ive had the most horrendous homesickness eva, dont miss the place but miss family and friends so badly.

We had a fab xmas and new year and friends have been great and i thought i was turning a corner i really did and then all of a sudden i appear to have done a uey! lol

Just thinking i dont know what ive done etc and then i get feelings of such selfishness as my daughters love it so much and hubby wud never have a job like he has now if we were to go back. I know i need to give it two years and i will i just dont want these years to be ones with regret. I just wish i cud stop having these selfish moments and think about the 3 most important people in my life, but i generally dont feel like "i'm meant to be here" nor that i belong here either. I'm in no way dissing Adelaide its a lovely place and we've had some amazing times here already. Just wondered if any1 else has had feelings like this because i feel very alone right now, thanks for listening!

[Guest The Dimmocks]

Hi Clare, sorry to hear you still struggling with settling here. If you ever want to meet up just text me. Even if you just want to have a good moan I quite happy to listen and help if I can x

[Guest guest3462]

Clare, what you are feeling are completely normal emotions that a lot of people go through when we make this huge change in our lives. It sounds like you are having a hard time at the moment but time is a great healer and if you are having fun in between, things will hopefully settle down for you. Have you spoken to your husband about it? It's hard for me to say I know what you mean as I haven't really ever felt homesick and my life is much more fulfilled here than it ever was back in the UK, but I can sypathise with you and give you a sounding board if you need one.

The first 12 months is the hardest time for everyone as you have to completely start again, and it isn't as easy as tv programmes and magazines in the UK make out. You have accomplished so much in your first 8 months here that you couldn't have thought possible a year ago and for that you should be proud of yourself. Making the move and starting new friendships and a brand new home life is difficult to say the least, and we have to remember that we do here in the first 6 months what takes years of hard work in the UK!! It sounds like you have managed to settle into that aspect pretty well.

Please don't feel selfish, there are times when you are allowed to think "what the hell are we doing?" we all do it and there is nothing wrong with it. You need to talk with your family though and let them know how down you feel about it all, perhaps just by letting it all out you might start to feel better, or you could perhaps plan a holiday back to the UK to visit your loved ones.

As harsh as this seems for me to say (and I don't want to upset or offend you) but their lives will be carrying on in the UK like nothing ever changed and even though they will be missing you like crazy too, it probably won't be having the same effect on them, their jobs, homelife and social lives will not have changed and they won't have just put themselves through hell trying to make a better life for the family like you have done. When we went back, it was for the the first time in 2 years and I was actually shocked to find that nothing had changed at all with anyone.....they all sat in exactly the same seats in the pub, held the same topic of conversation and it pretty much felt like time had stood still for them while our lives had changed so dramatically for the better and we had all moved on so much!!!!

Please don't feel like you are alone in this, you are not!!! The friends you make here will become your family and you must use them as such. Talk it through with everyone and I really hope that you start to feel better soon. If you need a stranger to offload to just drop me a pm. I can't cast a magic spell but I can listen and I can be there for you.

Take care

Julia x

[Guest clare]

Thanks Michelle, youve been kind in the past an i appreiciate it xx

[Guest clare]

Thanks church1 yes my hubby knows how im feeling he's been my rock through this, i just feel we are wanting different things and it scares the hell out of me because i wonder where we will go with it. Thanks for your kind words i know their lives are carrying on as normal you didnt upset or offend me as i know this is the case im just feeling so lost and i guess just uncomfortable with myself.

[Diane]

If it helps, it's perfectly normal! I remember going through exactly the same thing, and feeling awful because it was me who had been the driving force to come out here really. My lowest point was when the kids were at school, I was in the kitchen alone and REM's Everybody Hurts came on the radio!! I can remember crouching on the floor, absolutely howling. In fact, when we'd been here about six months I must have sounded so down on the phone to my folks that straight away they booked a trip out here to see us, bless them.

 

All you can do really is force yourself to go out and do something for yourself, whether it's a walk in a local park, taking yourself out for breakfast at a cafe (I found buying a copy of the International Express to read helped remind me of several reasons why here was better than there - maybe not completely true, but you can rely on that paper to make it sound really bad in the UK anyway!)

 

Just take each day at a time, and it does get better eventually, honest.

 

 

 

[Guest Team 'W']

Hi clare

 

Just keep thinking why you came out here, better life for the kids,do more stuff as a family,BETTER WEATHER ,lol ,ect ...

It is really not easy when you arrive [for some people they drop on their feet] which is great, for others its a fight all the way till your settled..if some ever get settled !!

So all the feelings you are having is natural, happy times ,sad times, emotional times , angry times...they are all good feelings to have [maybe you dont think so at the time ,but they are] they make you into the person you are today hunny...

 

Think about WHAT IF you went back , yes every body would be thrilled to bits and there will be a lot going on party's cos your back seeing old friends again, meeting up with family and so on ...BUT that will only happen for a short while ,people will still have THEIR own lives ,go THEIR own way do their OWN thing , cos then it turns into just anuther day ,and you will be going thru the whole process of finding jobs again ,schools again !!

 

So i hope ive made it a little bit more clearer and not threw a spanner in the works ,whatever you decide to do i think you will make the best decision ever for you and your family,but please give it two yrs, you really really do need this long ....

 

I so hope you get back up on top and start to enjoy your life over here BUT i can relate to how you are feeling i was once there ,but heart rules head sometimes and things are not clear, but honestly good luck in what follows next, wether its here or there ...just keep busy ...

 

Good Luck clare .. elaine x

[Scousemouse]

Oh Clare,

you are not alone in this................

 

one day, after about 6 months here, i broke down crying for no bloody reason that i could see.............i suddenly missed my dad and brother, my best friend, my god children............i hadnt had a holiday for 2 years; the costs for moving here sort of excluded them, especially as i worked away from home and had other expenses; we had bought a house, the kids settled in and made friends...............but my word, i cried for about 20 minutes; and i still miss these things after 2 years here.

 

It does ease, and yes, you get into things through friends, kids outings etc; but really you will miss "home" sometimes.

 

You are NOT selfish, you are a person in your own right, and yes, its ok to put yourself first once in a while!! Thing is, once you settle, and realise why you made the move, not just for your family, but for YOU.......it suddenly becomes "normal" to be here.

 

Hope things ease quickly, all the best

Jane

[Guest kangomik]

It's natural, I know someone who had to fly back, same as you money was tight etc but something just would not settle. Had two weeks back with family came back met up with hubby and kids and said she knew where home was.

 

The mind's a powerful thing

[Dawn&Andy]

we've been here almost 3 years and i have days like this quite often now and i was one of those that had settled from the start, my hubby got sick a few months ago and at that time my head asked me where i would wanna be had something of happened to him and my head chose the uk, thankfully he made a full recovery but ever since ive had those awful days where i just dont wanna be here, which has totally thrown a spanner in the works for us cos we was all set to stay, now given the choice i dont know if id go back or stay, hubby loves it here, kids love it here, so im happily staying here to keep my family happy for now, so i just keep myself as busy as possible and maybe things will change again for me. Who knows what the future holds for any of us eh, we can only live each day as it comes and it will pan out how its meant to be i believe, stay strong and whats meant to be will be:) it might well pass as quickly as it came to to head, well thats what i keep telling myself anyway

 

Dawn x

[Guest moonraker1959]

I reckon its completely normal to be feeling that way.Don't beat yourself up over it either,its not selfish to miss people,just shows you care about them alot!Its easy when you are planning your new life,to underestimate just how much you will miss that family contact/closeness.You get so caught up planning,organising ect,and rightly so.Yes you probably did consider how you would feel later down the track,but its not actually real until its happening.No one can predict how they'll feel.Be kind to yourself and know those feelings will pass.Sometimes they will rear their ugly head,when its someone's birthday,Xmas,or when you just need to offload to someone.Do you have skype set up?I talk to my family/friends often(I'm in the UK)and that helps alot!As time goes on you will make close friends,and gradually those feelings will subside.Try to focus on the positives,and start each day,going through your mind what you have to be grateful for.

[Guest brianlynnette]

Clare, what you are feeling are completely normal emotions that a lot of people go through when we make this huge change in our lives. It sounds like you are having a hard time at the moment but time is a great healer and if you are having fun in between, things will hopefully settle down for you. Have you spoken to your husband about it? It's hard for me to say I know what you mean as I haven't really ever felt homesick and my life is much more fulfilled here than it ever was back in the UK, but I can sypathise with you and give you a sounding board if you need one.

The first 12 months is the hardest time for everyone as you have to completely start again, and it isn't as easy as tv programmes and magazines in the UK make out. You have accomplished so much in your first 8 months here that you couldn't have thought possible a year ago and for that you should be proud of yourself. Making the move and starting new friendships and a brand new home life is difficult to say the least, and we have to remember that we do here in the first 6 months what takes years of hard work in the UK!! It sounds like you have managed to settle into that aspect pretty well.

Please don't feel selfish, there are times when you are allowed to think "what the hell are we doing?" we all do it and there is nothing wrong with it. You need to talk with your family though and let them know how down you feel about it all, perhaps just by letting it all out you might start to feel better, or you could perhaps plan a holiday back to the UK to visit your loved ones.

As harsh as this seems for me to say (and I don't want to upset or offend you) but their lives will be carrying on in the UK like nothing ever changed and even though they will be missing you like crazy too, it probably won't be having the same effect on them, their jobs, homelife and social lives will not have changed and they won't have just put themselves through hell trying to make a better life for the family like you have done. When we went back, it was for the the first time in 2 years and I was actually shocked to find that nothing had changed at all with anyone.....they all sat in exactly the same seats in the pub, held the same topic of conversation and it pretty much felt like time had stood still for them while our lives had changed so dramatically for the better and we had all moved on so much!!!!

Please don't feel like you are alone in this, you are not!!! The friends you make here will become your family and you must use them as such. Talk it through with everyone and I really hope that you start to feel better soon. If you need a stranger to offload to just drop me a pm. I can't cast a magic spell but I can listen and I can be there for you.

Take care

Julia x

Hi julia lynnette here just wanted to say what brill things you say all the time, you are never negative and what you say is right, i love reading what comments you make you really give people some good sound advice and always speak the truth, we hope to be out there soon just waiting for brians medical to be done (jan 28th) then hopefully itll go thru straight away look forward to reading your next reply haha:biglaugh:

[Guest clare]

just wanted to say thankyou for all your lovely replies and comments and pm's ive come to realize that its actually ok to feel this way. @ moonraker its my youngest daughters birthday tommorow and i think that has a bit to do with it we usually have family and friends around this year we are going to the zoo and really looking forwards to it.

I think alot of these feelings are due to isolation i live in happy valley i drive but dnt have a car as hubby has it at work 6 days a wk when im out im ok but stay in and thats me.

Im going to start looking for work again hopefully that will also help the situation.

Im gonna take these next 18 months and put it down as experience i dont need to plan what will happen then what will be will be i suppose if im here or there, im sure it will be the right move thanks once again for a pick-me up some very kind words have been said to me xx