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    Thread: Does the heart wrench get any worse ???

    1. #11
      Hi all,

      We are in the same boat as fatman having older children in the UK, who have now had children of thier own in the 4 years we have been here. The guilt does really hits me sometimes, and I know that my daughters in the UK blame me for taking thier Brother and 4 year old sister 12000 miles away.

      We now have 3 grandchildren (one we haven't seen yet) in the UK, and to be honest we find the only way to deal with it is to not discuss it. People have mentioned skype but my daughters find it too stressful and get upset when we finished a session on there.

      Our dream was that maybe the daughters may follow us out here, but with thier partners families now in the frame it's made it harder for them.

      Leaving families behind in the UK started way back in the era of the 10 pound poms, I know because it split our family up in the 1960's. But every parent wants the best for thier children, an IMO Australia has delivered that to our 2 children here (8 and 21).

      We have also gone through the trauma of a sudden death in the close family { my wife's twin brother**. The shock of that phone call and the feeling of being so far away is something I hope none of you go through.

      Adelaide has been our home since we first arrived, we love it here, but that pain of missing our children is still with us. But that's the circle of life, you have kids and they leave to have a family of thier own.

      Now everyone wish me luck with those 6 numbers on Saturday.............:)

    2. #12

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Jan 2011
      65 times
      We are expats that lived in the UK for the past 13 years, were married here and had our kiddies here. Since the kids arrived, i missed home terribly. Some days are better, but it never goes away. I think going to Aus would not be as bad for us now as it is for others emmigrating for the first time as we already said our goodbyes years ago. It is really expensive to for visits and sometimes we only manage a holiday with family once every two years and it is so hard to see our parents upset and missing their grand children's growing up and everything with it. As i said before, it never really goes away the heart ache, but you learn to live with it.

    3. #13
      Hi, just reading all your stories as we are looking to go out this year if medicals come back ok, we are in the same boat really as my mum now 85 and not well health means if we go that will probably be the last time we see her, she so wants us to get out of this place she actually said she won't die before she sees us settled in Oz so i just don't know what to do now, when we first started this it was around 2 years ago and my 2 eldest lads 18 & 21 now was coming with us but now they have settled down they want to stay and come out later which again is another strain but to top it off my 6 year old dog is going to cost around 4000 with the flights and quarantine which i just haven't got but she is my partner in crime so i just can't leave her with anyone. what to do is a real test of the heart so i know what some people go through to try get a better life for the younger generation, oh well i've depressed you all enough now but really hope it all works out for you all.

    4. #14

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      May 2008
      269 times
      Well I was one of the kids who emigrated to Adelaide with parents way back in 1970,except I left Adelaide 10 years ago with my aussie kids to return to the UK to live.All my family,Mum,brothers and sisters all still live in SA.My Mum is approaching 80,and has numerous health problems so is a constant concern to me.Its just not easy whatever way you look at it,and as someone else has said you learn to live with it.My brothers/sisters have made me feel quite guilty at times for leaving,which is'nt very nice to deal with.I've also been excluded from some family weddings,one last year in fact was my nephews,and we did'nt get an invite!Nice!I think you have to be a strong type of person to emigrate in the first place,and it makes it even harder if you are particularly close to your family.Its not easy for those you are leaving behind,but it does help to show some compassion towards them.When you have kids,you don't expect them to be living 10,000 miles away from you,so if they are upset,its of course only natural.

    5. #15

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Nov 2010
      Aberfoyle park
      47 times
      It is very difficult to leave family behind in the UK, when we arrived in Australia in late 2004, we left the UK as my parents moved to Cyprus. We had many difficulties in Oz and decided that at least back in the UK we had family and my parents were not to far away. We returned to the UK in Aug 2005. However we quickly realised that since my parents had moved, I only saw them yearly and contact with my sister was limited and my brother moved to Germany. My husbands family lived close by but were not close. Other than his mother they moved around the UK and contact again was yearly. We moved back to OZ last september, since our main reason for being back in UK was for family. I still feel guilty for leaving them, even my parents that don't even live in the UK, and I worry about when they get older or ill. None of our families have any intention of visiting us in Oz and we will not be able to afford to go back very often. You will always miss your family and wonder if you have done the right thing moving away, but will always regret the decision not to if you let the opportunity pass by.

    6. #16

      Senior Member
      Join Date
      Jun 2008
      Highbury, SA
      4221 times
      It's never going to be easy. We moved here with the kids who were the only grandchildren on both sides at the time and to make it even worse on my Dad, who adores my kids, we flew out on his birthday! I don't know what I was thinking of...

      However, since we've been here we've been lucky enough to have both pairs of parents visit an an almost annual basis, and my brother, my sister, and sister in law have all been for visits. With my brother and sister, we were never particularly close in the UK, got together occasionally but everyone has their own lives. When they were visiting though, it was really quality time together. We had time to chat, they saw the kids in all their moods(!), we had long wine-y dinners together... we probably got to know each other better in those short weeks together than we had in the previous 20-odd years living in the same country!

      Unlike most on here, I've never been able to get to grips with Skype properly - probably because my family all talk over each other when together so Skype is hopeless for us - but we have long, cheap phone chats, swap emails etc, probably - again - more than we'd bothered to do in the UK.

      No, it's not ideal, and I do dread the day we get one of 'those' phone calls, but I just wanted to say that there are unexpected up-sides sometimes.

      My husbands brother now lives in Adelaide too, and to be honest, I chat to my brother and sister in the UK just as often as he does to his brother here! (Mind you, he's a man....!!)
      Sometimes the grass will appear greener on the other side because it has been fertilised by bull****


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