Aussie moving back from the UK

[Guest BackToAdelaide]

Hi, I posted this on Pomsinoz and was directed over to the Pomsinadelaide site.

 

I'm an Aussie who's been in Blighty for 7 years now and my English boyfriend is currently awaiting his partner visa so we can make the big move to Adelaide. I know that I can't expect things to be just as they were when I left (or maybe they will be, even scarier!) but any tips on making the move back would be appreciated. Thanks

[Guest SusieOR]

What kind of tips are you looking for???

 

When are you moving to Oz...

 

Good Luck

 

Sx

[Guest BackToAdelaide]

Anything that people who have made the return home have been surprised about, unprepared for etc. I'm very excited about going home but I know it's going to be challenging getting used to life back in Aus, especially as Adelaide is a lot quieter than London where I work (although I'm looking forward to the more laid back pace of life).

 

Also, any tips for helping my OH settle in. I'm conscious of the fact that I'm returning home whereas he's moving halfway round the world to a place he's visited only once before briefly.

 

We're still waiting for his partner visa to be granted but we expect it sometime in September so hopefully we'll be able to move by the end of October this year.

[Guest SusieOR]

Anything that people who have made the return home have been surprised about, unprepared for etc. I'm very excited about going home but I know it's going to be challenging getting used to life back in Aus, especially as Adelaide is a lot quieter than London where I work (although I'm looking forward to the more laid back pace of life).

 

Also, any tips for helping my OH settle in. I'm conscious of the fact that I'm returning home whereas he's moving halfway round the world to a place he's visited only once before briefly.

 

We're still waiting for his partner visa to be granted but we expect it sometime in September so hopefully we'll be able to move by the end of October this year.

 

I dont know about the first part because we are still waiting for our visa!!!

 

But... re your OH

 

I'm an english person who moved to Ireland with my fella... & I think the most important thing for me which helped me settle the most, is finding my own friends, being able to do my own thing sometimes separate to my hubby... because otherwise it can feel pretty lonely & he will find that he is relying on you too much!!!

 

Good Luck Sx

[Sallyh]

Have been meaning to find a time to come back to this thread!!!

 

We've done it very similarly to you - we moved to Adelaide after my DH had been in the UK for about 9 years. Some of it will be specific to your own circle of family and friends in Adelaide, and so not everything I say about our experience will be relevant.

 

Over the 10 yrs I'd known and then been married to DH, we visited Adelaide several times. So my own experience of moving as an English person going overseas, was that I knew Adelaide quite well, knew DH's family very well, and there were no surprises for me. So in that sense, moving was weird. I never felt like it was "all new", but at the same time found it a bit weird that it felt no different from all those holidays... cos it wasn't a holiday, it was real......... Our day to day life was only different because there were now children involved and I guess that changed our "sun behaviour" and what we could / would tolerate in terms of time outside, etc.

 

I also knew DH's good friends very well, because not only had we been here a lot, we'd had pretty much all the good ones visit us in the UK and come to stay with us there. So again, we had a ready made social circle.

 

That being said, living somewhere is different from visiting - bit like the difference between a long distance relationship and then actually being together all the time. So as we moved back, DH gradually discovered which friendships were now "for keeps" and which ones we would gradually let go of. And that process of "pruning" isn't painless. There are disappointments as we have discovered that our parenting style isn't compatible with that of some of his friends in the sense that we've grown far too much apart in the time away, and it's better that we let those ones go. And there have been other great surprises as we have discovered we have a great deal in common with friends that were more on DH's periphory through high school and youth group days. He left Australia at 23 really, so there is a big difference in someone in those 10 yrs between 23 and 33. One of his really good friends from a family of sibs (2 sisters one brother) has now become my best friend really, I've kind of stolen her off him, but we now have a family friendship with her and her DH - far more appropriate for DH these days than the original high school friendship with the 3 of them.

 

As for family... DH's family have struggled to let us "back in" and it took a long annoying time for them to stop mentioning it. His mum wouldn't cook enough for tea if we were there, we were left out of family gatherings because his sister(s) (or definitely one of them) has an agenda about not wanting to share her parents with him again... and this has been very hard for us both but more particularly me, because I feel that she's tried to push our children out and been very selfish over Grandparent time. We've had occasions where we've stumbled across an arrangement that we've not been included in, and so that's embarrassing and painful. His parents are much wiser to this silly business now, but there's pretty much a divide in the family down to his sister's behaviour and partiality and jealousy... this makes matters very difficult for us going forward. His Dad in particular is much stronger and they are gradually being more open. But the main problem for us has been coming back, expecting family to just "be family" but unfortunately we've been lacking in support network that we'd banked on having. The support we had practically speaking before we got here was great, but the emotional support and grandparent time has been disappointing and at times, been bad enough for us to think we ought to throw it all in and go back. We haven't, because we have too many other reasons that we are here, but it has been really important to know, and hold on to those reasons. Which are very personal to us and not likely to be relevant to anyone else so I won't go on about that here!!!

 

So yes... my advice / experience is:

 

-HAve an idea of the family dynamic you are coming back to

 

-foster friendships that you had here before you left, but don't expect that they will all stay the same... you will have moved on, and so will have your friends... sometimes in the same direction, sometimes not. Any who have become parents in the meantime will in particular likely have changed in their outlook, so that may be one thing to be respectful of. But "pruning" friendships is ok, and necessary for balance I'd say

 

-use family and friends as much as you can before you move back. PILs actually viewed and took out a 6mth rental for us, guaranteed it for us till we got here, furnished it with BORROWED items so that we could live there before our stuff arrived - INVALUABLE. I literally had to unpack our suitcases, and it was all set up. The laundry was better equipped by my MIL than it would have ever been by me in a long time. Then, when our stuff got here, we gave it all back and unpacked our own things. Was amazing to do it that way, and very privileged.

 

-expect yourself to have "migration" type experiences and feelings... you are moving home but it won't be as you left it. In some ways watching my DH go through this stuff I'd say it was harder for him than me.

 

-how long it takes to "feel like home" is going to vary I am sure. For me, it has been somewhere between 2 and 3 yrs. We are not quite 3 yrs in, but although DH and I fondly miss things and places about the UK, it definitely feels like this is Our Home and where we are meant to be. Our children see themselves as Australian, and this is their home too. I can't see us ever moving back, and the things that sometimes make us wish we could, are some of the emotional things I've said above, and are not "real" reasons to do so.

 

I was keen to move to Australia a few yrs into our marriage. But DH felt that he'd only just really found his feet in the UK. So I'd say that to build a life, and for it to feel like "yours" and satisfying, it does take a number of years, even if you already have a ready made list of contacts, and a social circle to move back into. I think there are things about it that are easier, in terms of migration, and definitely things that make it "harder" than just migrating to a country neither of you have a previous connection with.

[Guest Coleybear]

I did exactly the same thing nearly a year ago today! I am an aussie and had lived in London for 10 years. Although I had always been back on holidays every couple of years NOTHING prepared me for moving back home for good. At first I really struggled with the slower pace of life and the shopping is terrible! However, we can back here to raise our son and my husband is english so it was so hard for him to leave his family and friends. But the lifestyle out weighs the negatives and if you have family here they will be a great support to you. I have made some fanastic new friends, through my son and this website! One of my neighbours saw my post one day and messaged me and now we meet up regularly. I really hope you enjoy being back!!!

[Guest loopylisa]

I dont know if I can offer any tips per se but I can empathise with your situation a bit as I am also moving back to Adelaide after 11 years in the UK. I would defo echoe the senitments about being prepared for a slower pace of life than big cities in the UK. My personal experience of moving to oz when i was 6 and then back to the UK when I was 15 has taught me never underestimate how much you miss the little things, your favourite packet of crips, the fact that the accents on the TV or the radio and everywhere you go sound different(this works both ways). Im not sure thats a tip per se really but I hope you settle in well.

 

I am also a little worried about family dynamics as I am moving into a house with my OH who has all his family in oz and all my family are UK so I will be an outsider(they seem very welcoming and friendly however). I really want to try and focus on building up my own little circle of friends and am hoping to do this by getting out there going to the gym, reconnecting with old friends and also when I get a job/do further postgrad study at uni.

 

Lise x

[Guest BackToAdelaide]

I meant to come back and say thanks for the replies!