17 yr old against move

[brucesbabe]

Hi.

My 17 yr old son is adamant that my husband and I are doing the worst thing possible in uprooting our family and according to him ruining his life. We plan to come next July and he will be going to university the February after. I am worried that because he is so stubborn and has made up his mind he is going to hate everything about our new life, he will close himself off to making new friends and building up a social life and in the process will make our lives hell to punish us. Has anyone any advice to offer or experience of this ? I'ts really worrying me. Thanks.

Lisa:unsure:

[minty]

Oh dear poor you. I'm glad our 2 girls are just 4 & 7 and we don't have to cross the bridge with older children. Has he been to Adelaide before, can you sell the adventure to him in other ways. There is going to be no easy answer as I'm sure you are aware but I would not give up and keep trying different angles to bring him around.

[Misplaced]

Blimey we are lucky - Our 15 year old is more keen than ever and wishes we were going ealier but undertsand that it is a good idea for hi to do his GCSE's first. Our Youngest (12) was a little more unsure but now has come around and can't wait. By the way we are also hoping to go in July 2012. Just have to get the house up for sale in January and pray that it sells quickly.

[IrishStew]

Hi Lisa,

 

Don't despair, teenagers are more fickle than we realise. My daughter 15 went from keen, to totally against (how could you do this to me), and now she is accepting and realises it will not define her future.

 

The surprising thing was that when we took the pressure of and told her that we would not be trying to persuade her anymore, she then came round, in other words it was no longer a battle of the wills. Give it plenty of time and try and avoid the head to head.

 

As for my 13 year old boy he just goes with the flow although he did say he would like to stay at home. However he announced that perhaps getting a wee house dog in Australia might persuade him, he even kept a straight face. Deal !

 

Hope it all works out.

 

IrishStew (OH)

[brucesbabe]

Thanks everyone who has replied so far - I think getting into a dispute with him about it only seems to re-inforce his point of view (in his opinion) and leaves me feeling stressed out so I will certainly not be attempting to convince him anymore - I don't feel like he will ever come round but I do feel that there is a strong possibility it will work out fine once he starts uni - if he passes his A levels !

Lisa

[Guest Squareman]

When he realises that the weather in Adelaide means that half the young ladies at Uni tend to walk around wearing minimal clothing 9 months of the year, he'll soon change his tune....

[Guest Guest5035]

its got to be very hard at that age, mates etc etc, we know of someone whos son came out at 16, stuck it for 1 year then he went back, then the wife did, but hubbies still here..

 

stevo

[Chris & Helen]

Hi Lisa,

 

We moved here with 3 older children (17, 18 & 21) and our son kept telling us that he would come for a year, it isn't easy with teenagers however they do settle in their time. There are some great clubs around and friendships are being made for all of ours. Since moving here, our son has met a lovely girl, is now living with her and they are expecting next year! He tells us now that moving here was the best thing he ever did! It is an emotional time for all of you but often the worry of the unknown is so much worse than once you are here!

 

Helen x

[Guest guest9403]

Hi Lisa...we emigrated here 8 weeks ago wit our then 3 yr old daughter and 22 yr old son....he wasnt too keen either,left his mates and girlfriend behind in Ireland...ill be honest he still isnt loving it,and up until this week was adanment he was going home in january,but he told me yesturday he will wait till maybe july,huge for me,i know there is nothing back home for him and its only de g/f hes really missing,he jus done his white card (safe pass) and is going to work on a site after xmas wit some other irish lads,hopefully wit money in his pocket and socialising wit ppl his own age he will not look back and start to enjoy it,i know my son is older but its still a huge worry and i know ir he gives it a chance it will work out,i wont lie its gonna be tough for ur son but its a great life and hopefully he will give it a chance,ifi can help in any way plez jus ask...Ruth.

[Guest Django]

Well seeing as he is 17 what's the problem? Its not like you are telling him its for ever is it? Get him to agree to a short term 'give it a go' contract for a few years. If at the end of the contract as an adult he can decide for himself where his future lies. If he relaxes from the 'dread' of being 'stuck here' he may well be more excepting of mixing with his fellow peers and get involved with what is going on here and find out its not a bad life here after all. If you force him there is more chance he will just sit in his room sulking for the rest of his life blaming you for his predicament.

 

Good luck.

 

Pete

[maria]

Well seeing as he is 17 what's the problem? Its not like you are telling him its for ever is it? Get him to agree to a short term 'give it a go' contract for a few years. If at the end of the contract as an adult he can decide for himself where his future lies. If he relaxes from the 'dread' of being 'stuck here' he may well be more excepting of mixing with his fellow peers and get involved with what is going on here and find out its not a bad life here after all. If you force him there is more chance he will just sit in his room sulking for the rest of his life blaming you for his predicament.

 

Good luck.

 

Pete

 

This is what we did with our then 18 yr old. Initally she'd been so positive about the move but as it got closer she did a total 360 and decided she wasn't coming, At that point i thought i'd have to drug her to get her on the plane, (though extreme it really did cross my mind ) However after some negotiation she agreed to give it 6 months. It certainly wasn't easy to start with, but after the inital 6 months she'd settled reasonably well- we then moved interstate from Vic to SA, which was another up hill struggle for all of us. We've now been here almost 6 yrs now, she moved to QLD in Feb, shes completed her citizenship and has no plans on returning to the UK.

Get him to agreee to a short term trial, 6 -12 month, then take it from there

Good luck

[Guest Squareman]

Wise words, I reckon....

[Guest guest1255]

our daughter was 17 when we came out...she wasn't keen at all at first. however she loves it now...has tons of friends and the job of a lifetime (something she would never have had the opportunity of back in uk) We did agree to let her return and stay with some relatives if things didn't work out for her.

 

good luck with everything xx

[Guest smit]

Hi.

My 17 yr old son is adamant that my husband and I are doing the worst thing possible in uprooting our family and according to him ruining his life. We plan to come next July and he will be going to university the February after. I am worried that because he is so stubborn and has made up his mind he is going to hate everything about our new life, he will close himself off to making new friends and building up a social life and in the process will make our lives hell to punish us. Has anyone any advice to offer or experience of this ? I'ts really worrying me. Thanks.

Lisa:unsure:

Its definately not easy for the older teens, especially breaking into friendship groups at school that have been together for years.

On another point , am I getting this right?. Your coming next July, your son will complete his a levels May/June I presume?. Have you thoroughly looked into visas, costs in relation to uni?(,if not a PR then can get pricey,and can you get HECS loan?) and and also whether A levels can be transferred to TER mark. Things are probably different now than when I came over but some kids went back to school at 18 to get year 12 and a ter mark to get in on a course of their choosing.

Worth looking into because you dont want to come here and then find problems. Also, if he doesnt go school , whats he gunna do between July and Feb?.

 

As I said it may be different now,

 

Smit

[TheHarrisonFamily]

Hiya

We came with two teenagers,one 17 and the other 19. Both were very against the move. The eldest cried all the way here and didnt speak to us at all on the flights. When we arrived she locked her self in her room for 2 days. 10 months down the line they are having the time of their lives. Eldest is in Uni now and loving it. For the 17yr old, life is one big party. He has far more freedom than ever he was allowed in the UK and is loving yet. Yes weve had our ups and downs, highs and lows and i wont say its been easy.

Stick with it....

Both mine have part time jobs earning 2 and 3 times the money they earnt in the UK.

And yes....ther oppertunities here are massievly better than being offered to them in the Uk

 

Donna

[Guest Paula H]

I would imagine it is a friendship thing that is holding your son here in the UK, try to reason with him by asking him to come for six months for a trial?

 

Best of luck x

[Lazy Cow]

I think it's fab that so many relatively new arrivals (less than a couple of years) have shared such positive stories re their teens. Perhaps they will help your son feel a bit more positive?

 

That said, whilst it would be ridiculous for a child to think the rest of the family will put aside their dreams due to his fears, I also think you have to really listen to him.

 

At that age, peers can be more influential and important than family so I don't think you should totally disregard his concerns?

 

Maybe it woukd help if he understoid that it doesn't have to be forever and that if he comes over, really relaxes and gives it a go but still doesn't like it, then there will be a ticket for him to return to the UK.

 

It can't be easy for any of you and I wish you luck.

 

LC

[simon@sarah]

Hi, we arrived in Adelaide 15 weeks ago, with 15,18 and 21 years old boys. The eldest and youngest were always keen to come but the middle one wasnt. When we booked the flights and he agreed to come i was gob smacked because all along he had said he wasnt going to come with us. Unfortunatly he has already returned to the UK much to my devastation! He didnt really give it a go here, stayed in his room 24/7 on skype to the UK and on FB to his mates and girlfriend, and after 10 weeks announced he was booking a flight for that week. Every teenager is different and from the other replies you have just as much chance as your son loving it as you do him hating it.

I stopped asking my son if he was coming because i could tell he was under so much pressure from his gf and mates to stay in the UK that he didnt need the extra pressure from me. Back off, give him some breathing space and im sure he will come round to the idea. I, all the way through our visa process thought about how I would have felt if years ago (!!) when I was a teenager my parents had told me we were emigrating, I would have hated it, and refused to have gone,so try be patient with your son and see what the new year brings.

Good luck and try not stress!

Sarah

[brucesbabe]

Hi Lisa,

 

We moved here with 3 older children (17, 18 & 21) and our son kept telling us that he would come for a year, it isn't easy with teenagers however they do settle in their time. There are some great clubs around and friendships are being made for all of ours. Since moving here, our son has met a lovely girl, is now living with her and they are expecting next year! He tells us now that moving here was the best thing he ever did! It is an emotional time for all of you but often the worry of the unknown is so much worse than once you are here!

 

Helen x

He is our middle child , we also have a 15 yr old girl and our eldest son is 20. Thanks for the positive words. Maybe one day he will thank us.

[brucesbabe]

Well seeing as he is 17 what's the problem? Its not like you are telling him its for ever is it? Get him to agree to a short term 'give it a go' contract for a few years. If at the end of the contract as an adult he can decide for himself where his future lies. If he relaxes from the 'dread' of being 'stuck here' he may well be more excepting of mixing with his fellow peers and get involved with what is going on here and find out its not a bad life here after all. If you force him there is more chance he will just sit in his room sulking for the rest of his life blaming you for his predicament.

 

Good luck.

 

Pete

This is what we have said - He wants to do uni and his degree takes 3 yrs, after that if he isn't happy he can return to the UK

[brucesbabe]

Its definately not easy for the older teens, especially breaking into friendship groups at school that have been together for years.

On another point , am I getting this right?. Your coming next July, your son will complete his a levels May/June I presume?. Have you thoroughly looked into visas, costs in relation to uni?(,if not a PR then can get pricey,and can you get HECS loan?) and and also whether A levels can be transferred to TER mark. Things are probably different now than when I came over but some kids went back to school at 18 to get year 12 and a ter mark to get in on a course of their choosing.

Worth looking into because you dont want to come here and then find problems. Also, if he doesnt go school , whats he gunna do between July and Feb?.

 

As I said it may be different now,

 

Smit

Hi Smit, We all have PRs granted in May. I've emailed several uni's and satac through which he has to register in Aug after we arrive to then start uni Feb 13. I hope he will get a casual job and save up a bit. And A levels can be converted into points for uni so I've done all my homework !! Actually with the rising costs of uni fees in the UK with PRs it actually works out cheaper.

[brucesbabe]

Hi, we arrived in Adelaide 15 weeks ago, with 15,18 and 21 years old boys. The eldest and youngest were always keen to come but the middle one wasnt. When we booked the flights and he agreed to come i was gob smacked because all along he had said he wasnt going to come with us. Unfortunatly he has already returned to the UK much to my devastation! He didnt really give it a go here, stayed in his room 24/7 on skype to the UK and on FB to his mates and girlfriend, and after 10 weeks announced he was booking a flight for that week. Every teenager is different and from the other replies you have just as much chance as your son loving it as you do him hating it.

I stopped asking my son if he was coming because i could tell he was under so much pressure from his gf and mates to stay in the UK that he didnt need the extra pressure from me. Back off, give him some breathing space and im sure he will come round to the idea. I, all the way through our visa process thought about how I would have felt if years ago (!!) when I was a teenager my parents had told me we were emigrating, I would have hated it, and refused to have gone,so try be patient with your son and see what the new year brings.

Good luck and try not stress!

Sarah

Thanks , I think it's early days for you as well and that chances are he will soon realise how important his family are and book a flight back. Thanks for highlighting this side of the story , good luck to you and yours.

[brucesbabe]

Thanks everyone, this is all so helpful, having advice from people who really understand what we are going through

[Guest guest9403]

Great reading all your posts we are here 8 weeks now and even thou our 22 yr old son was happy to come and give it a go hes hated it since we arrived.Left a girlfriend back home and i think thats de biggest reason he wants to go home,has been adamant he is going home in january but 2 days ago he announced he might wait till july to go home (huge break thru)Id be heart-broken if he left cos i know there is nothing back home for him,NO jobs,NO prospects,NO future...he done his white card last wed so hoping to get onto a site after xmas and start mixing wit ppl and getting a few bob in his pocket along wit a nice summer im hoping he will give it a chance and stay,not easy having no mates and at 22 dont really want to be doing stuff wit us...lol...

[Guest smit]

Hi Smit, We all have PRs granted in May. I've emailed several uni's and satac through which he has to register in Aug after we arrive to then start uni Feb 13. I hope he will get a casual job and save up a bit. And A levels can be converted into points for uni so I've done all my homework !! Actually with the rising costs of uni fees in the UK with PRs it actually works out cheaper.

Its good you know things, so many people come with older teens then find out the hard way. Has the system changed now where you need to be citizen to get student loan or is that still the same?