Not going through with it

[Guest guest8040]

Just wondering if there's ever been anyone on the site for whatever reason who hasn't gone through with the move. I'll admit we're really going to have to be tough to see this through as family are going mad about it and it's causing week after week of upset and rows. We're determined to ride the storm but I am curious if anything has ever broken someone's resolve and the dream has ended before its begun?

[snifter]

The people I recall reading about, not actually making the move, it had nothing to do with them not wanting to come, but lack of finances due to not being able to sell their house and business (they needed to sell one or the other or both to fund the move) and the recession kicked in and they sat and watched their visa run out.

 

Most people once they have their visas seem to make the move, be it soon after or a few years later before the visa expires.

 

I'm not sure when you told your family but most come round in time, once they have gotten used to the idea. Sure, lots will never be thrilled but hopefully things are civil before people leave. Some are not and this can cause upset and tension and perhaps not speaking to that family member or seeing them.... I guess everyone is different in how they would let this affect them. I personally would go regardless if my parents (or anyone else) were not supportive but luckily for me they have been fab. Yes they are upset but they also would never give us a hard time over it or try to make use feel bad or tell us we should not go.

[sidestep]

Why are your family giving you a hard time? Is there a genuine reason or are they maybe just a bit jealous?

 

You have to move if it's right for you and your (immediate) family. You shouldn't not move just because your relatives don't want you to.

[Guest guest8040]

We're not going to not go through with it but I just wondered if people buckled under unreasonable pressure from families. Their reasons are valid in some senses (you have no jobs to go to, you will have no family to rely on etc) and downright selfish on the other hand. Being told 'even if you make a roaring success of it I will never be happy for you' was one particular comment. It's going to be a rocky ride!

[minty]

If you don't go for those reasons I think you will regret your decision and your relationships with the people saying those things will be strained because you will resent them to some extent for stoping you from going.

[Guest guest8040]

Btw snifter they have known for 18 months buried their heads in the sand and kicked off now we have a visa!

[minty]

There are two sides to the argument you are selfish for going, they are selfish for stoping you. You only get one life and to be honest if they cannot be happy for you then sod them. We spent the last month in the UK in Wales with friends as our family refused to put us up after we sold so they missed out for an extra 4 weeks with the grandchildren due to there own fault. If they can't be happy for you then it's there loss.

Edited July 8, 2012 by minty

[Guest leanne800]

We're going through the issue right now of whether to go or not to go continously changing our minds. It's actually making us feel really ill.

 

For us the issue isn't to do with family though we do have complications there as my daughter will have to leave her dad here. For us the issue is jobs as my husband will have to give up a really good job here and is worried about not being able to get a similar job at some point in the future in Adelaide. We know its not all about jobs/money and SA has so much to offer but it's still a real worry just to give up and move especially when there are very few suitable jobs appearing on seek.com.au etc

 

We were all up for it last we so put our house on the market the next day but now are having real doubts as to whether we can actually quit. We have decided we will move house no matter what the question is for us right now 'where?' - will in be somewhere else in the UK or will we just take the plunge and move to SA??

 

So confused the pair of us right now.

[Guest guest8040]

Thebacons that is so sad about your last few weeks at home - have things improved or has it left a sour taste? Great to read your 6 months in thread though, very positive and encouraging!

Leanne I can sympathise with the making you ill as all this family tension is making us feel that way but the difference being we won't back out as we wouldnt forgive them if we gave up because of them so we'd be staying to have an even worse relationship than we do already. Thankfully we don't have jobs we love to stay for and we'd both be prepared to do anything and start at the bottom to live the life out there. Your situation must be really difficult and I hope you feel more settled with your choices soon x

[snifter]

Btw snifter they have known for 18 months buried their heads in the sand and kicked off now we have a visa!

 

They were probably in denial and thinking/hoping/wondering if it would be approved. And now the finality of it has hit with it being approved, they have to actually deal with it.

 

You sound like you are coping though. Don't give up. Its your life and I am the first one to say to people go live it. Hopefully your family will also in time If not, cross that bridge when you come to it, but don't give up your dream for your family if you want to move to Aus. I think you would regret it later if you did. You may regret going in future years, but unless you try it and see, you'll never know.

 

Good luck and keep us posted

[Guest guest8040]

Cheers much appreciated! House to sell first though.....

[Guest anne314]

I understand completely what you are going through, since I find myself in a similar position at the moment. Some family members are very supportive, but some are not…. The latter are mainly overwhelmed with sadness. All our family and friends have known for six years now that we are going to emigrate, but some admitted lately that they hoped we wouldn't make it. Imagine that, someone so dear to you, hopes your dream will not come true.... that's big.

So yeah, it is a struggle. And it might or might not get better with some family members. It does keep me busy during the day, since I don't like my close family members being sad over something I choose to do. BUT...... I can not think of anything more sincere than to follow your dream, fulfill your destiny. And that said, I will not doubt my decision to move to Australia. This is something I do for myself and my family, and it feels so right. So, all I can hope for you and for myself is that our family members will get to the stage where they can accept our emigration, and for ourselves to do what we feel is right for us.

[Guest stephensteve]

Cheers much appreciated! House to sell first though.....

 

Hi Guys, have you thought of renting out your house and then renting a place in Ozzzz..??

 

We spent 4 years down under with our house rented, income every month and the house still ours now we are back for a while,

 

BTW we may go back to Oz in autumn and rent out again as it has worked out well so far...Cheers

[Guest guest8040]

Anne you are so right, I have no problem at all with people being sad but the manner in which it's delivered is the problem, in our case aggressively in out and out attack mode with hysterical screaming and shouting!

And yes I would love to rent our house out but we would land in Oz with no money if we did that and I reckon rent would barely cover our mortgage so it's just not an option unfortunately plus I think if we do end up coming back to the UK in the future because we miss all things British or whatever we would relocate to a different area. Great that you have that option though and sounds like its worked out brilliantly!

[Guest alexandgail]

Only you can make the ultimate decision what's right (when I say 'you' I mean those immediate family involved) and for the right reasons. My wife and I are on the early roads to moving, both teachers with permanent contracts here in Scotland that our friends would die for, lovely house with short(ish) mortgage term left, but we want it so much. With the recognition that it wont be easy, having to earn a job again and extend our mortgage term, we think its worth it. Gail (my wife) told her mother of our plans a few weeks ago and whilst being upset was fully supportive, if its right for Gail and me. We hope to sell our house v soon, and save a bit before going over. Its a rollercoaster of emotions but for us its worth it. In the end, that's the question you have to answer. I feel your 'pain' and hope you come a decision you are happy with. Regards, Alex

 

PS Apologies if there are a few typos, just endured another rollercoaster of emotion earlier supporting Andy Murray, the disappointment helped by some South Australian finest.

[The Monaghans]

I suspect most members on here go through a bit of an emotional rollercoaster as the start of the process. We chose to move and we put our children first, that can be difficult for grandparents to accept - especially given that we have moved as far away as we have! Our own parents were upset when we announced we were planning to leave and they were devastated when the visas came through, but they were both brave enough to concede that they understood our reasons for moving and wished us happiness. We speak to them on skype every week although my mum recently admitted that she cries every time we say goodbye to her I think if we'd not moved because of family pressure, we would have ended up resenting our families for years afterwards and wondering "What if?"

[Guest Django]

Just wondering if there's ever been anyone on the site for whatever reason who hasn't gone through with the move. I'll admit we're really going to have to be tough to see this through as family are going mad about it and it's causing week after week of upset and rows. We're determined to ride the storm but I am curious if anything has ever broken someone's resolve and the dream has ended before its begun?

 

Yes we met a family before we came out. They were so up for it they applied for the visa, got a case officer and were asked to do medicals and police checks. At that point they pulled out. I kept in touch for a few years but haven't had contact for some time now. Last I heard they had split up and had no longer the desire to move here. I have met others that just stopped the process for no other reason than they changed their minds.

So yes it does happen. I often wonder whether they have ever asked themselves 'what if?'

[Guest suttons]

We have PR Visas and were all ready to put the house on the market and come out this time last year, my sister then fell out with me over it, she told me I was selfish for taking my kids away from them, I wouldnt be doing it if my husbands parents were alive (they have both passed away), she was so aggressive about it she told me to have a nice life and stopped talking to me for 6 months, I was ill over it, including suffering panic atttacks nightly etc, so I put the whole thing off, over something silly she started talking to me again and it all blew over, it has never been mentioned. She knows that we are still thinking of going, but doesnt understand why and gets aggressive if we mention it (my mum although upset about us going, is supportive as is my brother). We still talk about going, my eldest daughter still wants to go ( I thought she would be the one we would have problems pulling away from her friends) and the boys are young enough to start over and make friends. I think i still want to emigrate but im scared of change, and I dont feel strong enough to carry it through.. I also worry that as things are financially tough here, would we find it harder in Adelaide, we have until Jan 2015 left on our visas, im scared that if we dont do it though we will regret it for the rest of our lives.

 

I wish you all the best in following your dream, maybe one day we will follow ours x

[Guest guest8040]

Wow suttons your situation sounds so similar. Its my husbands sister that is being the most negative and hasnt spoken to us for 8 weeks now. To be honest its pushing my husband the other way and if we do stay their relationship will be far worse as a result of her behaviour. I can see how you get to the point of panic attacks as it is such an upsetting experience when the situation goes from constructive questioning to all out war. Had you validated your visa before it all started or after? I hope you find the strength to do what you truly want to in the future and it all works out for you x

[Guest suttons]

We have validated the visas on a holiday in 2010, we started the visa process when my little boy was 6 months old and he is now 5, so it wasnt a surprise to her. I dont think she will ever accept it though, whenever we make the decision, she doesnt see that we are trying to make a better life for the kids, her answer is 'how do you know it will be better' in all honesty we dont !, but we will never know if we dont try. Its not mentioned now at all although apparently my mum has mentioned it to her that we are still thinking of going, I do believe she will stop contact again if we decide to go, I think I worry that if it doesnt work out then we will be accused of putting everyone through this for nothing. Its easy to say we have to do whats right for us and our children, but easier said than done when you know you are hurting people...alot, my whole life I have worried about what other people think, trying to please everyone and once i decided to do something for me, I was told i was being selfish, it didnt sit well with me which is part of the reason we dropped the whole thing, that was last summer, we still havent decided what to do and feel like we are living in limbo land. What if it is the worse decision we ever make, what if we cant afford to live there, or it doesnt suit us, or my OH doesnt find work and we have to return home, we would have pulled the kids out of schools for no reason, schools we would not be able to get them back into either, upset family, and lost some friends possibly. My dear OH says I worry too much and over think things, but he would literally just jump on a plane tomorrow for good. Sorry just realised im waffling...... wish i could keep everyone happy

 

hope you have better luck x

[clarkes]

Caused al lsorts of disruptions in our houshold too. I reckon that it's easier whe the kids are young. when they get to teenager they have loads of friends and they kick up a fuss even though the move is being done for them.

Certainly not easy, but it is the best in the long run.

[Guest wayney34]

I can understand where your all coming from. We are in the same boat my parents are distraught and can't understand what more Adelaide has to offer than where we live now. We have now decided to validate the visas as we to are worried about the work side of thing as my husband works in the building trade and we've heard things are tight. I'm trying to stay strong but sometimes just break my heart because I know i'm breaking others but I realise I have to put my own family first and think whats best for them so all being well we may be out there in the next 12 months if everything goes ok on our validating trip. And can I just add family aren't jelous or being selfish that we and others decide to go to Oz put yourself in there shoes and imagine what it would be like to lose your child and grandkids and proberbly see them once a year its very hard.

[Guest vikkiann]

We first decided to Emigrate back in 2007. We got our visa in August 2008 and that was the easy bit, we tried to sell the house but prices were dropping rappidly in the UK. We came out in November 2008 and validated. We stayed north and i hated it, i didn't feel safe, the place we stayed in was the worse dump i have ever stepped foot in. We spent 10 days in Adelaide and i can honestly say i looked forward to the days when we headed south.

 

We returned to the uk with a voicemail saying our buyer had pulled out and i was overjoyed! My sister was preganant and i knew that i would be there for her child.

 

Shortly afterwards, my dad was diagnosed with cancer and we thought we were going to lose him. After his radiotherapy, he got pneumonia and it was hell but thats another story.

 

He fought it and is now in remission.

 

We continued to live our life in the uk but suddenly in 2010 i felt that something was missing and i realised that i was being held back by family so we decided to put the house on the market. We did this so many times over the next year but finally in 2011 i knew that our time in the uk was up. The recession had kicked in so much worse than before and all of those people that had held me back were the one's that also set me free, if that makes sense!

 

We accepted an offer a lot less than we wanted but we had to make that break. Renting the house wasn't an option for us because i knew if we still had our house in the uk, our life in Australia would be fail because i would always have the option to go back.

 

We exchanged contracts and flew within a week. We went via Bali which was a fantastic place.

 

Our last week in the uk was hell, 2 days before we were due to leave the uk i was a blubbering wreck, i had a complete emotional breakdown and cried myself to sleep, tears roll down my face as i remember it. God knows what my hubby thought of me!!

 

Saying goodbye to my dad was heartbreaking knowing that i may not see him alive again, he may have beaten cancer but he is now on oxygen 15 hours every day.

 

My point is .... We went through hell to get here and part of me is glad that we didn't come over in 2008 because i don't think we'd have stayed.

 

Now that we are here, its the best move we ever made and i think the only time i plan to return is when i get that dreaded call to say my dad is critical and then i'll be jumping on the next plane back.

 

Everyone has doubts, some good, some bad. I miss my dad and my sister more than anything and i look forward to the day my niece comes running through arrivals.

 

Until then, i look at our children and the fact that they see their dad instead of him working 15 hours a day to support us and boy i love Australia!!

 

Ramble over.

 

Vikki

[carryon]

I actually think coming over here with no support makes you a stronger unit, you dont rely on family or friends, you have to get on with it, sort your own problems out, and i think people will admire you more for doing so!!!!!As pointed out earlier, our time on this world is short, do what YOU feel is right and Never be blackmailed into not doing what you want by family, i agree, you will hold it against them if you dont persue your dreams!!!!!

[R & H]

When I feel a wobble, I always hold on to something that was said to me a few years ago - 'they can take away what you've got, but never what you've done'. As said earlier, life is short, you have to live your dreams and give it a go - if it doesn't work out, at least you can say you tried and you won't look back wondering 'what if'. x