stay or go

[Sallyh]

I've missed a lot of this thread since it originally appeared but I am not surprised by your comment Moonraker! For a start you're Aussie so you have had a different perspective on outdoor Australia anyway, and I could never understand the "indoors" lifestyle in summer when I came on trips here to visit family and friends before we moved.

Just about every friend I have here who's had a baby has been told they are vitamin D deficient, in fact there's been stuff in the news about it not so long ago. And not just pregnant women. You don't actually have to get a lot of daylight to have enough vitamin D. I do think amongst Australians there's definitely more of a culture of staying indoors when it's hot. And having aircon on a lot. Or maybe our Aussie family and friends here are unusual, but I don't get that impression. I do find keeping the house dark and curtains drawn also to be soul destroying but again those who've grown up with it, know that it's a sensible way to keep the house cool and you pay for it if you don't.

I do feel that in the hot summer time we are limited more than in the UK in terms of useable outside time. Maybe those who work all week don't have that feeling because it's highly likely you can get out more (and for longer) in the evenings / weekends than you did in the UK. But for me, being at home with children and a young baby, I do feel that the "useable" daytime is less so when it's hot. Although it may well balance out at this time of year, and in the winter / spring.

[Sallyh]

There's loads of stuff on vitamin D deficiency but this link is interesting:
http://www.sunsmart.com.au/vitamin_d..._sun_is_enough
Most summer days in SA: only a few mins sun per day is needed
May - Aug - 2 -3 hrs per week.

So for it to be fairly common for people to be vitamin D deficient, they can't be spending much time outside.

[moonraker1959]

Yes sallyh,you're right!When I lived in SA,in summer all the curtains were drawn,blinds down,doors shut,atleast until the sun went down!Yes we do the same here in winter,sure,but we can enjoy fresh air in summer with the windows/doors open and not have to contend with an air conditioner beating away.If we want scorching heat we head overseas!

[Beverley1305]

I know exactly how you feel - I first came here in 1991 and finally got a Visa in 2008 - but now we're here it's somehow an anti-climax! In the time it took to get a Visa, life took over, we had a family and got careers (not just jobs) but then figured that after all that we should give it a go!

My hubby is working but has taken a step back versus what he did in the UK and from my perspective more time with my little one is great, but trying to find a job has proved really hard work and I am wondering what we REALLY gave up.

We too feel we have done nothing but shell out since arriving which dwindles the house fund somewhat and although we have met people and do things at the weekend with the kids it's not as easy to settle in as I had expected.

I don't think hubby will go home but I am homesick and weirdly missing my work where I had been for 17years. When we came here, we said we all had to be happy or we would go home, but when it is a hung jury, it is a nightmare - I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason and I am sure that for you, as well as us, something will happen which makes the decision one way or the other, but in the meantime, try to look for all the things you do like about being here and build on them - plus, try stuff you would never dream of doing in England while you have the chance - who knows the lightbulb moment could be just around the corner!

Someone said to me that you have to decide if you want the right thing or the easy thing - is the UK just a comfort zone you will settle for - wherever you end up it can only be YOUR decision!

[Cadas]

I've just been mooching back through posts and would just offer my thoughts. My family and I are heading down to Adelaide this year, but for us it's our fourth country in seven years so my perspective may be a bit different to some new arrivals.

I do despair at many of the tv progs, they focus heavily on the good life and the plus points....' hey you can go to the beach every night' ....... You can do this you can do that....... What about this fab house.....etc.....

Great, stick 300k in my imaginary fist and point me toward any town in the uk and I'll find the house if my dreams.

Plus, having lived by the beach for nearly ten years, you don't go very often after the first year..... It's nice on odd weekends but you have tons of other crap to do at weekends without cleaning sand out the car and dragging kids to hose them down.

All that said..... The thing to bear in mind when you emigrate is that you are moving to a FOREIGN country, that's your choice, you signed up to it.

Now, you still have to shop, you'll still be screaming at kids to clean their teeth, cars break down, you still have to find the chemist to buy pile cream, your boss is still an a***,

Upshot is ..... It's still life....exactly as it was before, just warmer, with more bugs and with different rules. You used to have 48 weeks of lifecrap and 4 weeks of holiday..... That doesn't change because you emigrate, I've met many who think that life becomes a 3 day week and 'why can't we go to the pub in the village three nights a week and get hammered, we've emigrated'. Yes but, you didn't do it back home, you're spending your savings and your new boss is no more impressed than your last one would have been!!

Many who start looking back on uk with rose tinted specs, forget they looked at the new country with the same positive outlook..... We forget pain and bad experiences very quickly.

I love new places, relax, accept it's different, accept you will have moments when you want to kill every local and dance on their grave in a union jack g string.... And if you can't, then you can't. Find what makes you happy.

[moonraker1959]

What a great post Cadas!!! I wonder how aussies would feel if they were shown "Escape to the Country"as a show on what emigrating to the UK would be like,do you think it would fit the reality?So why is "Wanted down Under"any different?I love both countries but some programmes make me cringe!

[Sallyh]

Well you certainly have a way of putting it, Cadas, not exactly my style but your wisdom is not dissimilar from my own!!!!

I think the problem with moving overseas can be falling into the trap of thinking that it is going to fix things that are actually inherent problems in people's lives, and finding out that moving is hard and doesn't fix them is the risk. I don't know if anyone is brave enough to admit that they've been in that place, and a public forum isn't really the place one would expect them to do that. Admitting that to self and family is probably hard enough and something many wouldn't do. So I have big respect for those who actually DO go back and say it didn't work out, and less respect for those who want to "diss" the UK and "jump ship". Good and bad everywhere, but we still have to take our lives with us in our head, and if there's a gap and something missing in our life in one country, we'll likely find we can't fill that gap elsewhere either.

These are my abstract thoughts / philosophy on 'life, the universe, Adelaide and everything' and in NO way refer specifically to anyone on PIA or on this thread!!!!!!!

The problem with reality TV is it's not reality at all! It's Good TV.

[moonraker1959]

So true sallyh!!! I've said this before,but there is a line in a Harry Chapin song that goes....."Sometimes I get this crazy dream,where I just take off in my car,but you can travel on 10,000 miles and still be where you are!

[Anne B]

I agree, a great post Cadas. Moving to the other side of the world is a really extreme thing to do, and the tv shows paint such an unrealistic rosy picture, and give the impression that somehow magically everything in your life will come good.

I'm not saying life isn't better here, because in many ways (but not all) it is - but it's not going to solve all your problems. It will solve some but will also create new ones you haven't yet imagined.

[Cadas]

Agree with all that, particularly the comments about 'if you had issues before you came, a new country won't fix them......'. Emigrating to escape rarely works. For instance, friends who ran up massive credit bills jump ship to a new country, and did the same again... Now they can't go home and can't stay where they are.

I think what us often overlooked is the stress of relocating, and I don't mean the packing, leaving family etc.

If you head home because youre homesick it's down to you, nothing to do with the country.

It's the underlying stress, the unfamiliarity.... Everything as simple as applying for phones, services, family allowance.... Everything, us unfamiliar and that causes nervousness, feelings of uncertainty and that causes stress. And that just accumulates every day with each new task.

As I said before, I've learnt to relish the new challenge each country brings, but you have to, in my opinion, become reactive and somewhat passive... Learn to adapt to the pace of the new country, things will always happen at their pace, not yours. After all, Australians have been living there a bit longer than you and things will happen their way whether you like it or not.