Going back. such a dilemma

[steph]

Hi there

I have been reading this forum as we are at the stage of possibly going back and just wondered if anyone could give advise. We have been here for just over two years and have recently been back for a visit to the UK. I can't tell you how much it mixed me up. We have two young children under 4 and just seeing them with their family broke my heart. Am I doing the right thing taking them away from everyone they love. It is also worse in that my OH loves it here and I could quite easily go back. I havn't settled like he has and I really can't see that changing. Obviously this causes a lot of problems as it is hard when one loves it and the other doesn't. We left excellent jobs in the UK and are worried about employment over there. I feel so excited at the thought of being back home but am also scared stiff it would be a mistake. We are waiting for our 887 Skilled Residency visa to be granted. All the paperwork is in so are just waiting for the rubber stamp. Thankyou for any advise!!

[Team 'W']

hi steph
oh hunny i cant begin to imagine what your goin through at this time and my heart goes out to you..
family ties pulling at your heart strings it is so very hard.
Your probably the only person who can decide for your self with out others putting thought an ideas into your head but do it for "YOU".
Do a list good and bad points bout oz and the uk, and see how that turns out.
I love my mum and sister and miss them so much but i know deep down that my kids are happy here and if we went back we would be so miserable, back to the horrible weather, crap government,an so on an so forth.
So what ever you decide be a hundred % its what you want an i can only wish you all the luck an happiness in the world ...
They say give it two years when you come over and you have done that plus a bit more,mmm i want to say stay and the feeling will pass, and next time you go back the uk it will get easier and easier to return, BUT i wasnt goin to put ideas in your head ..
Think hard and long [cos its too blinkin expensive to say the least]and make absolute sure its what you want .Good Luck for the future hunny for what ever it may hold an take care......

[steph]

Thanks for your kind post and I know the decision is mine and one to work out with the family. It all seems like I have to make a decision now as we have to go back by Feb/Mar if we are going. I am a teacher and will need to get a full time job for the new school year .Also my eldest is due to start school in Sept. If we don't get him into the school I would like it will not be easy to do at a later date as his place will have gone to someone else. Its all about the kids and their future happiness. I wish I had a crystal ball!

[Team 'W']

i know it must be hard....
we was contemplating goin back a week ago but for different reasons!!!
i had to word it rite around the kids but we could see that they love it here and got a wee bit upset when we talked it through with them so for us we have made the decision to try other ways to try to make it work here...its not been blinkin easy an still isnt but untill we have drained every possibility were stayin...
my kids are 11yr 8yr old an we thought we would struggle to keep them here but kids bein kids always have this ability to prove us adults wrong...
They say"tell nan to come here" so i think that says it all.
OH me OH MY, decisions,dilemmas,life is just full ov them int it hun!!!
Take care steph
an keep in touch xx

[Lazy Cow]

Hey Steph, sounds hard :(.
I'm no expert and I haven't 'been' where you are now, however it seems to me that unless you are happy, no-one is going to be happy.

I personally don't think the relationships the children have with your families back in the UK are the issue, partly because they are young enough to just roll with it and accept the status quo...if you know what I mean. Not seeing the rellies every week/year even, doesn't mean that the kids won't have an understanding of those special relationships and it won't lessen their importance.

I think it sounds like you feel you haven't settled is more the issue. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it - you've obviously tried and perhaps the pull and familiarity of your old 'home' is just that bit too much to ignore. That's not a crime, it's just an emotion and as such, shouldn't be belittled. IMHO two years is not a long time (unless you're unhappy in which case it's an awful long time!) because there is so much change going on. I think it takes longer than that to feel that you really know where you stand. For me, settling in is about feeling you belong. I think people with littlies are going to have an easier time of that because so many of our friends are through the kids and shared interests. I reckon that'll come once the kids start school.

But then as I said before, that's only my opinion and probably not worth much! Good luck with your decision - and don't feel guilty! Families are all about support and understanding.
LC

[mayjess]

Hi Steph

I hope things are improving for you, 1st of all youhave to ask yourself why you moved to OZin the 1st place & keep reminding yourself why you did move there, also ask yourself why cant you settle, is it becauseyou WONT allow yourself, as this is what I did when we lived over there, now we are trying to return, I knew I had made the biggest mistake ever talking my husband & 2 girls into returning bk to the UK, but as I always say be careful what you wish for, I gotmy own way & now we are struggling selling our house to try & return, we will have no jobs to go to and very little money, but I know its where we are meant to be.

I wouldseriously consider somecounselling esp CBTbeforeyou decide, that is my best advice to you, as if you docome back it is very costly, emotionally also.

Pm me anytime,I know how you are feeling

Mayjess

[Tyke]

Hi Steph.

I can only add to what the other posters have said.

I'd certainly wait for the PR coming through - also get out of this time of year as it is an emotional time and not best for making decisions.

Good luck.:)

[steph]

Hi Steph

I hope things are improving for you, 1st of all youhave to ask yourself why you moved to OZin the 1st place & keep reminding yourself why you did move there, also ask yourself why cant you settle, is it becauseyou WONT allow yourself, as this is what I did when we lived over there, now we are trying to return, I knew I had made the biggest mistake ever talking my husband & 2 girls into returning bk to the UK, but as I always say be careful what you wish for, I gotmy own way & now we are struggling selling our house to try & return, we will have no jobs to go to and very little money, but I know its where we are meant to be.

I wouldseriously consider somecounselling esp CBTbeforeyou decide, that is my best advice to you, as if you docome back it is very costly, emotionally also.

Pm me anytime,I know how you are feeling
ityjess

Thanks so much for your post. It has helped a lot. I have been discussing with my OH and he has made me see a bit of sense about it all. I am in a very emotional place at the moment and a decision now may not be the right thing. Our problem is,is that my son is due to start school in Sept in the UK and if we don't take up his place at our chosen school he will lose it and then I don't know where he will end up. It just feels like the decision has to be rushed. I am worried about returning to the UK as I know the stress this will involve and would I feel like you and think I had made a big mistake. I do need some couselling about it and thankyou so much for your post.

[steph]

Hey Steph, sounds hard :(.
I'm no expert and I haven't 'been' where you are now, however it seems to me that unless you are happy, no-one is going to be happy.

I personally don't think the relationships the children have with your families back in the UK are the issue, partly because they are young enough to just roll with it and accept the status quo...if you know what I mean. Not seeing the rellies every week/year even, doesn't mean that the kids won't have an understanding of those special relationships and it won't lessen their importance.

I think it sounds like you feel you haven't settled is more the issue. I don't think you should beat yourself up about it - you've obviously tried and perhaps the pull and familiarity of your old 'home' is just that bit too much to ignore. That's not a crime, it's just an emotion and as such, shouldn't be belittled. IMHO two years is not a long time (unless you're unhappy in which case it's an awful long time!) because there is so much change going on. I think it takes longer than that to feel that you really know where you stand. For me, settling in is about feeling you belong. I think people with littlies are going to have an easier time of that because so many of our friends are through the kids and shared interests. I reckon that'll come once the kids start school.

But then as I said before, that's only my opinion and probably not worth much! Good luck with your decision - and don't feel guilty! Families are all about support and understanding.
LC

You are right about the kids being young and they will just roll with it. As long as myself and the OH are happy they will be. The more I think about it and with kind people like yours advise the more I know I have to give it some more time. I am not in a good place emotionally and I need to settle down a bit before major decisions. My family back home just want me to be happy wherever that is and as long as I know they will visit and I can go back and visit it will get easier. The trip home just shook me up a lot and was like a catalyst for all the emotions. thankyou for your kind post

[steph]

Thankyou all for your kind help and advise. I need to do some serious thinking but maybe not at this time with it being the most difficult at christmas time. I will post again when am feeling a bit better and in a better place to make major decisions.