homesick

[ajwilko]

hey guys. well been here about 4 months now and still feel homesick. not sure on wether to go back home. my bf doesnt but i still miss home soo much, does it get ne easier?? we have jobs and r looking for a place, staying with his dad at the mo, but oz doesnt seem that fanatstic. i love having the beach and having stuff to do all the time and most things r chepaer but am still stuggling. sorry just need some advice how long does it take to settle?? thanx

[Riponian]

all I can say how long is a piece of string!

It really depends on your individual situation. I think you have to try and get involved in all the stuff you like gym , sports or other hobbies and socialise etc.

We have been here 4mths also but I have the kids and that helps as you can meet people at playgroups etc. I am sure there will be stuff for you to do and maybe once your in your own place things will be easier as it probably feels like your just on hols at the moment.

If you tell us a bit about yourself and where your staying I am sure people on here wil be able to help.

Try not to think contstanly of the UK and think of the future you want in Adelaide if thats what you want if not talk about it and if you have tried everything then maybe look at going back if thats what you want.

wishing best of luck

[wizzywozza]

I've been homesick on and off for 19 years!

[ajwilko]

yea i think its more of we dont know where to start. its so so different here compared to what i am used to. we are now living at west lakes and thinking we will prob stay around the area as it is v nice. thnx for the advice i do think about the uk alot and it does still feel like a hol, missing all freinds and family. but i think ur rite not to do that.
its just tuff and hard not to. i think we miss the socialising the most as we dont no many people here either.

[Riponian]

I am further down south but heard west lakes is good.
Do they have a SLSC as they usually have stuff going on down there.

I am sure things will improve for you just need to decide what you want to do. Try surfing take up lessons or bike riding etc the list is endless there are clubs for just about everything.

Good luck

[foxychick]

took me a good 18 months+, it does get easier as things become more familiar and you develop new routines.

If you want to, hang in there and it will get better. There is a ladies lunch in Glenelg in a few weeks, are you going on that? good way to meet people and you may stay in touch with some of them. Keep checking out the social section for things that may suit you.

Don't think of being here as forever, simply take each day as it comes, that makes it easier and less scary I think.

[ajwilko]

yea i may try that thanx. yea trying to look at it that way and take each day as it comes !!

[Stacey]

Hi

It is really hard when you move here becoming familiar with everything and sorting everything out, you are pretty much starting again. I agree with Foxychick that it took me a good 12-18 months to feel settled and to be in a routine.

Things start to become familiar and you get to the point where you aren't looking around at things anymore because it's just "home". You know the kind of thing where you drive home but don't actually remember driving passed things cause you are that familiar with your route (not that I am an absent minded driver lol!!)!!

This site is fantastic and everyone is so friendly and helpful there are always meet ups and events going on, try and get involved where you can cause you will probably meet a lot of people feeling the same as you and having the same doubts and questions.

After all your effort to get here and all the work you have put in to make a new life I would give it at least 12-18 months to see how you go and how you feel then..you may find you feel completely different and at least you can then say you gave it a good shot and know it isn't for you.

Good luck

Best wishes

Stacey
x

[Sallyh]

((((ajwilko)))) hugs first!!

Do you have family here, is that what you mean by your post, you are staying with your bf's dad? Is he Aussie or another English migrant?

Have sympathy for you, my homesick experience has been a bit weird. Not obviously missing UK at all, just at times, things have seemed hard (we do have children, and we do have more family around us here than we ever had in UK cos we didnt live near my family and all DH's family are in Adelaide as he was born here and only came to the UK 10 years ago).

Even with all our family around us we have still missed little things or just felt like throwing it all in when times were hard or we felt a bit put out about family sometimes - but knowing we won't and can't for different complicated reasons, we know we are definitely meant to be here. Doesn't make it easy tho and I can really really see your point of view.

IMHO materially and all those other things, Australia may well be a better place for all of us. But I think moving countries is a really really big thing and superficial reasons can get us here, and keep us here for a while - but for it to work, there has to be a deeper satisfaction and reason for staying.

I think Michelle you are right - what we have to do is to get out and do the things we like to do to meet people and eventually make friends.

Isn't making new friends hard? I mean, its easy to meet new people, and not that hard to have chats, etc, even arrange to see people for coffee. But to make new friendships that are in time going to grow into the equivalents of those we had at home- that takes a fair bit of hard work and its easy to feel discouraged. Especially when we start from a base level of knowing absolutely no-one (which thankfully was not the case with us, but I think that came with other issues).

Take us for example - we have loads of friends in Adelaide that DH left behind when he moved to England, and we have stayed in touch with most of them (because of how school / uni tends to work here as opposed to England, most of those friends were from his school days) and I have met them and got to know them over our 10 years of marriage so far.

But for us to move here, it has been hard work because all the time we have been gone, they have understandably closed up the gap, got on with their lives and we can't just expect to slot back in. They have their things they do with the people they normally do them with! We have gradually got back up to speed with them but meeting new people has been similar - you get to a certain level on meeting people, but they already do have their family and social network and it takes a while for you to naturally become part of theirs. Occasionally we hit it off amazingly with someone and it goes from 0-60 in ten seconds and for those flash friendships I have been really grateful.

Of course the hard thing with family is that just as friends close up the gap quite naturally, so do family. So we have had to try to get back up to speed with family in a new way as the dynamic changed too. I'd say 18mths in we are almost where we want to be with family, but it has taken a lot of effort and patience on our part. Finding ways to help people, visiting and going out of our way to help, sending casseroles when someone is ill, that sort of thing.

I think in some ways having children makes it easier... and harder. In my darker moments I feel isolated and housebound, but on the other hand it is an easy way to connect with people at least at the first level of getting to know people. And it gives you more reason and opportunity to visit others / send them food etc.

Just as an aside and the flip side of the coin - I remember when we were first married in the UK and we were formulating our plan for coming here. I was itching to move but DH didn't want to come back for a few years, because he still felt that he was settling in there. At first all our friends were 'my' friends and he felt displaced, like he was an addition to my life but hadn't made his own contacts. Gradually that changed over time and then we were meeting new people together and at some point our friends were more 'our' friends, 'my' friends and 'his' friends. I have heard it said that to settle and feel settled here can take around 3 years. I think it was actually about 3 years in the UK before Matthew felt it was really his home.

Now of course coming back to Adelaide, he feels just like me except I think it is harder for him. He's come back to what he knows, but it isn't as he remembers it. We've changed in 10 years and so has Adelaide / family / friends. I am glad and grateful that we know our reason for being here, and can see objectively why we should and will stay, because like I said, even after 18mths there are still times of doubt and hardship, though thankfully they pass quicker and we have friends here and even family sometimes who we can tell how we are feeling. As long as you don't deny those feelings, and find a way to work through them, being honest and asking for help, making meaningful and 'real' friendships without the need to put a brave face on it, I am sure you will do really well. I think we are more likely to fail if we deny the feelings, because one day it will come crashing down like a house of cards.

I hope I don't come across as pessimistic. Not trying to be, just trying to encourage you with understanding of how you are feeling, you are not alone, and the way you are feeling does not necessarily mean you will decide to go home. But if after time you feel you are truly better off in the UK, you shouldn't feel a failure either. You would know that you did it, were true to yourself and honest with yourself and others, and have made a balanced decision after giving it a go.

[ajwilko]

i think making friends and finding friends is the hardest part. my bf dad is a nother migrant to and coming here with no1 i no except my bf, as i had neva met his dad b4 moving out here is tough. i do enjoy it here most of the time lol, i think u r rite and we do need to go out and about more and meet people its just hard to no where to start, if that doesnt sound stupid. ive taken everyones advice on board and it has been a gr8 help. hopefully i will soon get to love it here like most people do, but i dont think it will eva be home, and the tv sucks here lol!!!!! i do miss my english soaps. but i spose its a blessing coz we try and find other stuff to do apart from watch tv lol