16 months here, soo homesick, thinking of returning to UK

**phil&Sue** · 23-09-2011, 01:25 PM

I know first 2 yrs are hardest, but apart from climate, can't think of any gd reason why I am here....
Really miss being near old friends n some family..

tougher than I imagined....

**xzibit** · 23-09-2011, 01:42 PM

I hear you. I'm in a similar predicament at the moment. Maybe if it's an option to you is to try a trip back to the UK to see how you feel when you're back there. I don't want to move back until I've been back and made sure my mind is made up.

**guest569** · 23-09-2011, 01:53 PM

yes its hard and 99% felt the same in the first few years at some point. I personaly believe that we up lift and move for a reason. some need a change, some need to fix things that aren't working right !!! To coin a phrase as after 6 years here its " the same **** just a different bucket with sunshine in !!!" It really does get better but a " holiday" back won't fix your doubts. Are the friends you left behind still the same ?? doing the same thing ?? Or have they moved on, married kids ...ect...? You will find here in time what you left behind. Good luck.

**snifter** · 23-09-2011, 02:08 PM

Its a good idea about taking a trip back, but bear in mind its not going to be anything like the reality of living back there again. You'll be on holiday, people will usually make more of an effort to take some time to see you, go out, socialise and so on. It can always seem so lovely going back for a visit but once actually living there again, people go on with their lives as normal, you don't see them so much etc. The daily grind is still the same wherever you are. And as has been said, people move on with their lives back in the UK and often we don't fit in quite as we did before we left, as much as we might want to.

Is there specifics you are missing, or just family and friends in general? If its missing people, sometimes more time spent Skyping, writing and so on can help. Of course, you may do this loads anyways. Personally I always find it better to limit this sort of thing and to not spend my time thinking about things back in my homeland. I think the longest I was away from the UK between visits was just over 2 years and I made do with a bi weekly phone call to my parents and letters to friends once or twice a month. I went back to the UK for 10 days and after less than a week I was itching to return to the other country and realised what I had left behind, well, grass wasn't greener or anything like that.

Some people do struggle to settle living overseas. Its no failure to admit it isn't for you. But do consider carefully where you are struggling and what you could do to help improve things in the short (and longer) term. Sometimes its making friends, having interests, just can be hard to put yourself out there. Other times its lack of funds, worries about things back in the UK and so many other things can distract you from beginning to feel settled overseas.

I tended to bring both feet over and not leave one stuck in the UK. It seemed to help me to not dwell on what was going on back there, what people were up to and so on. Mind you, I am not one to really feel homesick as such and have spent my entire adult life living away overseas or at least a couple of hours away from family and friends I knew from my younger days. Doesn't bother me not being around them on a daily/weekly/monthly basis. I guess also being married to someone who is living away from his home country (hubby is an Aussie) and who is also fine being away from home and so on helps. We tend to be fine on our own, but of course seeing the Aussie family is lovely for hubby, but he doesn't miss them to the point he is homesick or hasn't settled here. Same for me with my family and friends. I don't mind not seeing them for months at a time or longer. Doesn't upset me or the balance in our family life. If you are struggling with the balance, the missing people, it can make it so much harder so I hope you are able to find a solution that works for you.

**Jenny** · 23-09-2011, 02:18 PM

Twenty years on and I still feel the same at times, but just I live from day to day and get on with it as the rest of the family have settled and now we have grandchildren and rooots here the chance of ever returning to the UK to live (much as I'd like to) alre almost NIL - its not a bad old life though - in the summer especially.

Jenny

**xzibit** · 23-09-2011, 02:30 PM

My main issue is with work. I actually miss the buildings from the UK as sad as that may sound. Working in architecture, it's just not the same here as all buildings are new and the same with no character. I miss working with barn conversions and listed buildings. I seriously hate work here. If it wasn't for that I'd be happy here.

**jo_marnes** · 23-09-2011, 02:50 PM

Get a new job!

**micky-drip** · 23-09-2011, 03:20 PM

i'm amazed how many people do not like it here, it makes me feel normal, i have only just discovered this website after being here 28 years and regretted not not going back after a couple of years

**phil&Sue** · 23-09-2011, 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by micky-drip

i'm amazed how many people do not like it here, it makes me feel normal, i have only just discovered this website after being here 28 years and regretted not not going back after a couple of years

hi micky,
couldn't put it better myself, cheers

**tinkertailerdog** · 23-09-2011, 10:43 PM

We ended up returning to the UK having lived in Melbourne for a year in 2009. We were back for a couple of months and realised that nothing had changed and the reasons why we wanted to leave were still there and hadn't gone. We were fortunate enough to get sponsored to come back out and since returning couldn't ever imagine going back to the UK to live.

I'm an engineer and i know what you mean Leigh about the quality and types of buildings here, but that's also what i like about Adelaide, it's trying to find an identity (slowly). There are some exciting projects planned, the new RAH, Adelaide Oval redevelopment, Southbank redevelopment (to name but a few). There will also be money flooding into the state when the Olympic dam expansion starts and all the Uranium resources are mined. Perhaps for you it's a case of moving to one of the bigger cities where the variation in building types is more prevalent or going back to the UK - you'll not stop feeling the way you feel if you don't do something about it? Incidentally, what architect practice do you work for?