I've got one of the following, surplus to requirements, and would be willing to part with it for a single slab (24 bottles) of Boag's Premium, or something similar:
Compaq Armada M700
Pentium III 800
Not the most modern laptop I grant you but it works very well, has a fresh install of Windows XP Pro, Antivirus and includes a full install of Office 2007. Even the battery works, although I'm not sure how long for.
No wireless, unfortunately, but does have built-in wired networking and 2 x PCMCIA slots.
Alternatively, if anyone has a working fridge/freezer, in good condition, they'd like shot of, I'll deliver it and take the F/F of your hands :-)
PM if interested.