Aussie Culture?

[Guest malvina]

Hallo,

I've been here since 1971 and am now in my late 70's

My kids have kids and we seem to be growing further apart and I live alone.

 

I had a long chat with my daughter this week and I discovered I have NEVER ACCEPTED

AUSSIE CULTURE...

 

What surprised me most, was the fact that there IS an Aussie culture at all! I was thinking

it was made up of - 'a whole lot of other cultures' - like German, Italian, Muslim etc..!

But no, there IS one and it is all to do with relating to family and friends -

for instance!

When I was brought up, 'Family, good friend and neighbours' did not NEED an invitation to visit

apart from odd occasions when they was going out. We would delight them by dropping in.

 

I used to think it was because I was old and we had different interests, but no, it is the same

with the young ones, they all do their invites - and I find this quite boring and I didn't realise

I was stuck in Pommie culture - after all these years..

 

Has anyone else had a problem with this?

 

I remember in my early years here, I used to meet up with Poms who could never settle

and I used to tell them about a 'pain and yearning in my heart' for England. - and didn't know

what I was missing! but now I do.

 

They told me they was the same, but this was quite some time ago and I reckon things might

be a bit different now with the effect of Britain's early colonisations with many different cultures

settling.

 

I'm a Christian, but strangely enough, seem to feel more at home with the Muslim family next

door - that have the same ways with their extended families as I had when I was in England -

especially in my young years there. I so often think about the get togethers of our extended

families - where we had nearly enough to fill a hall and all of one accord - so happy and 'lively'!,

joking, laughing and dancing too!

What do we do when we get together here?... just sit and look at one another lol!

 

Now I've had my 'whinge' -

Has anyone else got one?

[Blossom]

Well where I come from in south England we wouldn't just turn up anywhere without phoning first.

When I moved to Manchester my husbands family (well his sister) would do that and it drove me mad.

I think it is more that times have changed and everyone has mobiles now, so they can arrange things. It wasn't always so easy before then, so if you happened to be near someone's house you might knock on on the off chance.

[Guest malvina]

Yes, I understand that, but it did make everyone in the family feel they belonged somewhere- instead of having

isolated units from the family. We had several single family members who never felt alone, knowing they had someone nearby

 

One had to be sensitive to their situation of course, but I found it complimented them - but families and places are different

now. Some accumulate with one another, like the cockneys, Jews etc. that are all part of my family but these extended families

are dying out in part caused by all the divorces and custody arrangements.

[Diane]

I kind of know what you mean - when we were in England I had a couple of friends who I could just drop into anytime, others had keys to my house and would drop in anytime they were passing (one even used to go round while we were on holiday and tidy up for me - I love her to bits still!!) When we first got here, I remember driving around one afternoon while the kids were at school, feeling completely lost and not knowing how to fill the time. Luckily, and to my eternal gratitude, my husband had a friend here and I dropped in unannounced on his wife, who made me a cuppa and was there for a chat when I really needed one. Now I have a couple of friends that will drop in if they are passing - I am a really messy person so they have to be prepared to take us as they find us though...

 

A very wise woman I know who lives half her life in the UK, half in Oz, used to say "Old friends are gold, new friends are silver" - I don't entirely agree with that, as I have a few 'new gold friends' now, but she's not far off.

[flossybeth]

When we were sorting Grandma's things a few years ago we came across her "autograph" book from her school days (back in the '20s) and one her friends had written "Make new friends but keep the old, for one is silver, the other gold" it's a rhyme I've often thought of but not said in so many words to my son as we've gone through this whole process of moving.

 

As for turning up - I'd do it with my family (but perhaps not friends) but I wouldn't dream of arriving un-announced at my in-laws. I'm not sure it necessarily an Aussie culture thing more a people are far more busy thing to be put off their in/out here/there lifestyle. Coming from a large family where birthdays, sunshiney barbecues etc were always noisy and hectic it's one of the things I find hard being here with just the five of us but it was one of the things we knew we were leaving behind (and thought we might like...).

[jim and adel]

When I was brought up, 'Family, good friend and neighbours' did not NEED an invitation to visit

apart from odd occasions when they was going out. We would delight them by dropping in.

 

I'm from Manchester, and dropping in on family unannounced used to be the norm, but less so with friends. Personally, nothing would delight me less than someone turning up in my doorstep when I wasn't expecting them - which might partly explain why I now live at the other end of the world!

 

Jim

[Keith & Linda]

I know how you feel Malvina, but I do not think its Aussie culture we are talking about, as that to me is the so called mateship, she'll be right and no worries attitude linked to the outdoor and sporty lifestyle here in OZ. I think its more on how society has changed, we now have to look after or at least be more aware of our personal safety and security and in doing so we become wary and mistrustful and thus place distance and barriers between ourselvs and others. We are also in a more selfish world, my time, my space, I want etc. Sad i am afraid that times gone by have done just that, but we need to learn to accept and adapt to this changing world and learn to keep enjoying ourselves.

So Malvina go out and enjoy yourself and stuff the rest of us! and as you are 40+ with no children in tow then I cannot see why you cannot come along to the meet-up at Seacliffe, I do not believe there are any selfish people out there whom would not like you to join in, and if I do happen to go I will even pick you up (might make you walk home though!)

Keith

[Guest malvina]

oh well- seems I just have to get used to the invites - right?

[aliogilvie]

My parents house in the midlands was always an open door policy and weekends in particular it could be like Piccadilly! I always found this pretty annoying as an adult when I was there trying to catch up specifically with my mother and continually being interrupted.

 

Personally I really dislike the notion of anyone turning up unannounced - friends or family, possibly with the exception of my Mum, if my inlaws did it I would be pretty annoyed! I would also never dream of turning up at anyone other than my parents (whose house I have always had a key for) without at least a text to ask if they were in and it was ok.

 

Times change and cultures are varied, I guess in today's busy life and with so many different ways to stay in touch people visit each other for 'just a chat' less than they used to. I do not feel this is missing from my life and enjoy getting home on a Friday night, shutting the door and just having some quality time pottering with my husband, safe in the knowledge that no one is going to unexpectedly turn up as they are all on a different continent!

[Guest malvina]

Thankyou Keith - but I don't think I'll be walking home I think I'll be looking for a taxi!

I used to live in Seacliff - when I ran my Christian business. I started it on Brighton Road Hove,

then moved up to Sturt Rd in 4 big shops all walkthru' I ran it altogether for 20 years until I

was forced into retirement with a car accident. This kid took his father's car and ran in the back of me

at full speed. Car was write-off and just hurt my legs, which made it too hard to walk up and down

4 shops after. I don't even bother to drive a car now - as I find it's cheaper going without on a pension.

I use public transport and get a 50% discount with taxis to save my legs.

 

Thanks. I'll consider the meetup

[Lazy Cow]

We have friends here who turn up unannounced and I both love and hate it!

 

We open the door with a smile on our faces and a groan in our hearts lol whilst trying to mentally rearrange what we were intending to do (even if it's just chill with our often-invisible kids!).

 

There are so many demands on our time and being time-poor means we usually have something planned at any given time so although we always enjoy the company of our unexpected visitors, sometimes it's nicer to have a 'proper' visit arranged.

 

That said, I do like my just-popped-in-for-a-quick-coffee visitors and even though they will never read this, I miss them when a weekend goes by without seeing them!

 

LC

[Lazy Cow]

a car accident. This kid took his father's car and ran in the back of me

at full speed. Car was write-off and just hurt my legs, which made it too hard to walk up and down

4 shops after

 

How horrific. I hope the kid learned a valuable lesson even if it was at your expense.

Awful.

LC

[Keith & Linda]

A good few years ago back in England I read a report that a large majority of people move house because of their neighbours! I had great touble in relating to this in any way whatsoever, all my life we have had family, friends and neighbours calling in, even now my parents actually get visits and phone calls from my brothers friends whom used to come around the house from being small kids to rowdy (nicely drunken) teenagers and beyond, one even turns up with a loaf of bread and some eggs for my mams everpopular fried egg sarni and he is almost 60 now! always welcommed with a smile and a ready laugh, never too busy to be friendly, not that there was never no falling out its just that such fall outs were never too personal and you accepted a telling off now and a again without holding a grudge. Anyway I digress, I could not relate to this report until I moved from Yorkshire ( yes I'm a Yorkshireman, the one whom would rip his heart out for family and friends!) to the south of England, now I do not wish to tar all southerners with the same brush, and I did make plenty of friends, mainly through work more than my neighbours, but there was a definate something which made me believe that there was indeed an element of truth in the report, and no doubt that the same likely applies to people whom moved from south to north, hay Blossom! I think it may be something to do with what Malvina refers to in that its a cultural thing, whether its town/town, north/south, country/country, relgion/religion and even with name/name (if you followed one of the other threads), as well as the fast paced world we live in and of course the selfishness we tend to have these days, and I include myself with that one (accept and adapt!). The worlds not all that bad really just different, so lets enjoy what we have today and make the most of it!!

 

 

PS, you will know when I move in next door! I will be the heartless selfish one who's enjoying every minute of it!!! regards Victor Meldrew!!!!!

[Guest malvina]

You know, talking about being offended if someone just rolls up....!.

I don't know how you'd get on in Aberdeenshire Scotland! - or Fraserburgh rather

I don't know if these ways extend to all of Aberdeen but they certainly do in Fraserburgh, especially

in the outer villages.

My husband came from Fraserburgh and we visited regularly from Kent England.

I would be shocked.... to find - that it was the custom for anyone at anytime, to go to someone's house

open the door - and just sit in the armchair of the lounge! .. no surprises.. just the kettle on and

'a piece' (of cake, buttered fruit loaf etc) and some happy chat. This was a compliment to them, the

same as in my childhood with our extended family.

They would stay a half hour or so then just move on...

 

And as for Hogmoney!. Everyone in everyone's house all through the night.

Also, I don't know what it's like now - but noone ever locked their front doors! even at night.

 

I met my husband in the Navy where I was a signals wren and he a Shipwright Artificer.

We was drafted to Gibraltar for 3 years and until we got Naval accomodation - we lived on the top

of the rock with the monkeys! We could open our windows and feed them.

 

When New Year came around, my husband went round all the Rock and gathered all the Scotties -

and our friends.... and we had the biggest party ever. he made a Punch - with everything in it.

A place where liquor was duty free - it was free-flowing (I don't drink) He put a bottle of Green Goddess in it

and at the end of the night.... there was Green Faces everywhere